F U C K Y O U
For the past week, I think I have been in my self made hell.
Last night was the first time I have slept in 4 days.
I have these dark gaps as eyes, filled with empty water holes and lack of striving because of no sleep.
I have been thinking more and more and more than I ever had.
About people, about why we are here, why I'm forced to do everything I have to do, about me, about the past, about anything that affects how I feel, how others are affected by me and by the way I am.
I came to the conclusion that I am so alone.
That if I have any secrets, I keep them from myself, and that people are living fine without me, and have forgotten me.
I have discovered no one else wants to think like I do.
No one else wants to talk the way I do, and no one wants to remember me.
And even those who bother to call after I have left MESSAGES AND MISSED CALLS will listen and tell me "I don't forget you" but it's just fucking words. they just say it to make me shut up. To make me subdue this FEELING that won't stop.
I am on my edge with everything and at a point in my life where I don't want to try anymore, and I am loosing motivation. I HAVE LOST MY MOTIVATION.
Everything everyone says are just words to say to fill empty spaces.
I get so FUCKING PISSED at anyone who can't talk with meaning.
Is EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY MEANINGLESS????
I know why I never talk anymore.
I know this doesn't sound like me, but who's to tell me that anymore?
Who's to say that they can understand what I'm going through and understand how off-beat I am? I don't want anyone's fucking sympathy because that's all anyone ever fucking has.
I WANT SOMEONE WITH EMPATHY
I'm through with caring about everyone including myself.
I'm through.
Last night was the first time I have slept in 4 days.
I have these dark gaps as eyes, filled with empty water holes and lack of striving because of no sleep.
I have been thinking more and more and more than I ever had.
About people, about why we are here, why I'm forced to do everything I have to do, about me, about the past, about anything that affects how I feel, how others are affected by me and by the way I am.
I came to the conclusion that I am so alone.
That if I have any secrets, I keep them from myself, and that people are living fine without me, and have forgotten me.
I have discovered no one else wants to think like I do.
No one else wants to talk the way I do, and no one wants to remember me.
And even those who bother to call after I have left MESSAGES AND MISSED CALLS will listen and tell me "I don't forget you" but it's just fucking words. they just say it to make me shut up. To make me subdue this FEELING that won't stop.
I am on my edge with everything and at a point in my life where I don't want to try anymore, and I am loosing motivation. I HAVE LOST MY MOTIVATION.
Everything everyone says are just words to say to fill empty spaces.
I get so FUCKING PISSED at anyone who can't talk with meaning.
Is EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY MEANINGLESS????
I know why I never talk anymore.
I know this doesn't sound like me, but who's to tell me that anymore?
Who's to say that they can understand what I'm going through and understand how off-beat I am? I don't want anyone's fucking sympathy because that's all anyone ever fucking has.
I WANT SOMEONE WITH EMPATHY
I'm through with caring about everyone including myself.
I'm through.