him

[belly_botton]

he called me today.

i didn't even know that it was him.

i asked for his name and when i heard it,

i wanted so badly to take back the question.

he gave me the first compliment in months

even though he had only seen me driving by

we talked for minutes

and afterward i couldn't help but cry

i hate him for making me like this

i hate wishing he was here

i hate the way he knows that he is all i wish for at night

i hate how my worst nightmares are when he says i mean nothing to him

why can i not move on?

why does every memory of us send me into tears?

i do not know the answers to these questions

and fear i never will

and the most horrifying part of all

i think i will always love him

for the ass hole he is