so the day is here
i was looking back on my old lj and started thinking about how much my life has really changed the past few months. I felt like it was for the better but at the moment im not sure anymore. becuase of my dumb decision to move to nc i now, not only dont have anything for an apartment, but i also lost some of my closeness with my best friends. i think more than anything thats what i regret the most. i cont stand the fact that i did that, mind oyu it wasnt intentional but it happened. I really just cant wait to come home tomorrow and be where i know i belong. The country life was not gor me, and deep inside i knew that it wasnt going to work in the boons but i thought that if i didnt try that i would somehow regret not doing it. how i was wrong. i think if anything going to nc messed up my life even more, my realtionship with my boyfriend had a few turns in the worst direction and now no matter how hard i try i feel like theres still something inside of me ( my brain) thats telling me that i cant trust him, but my heart says try to make it work. honestly though the past 2 months have brought nothing but heartache and headaches. i dont know how much more i have left in me to fight, i dont wanna fight anymore. Im so tired of pleasing everyone else. i cant even believe that a part of me is willing to not do something because he doesnt want me to. my old hillary would kick this hilaries ass. I told myself i would never let that happen, whoever im with should support me in all my decisions and want me to do what i think is right. but instead because they are insecure im compromising what i want. im so loyal is sick. but im sticking to my guns this time, and depending on how things go im gonna be the old hillary and look out for number 1. because im the only one who can help me. To my friends: i listen, im just hardheaded sometimes. and i will always try to find the better in everyone. i cant help that, thats just the way i am. And that the friend you love