Can't find His hands.............
"When you Can't find Gods hand in a situation, trust God's heart..." ~Evangelist Bo Shedd
This is where I'm at Trusting God's heart b/c honestly it's getting harder and harder to see where is hands are in all of this.
My ITP problem is flaring again and oddly the day before Youth week....and yes I'm having a hard time with this I've been at Children's Hospital everyday this week and will be there alot more :(
and despite that there are so many people who are loving on me right now all i feel is lonely and usless.
I can't really do any thing at youth week, I'm in the hospital most of the day and get there with just enough time to meet the bands and the speaker. I feel awful b/c I'm not there to help EB with stuff that needs to be done and that I can't really paly any of the games with the youth I hate being useless.
I feel lonely because as much as everyone cares no one gets it. no one understands the way i feel the emotional and mental exhuastion and termoial or the spirtual burdens that I'm experencing. no one knows that I'm up right now b/c tonight i'm afraid to go to sleep, that I get so physicaly tired that I could just curl in a ball and cry, the mental frustration and exhuastion at going through all of this without anyone to be here physically for me, the longing to just be held right now so I can feel safe enough to go to sleep, the reasons why I don't want people to constantly keep asking the question what happened, the desperation of wanting this to over.
I'm so tiered right now and i just want someone to be here to understand to listen to hold me... is it tomuch to ask? I'm trying Lord I am but can't find your hands and I'm getting so tiered so more than anyone will ever know.
~Trizah
This is where I'm at Trusting God's heart b/c honestly it's getting harder and harder to see where is hands are in all of this.
My ITP problem is flaring again and oddly the day before Youth week....and yes I'm having a hard time with this I've been at Children's Hospital everyday this week and will be there alot more :(
and despite that there are so many people who are loving on me right now all i feel is lonely and usless.
I can't really do any thing at youth week, I'm in the hospital most of the day and get there with just enough time to meet the bands and the speaker. I feel awful b/c I'm not there to help EB with stuff that needs to be done and that I can't really paly any of the games with the youth I hate being useless.
I feel lonely because as much as everyone cares no one gets it. no one understands the way i feel the emotional and mental exhuastion and termoial or the spirtual burdens that I'm experencing. no one knows that I'm up right now b/c tonight i'm afraid to go to sleep, that I get so physicaly tired that I could just curl in a ball and cry, the mental frustration and exhuastion at going through all of this without anyone to be here physically for me, the longing to just be held right now so I can feel safe enough to go to sleep, the reasons why I don't want people to constantly keep asking the question what happened, the desperation of wanting this to over.
I'm so tiered right now and i just want someone to be here to understand to listen to hold me... is it tomuch to ask? I'm trying Lord I am but can't find your hands and I'm getting so tiered so more than anyone will ever know.
~Trizah