Texas "Natures Asshole" an Essay by Joseph Totin
Well its almost been about 7 months that I have been living down here in the Lone Star State and with that I thought a honest evaluation of the total experience so far would be beneficial for both me and my friends. I would have to say that so far I believe I have found the central repositories, nay , the breading ground in a controlled government project for all the assholes in the entire human race. Some of you may think this is harsh, others of you will doubt the authenticity of these statements by claiming that impartial agency is not being properly employed in my judgments of this fine State, but I assure nothing could be further from the truth.
First of Texas do not believe in making cars with blinkers , and as far as I can tell have somehow found a a way to reverse engineer the steering well with their cell phones so that by having the cell phone on your ear and the slight turning of ones head some how manages to make their 10,000 pound trucks turn almost instantly in front of your without hesitation or warning. Being that I am from the North when I employee my auditory alarm device in a reaction to this almost alien form of driving it is always met with a distance almost zombie like stare from the offending driver. Which lead me to think, "should I get made at the people, is this really there fault?". This is where my suspicions of ass-hole breading ground began.
Next is the alarming amount of gun related crimes and or accidents in Texas. I have found that there is a Texas drinking game where ones turns on the evening news and for every report on a gun related crime or accident one must take a shot. Being that I have a considerable tolerance for alcoholic beverages I decided I would join my new found Texan brethren in this regional "sports" event. The news started at 11:00 PM CST, I was drunk by 11:30 PM CST. Now the reasoning behind having so many guns available to the general populace by most Texas is that it is their constitutional right and that the cops are a useless deter int when it comes to administering deadly force when necessary. Ironicly enough the officers of the law in Texas spend most of their time investigating or dealing with the after math that of their "volunteer honorary officers" decision making skills rather than actually pro actively stopping crime. I believe this is the reason why the Government has decided not to give us each our own personal Nuclear Weapon in the name of a Constitutional right for proper civil level defense in the event of King George's zombie taking over the Judiciary Branch.
Oh and the lovely "Spanish" Culture in Texas. I used to believe that minorities now appreciate their precious civil right that they have fought so hard to obtain in predominantly Anglo Saxon dominated society. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I was eating breakfast at one of the many local Mexican Restaurants and over heard a conversation in the adjacent table. Now bear in mind all of the people are Latin American in origin, also keep in mind that I am the only white person in this entire resturant.
The topic of the conversation was how just recently "blacks" have moved into their apartment complex and how the presence of this ethnicity has been brining in large amounts of crime and how their should be a policy in place that all African Americans should undergo a criminal background check in the event that they would like to rent in the same apartment complex as Latin Americans. At this point I almost threw my breakfast taco directly at the women making the comments.
I no longer question how the President of the United States is as incompetent as he is, its not his fault people! Spend some time in Texas , breath in the air , but be careful, oh be so very careful. All these and many things have lead me to believe that Texas is a breeding ground for assholes. They must come from somewhere and I believe I have found that place.
I miss you all!
First of Texas do not believe in making cars with blinkers , and as far as I can tell have somehow found a a way to reverse engineer the steering well with their cell phones so that by having the cell phone on your ear and the slight turning of ones head some how manages to make their 10,000 pound trucks turn almost instantly in front of your without hesitation or warning. Being that I am from the North when I employee my auditory alarm device in a reaction to this almost alien form of driving it is always met with a distance almost zombie like stare from the offending driver. Which lead me to think, "should I get made at the people, is this really there fault?". This is where my suspicions of ass-hole breading ground began.
Next is the alarming amount of gun related crimes and or accidents in Texas. I have found that there is a Texas drinking game where ones turns on the evening news and for every report on a gun related crime or accident one must take a shot. Being that I have a considerable tolerance for alcoholic beverages I decided I would join my new found Texan brethren in this regional "sports" event. The news started at 11:00 PM CST, I was drunk by 11:30 PM CST. Now the reasoning behind having so many guns available to the general populace by most Texas is that it is their constitutional right and that the cops are a useless deter int when it comes to administering deadly force when necessary. Ironicly enough the officers of the law in Texas spend most of their time investigating or dealing with the after math that of their "volunteer honorary officers" decision making skills rather than actually pro actively stopping crime. I believe this is the reason why the Government has decided not to give us each our own personal Nuclear Weapon in the name of a Constitutional right for proper civil level defense in the event of King George's zombie taking over the Judiciary Branch.
Oh and the lovely "Spanish" Culture in Texas. I used to believe that minorities now appreciate their precious civil right that they have fought so hard to obtain in predominantly Anglo Saxon dominated society. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I was eating breakfast at one of the many local Mexican Restaurants and over heard a conversation in the adjacent table. Now bear in mind all of the people are Latin American in origin, also keep in mind that I am the only white person in this entire resturant.
The topic of the conversation was how just recently "blacks" have moved into their apartment complex and how the presence of this ethnicity has been brining in large amounts of crime and how their should be a policy in place that all African Americans should undergo a criminal background check in the event that they would like to rent in the same apartment complex as Latin Americans. At this point I almost threw my breakfast taco directly at the women making the comments.
I no longer question how the President of the United States is as incompetent as he is, its not his fault people! Spend some time in Texas , breath in the air , but be careful, oh be so very careful. All these and many things have lead me to believe that Texas is a breeding ground for assholes. They must come from somewhere and I believe I have found that place.
I miss you all!