If the Bible had been Twittered
From ironic_catholic, or http://www.ironiccatholic.com/2009/08/if-bible-had-been-twittered.html
The genesis of this idea came from a weighty theological question posed by my nine-year-old son during our family catechesis: "Why did God come to earth two thousand years ago instead of now?" Normally I am stumped by these questions that kids think up, but I know the answer to this one: Clearly, God wanted to inspire the sacred authors before the advent of Twitter, lest the Bible be reduced to a series of 73 tweets of 140 characters each, to wit:
Genesis:
God gives humans a good deal. Humans screw it up. God lectures humans, bails them out. Again. Codependent? No, just covenantal.
Genesis (alternate version):
More dysfunctional families than 12 daytime talk shows, but God makes them into a great nation anyway. Eat your heart out, Dr. Phil!
Exodus:
After ten warnings, Pharaoh goes up against God AGAIN, gets a-- kicked. LOL. But Hebs whining "Are we there yet?" gets on even God's nerves.
Leviticus
Rats, geckos, and bats are officially off the menu, folks. Forget about that Kentucky Fried Bats franchise concept.
Joshua:
Going in! Wait, someone is here already. Let's walk around the city a few times.
Lamentations:
Stuff happens.
Job:
Stuff happens, and only God knows why.
Jonah:
Sure, the Assyrians invaded your country and enslaved your people. But seeing their livestock in sackcloth will be the sweetest revenge.
Gospel of John:
Jesus said, "The Father is in me, and I am in the Father; if you live in me, the Father lives in you, and--" Uh, we need an editor, stat!
Revelation:
OMG! No, this time it's for real. Time to think up new, more pious way to express surprise.
The genesis of this idea came from a weighty theological question posed by my nine-year-old son during our family catechesis: "Why did God come to earth two thousand years ago instead of now?" Normally I am stumped by these questions that kids think up, but I know the answer to this one: Clearly, God wanted to inspire the sacred authors before the advent of Twitter, lest the Bible be reduced to a series of 73 tweets of 140 characters each, to wit:
Genesis:
God gives humans a good deal. Humans screw it up. God lectures humans, bails them out. Again. Codependent? No, just covenantal.
Genesis (alternate version):
More dysfunctional families than 12 daytime talk shows, but God makes them into a great nation anyway. Eat your heart out, Dr. Phil!
Exodus:
After ten warnings, Pharaoh goes up against God AGAIN, gets a-- kicked. LOL. But Hebs whining "Are we there yet?" gets on even God's nerves.
Leviticus
Rats, geckos, and bats are officially off the menu, folks. Forget about that Kentucky Fried Bats franchise concept.
Joshua:
Going in! Wait, someone is here already. Let's walk around the city a few times.
Lamentations:
Stuff happens.
Job:
Stuff happens, and only God knows why.
Jonah:
Sure, the Assyrians invaded your country and enslaved your people. But seeing their livestock in sackcloth will be the sweetest revenge.
Gospel of John:
Jesus said, "The Father is in me, and I am in the Father; if you live in me, the Father lives in you, and--" Uh, we need an editor, stat!
Revelation:
OMG! No, this time it's for real. Time to think up new, more pious way to express surprise.