So its been a while since I updated.
I don't understand. Once again I'm about to break down. We all know what that means. Nat goes loopy and does a lot of dumb things, in his sad cry for attention. Now that we have all seem to have reached the "oh it just Nat being stupid again" point. I could really use someone to just hold me and tell everything is going to be ok.
I don't have that anymore. Since this week has started I have had one person ask me how I was doing. Do people really want to know? I'm doing do right shitty. My mom just had a heart attack. Soon she will be having open heart surgery. Does anyone want to know how it gets better. People would like to for-close on the house. All the utilities are close to being shut off. Car payment is do. Oh and let not forget the car insurance.
So right now I think people are right not to ask how I'm doing. Because nobody really wants to know.
So hows my health who in the world gives a shit? Sure as hell not me. The sad part is this feeling is nothing new to me. So why the fuck am I so upset. I don't know. I think thats what scares me so much.
This week plus the constant feeling loneliness. Is more than I think I can take right now. I mean I really haven't slept much in the past week or so. Whats new right. Everybody's got their owen problem so why help the friend who's mother could be gone at the end of month.
Why should I need anybody to at least act like they care. I don't know. I don't even know why the fuck I'm typing this right know. It's just going to written off as another one of my tirades. So what the fuck maybe I'll be lucky enough to die from my chrismas dinner who knows, who cares.
Hell at the rate I'm going I dont think it matters if I die then, Ill be dead in ten years any ways. Thats what Nat wanted anyways right. Tryed for twenty didn't win that one. Hoped for just after 21, still fucking here.
Ever since I figured out that I am gay. I have wanted to die. I have hoped to die in my sleep. I have hoped to die from drinking, flipping the car. Then I started on the long term plans. You know the smoking. My all time fav the sugar you never know it could take me now it could be later. Lets not forget the possible heart defect ah nobody really knows. You all can just keep guessing. I could be dead before any of you read this, oh well.
So to all my friends I still love you all. I should still should be around tomarrow ruining my health as always, just the way we like it.
So to say what I really want to say, can I just a nice big hug and somebody to tell me its going to be ok. I don't care if you think it will be or not. and I mean this part more then the rest let me know how I'm not listening to your crys for help
I don't have that anymore. Since this week has started I have had one person ask me how I was doing. Do people really want to know? I'm doing do right shitty. My mom just had a heart attack. Soon she will be having open heart surgery. Does anyone want to know how it gets better. People would like to for-close on the house. All the utilities are close to being shut off. Car payment is do. Oh and let not forget the car insurance.
So right now I think people are right not to ask how I'm doing. Because nobody really wants to know.
So hows my health who in the world gives a shit? Sure as hell not me. The sad part is this feeling is nothing new to me. So why the fuck am I so upset. I don't know. I think thats what scares me so much.
This week plus the constant feeling loneliness. Is more than I think I can take right now. I mean I really haven't slept much in the past week or so. Whats new right. Everybody's got their owen problem so why help the friend who's mother could be gone at the end of month.
Why should I need anybody to at least act like they care. I don't know. I don't even know why the fuck I'm typing this right know. It's just going to written off as another one of my tirades. So what the fuck maybe I'll be lucky enough to die from my chrismas dinner who knows, who cares.
Hell at the rate I'm going I dont think it matters if I die then, Ill be dead in ten years any ways. Thats what Nat wanted anyways right. Tryed for twenty didn't win that one. Hoped for just after 21, still fucking here.
Ever since I figured out that I am gay. I have wanted to die. I have hoped to die in my sleep. I have hoped to die from drinking, flipping the car. Then I started on the long term plans. You know the smoking. My all time fav the sugar you never know it could take me now it could be later. Lets not forget the possible heart defect ah nobody really knows. You all can just keep guessing. I could be dead before any of you read this, oh well.
So to all my friends I still love you all. I should still should be around tomarrow ruining my health as always, just the way we like it.
So to say what I really want to say, can I just a nice big hug and somebody to tell me its going to be ok. I don't care if you think it will be or not. and I mean this part more then the rest let me know how I'm not listening to your crys for help