[fic] Things to Bring to Hell

[belluminabyssus]

title: Things to Bring to Hell
word count: ~850
author's note: This was written simultaneously for that contest thorarosebird post about on brigits_flame a few weeks ago and for this week's BF prompt, "reprisal." I wrote this in about four hours, as the Writer's Weekly contest is 24 hours total, fit the prompt, and it also fit some lesser known definitions of reprisal that

Comments

[so_wordy]

I think the cuts you made here is what makes it read so smoothly. There is such brevity, not the plot hindering kind, but almost like we (the reader) are dropped into an already unfolding story. Now we have to figure out where to go and what's going on.

I detect rhythm in this piece (I do!). If you removed some words (I think it was "hell" at one point, not sure of others), there would be such a flawless flow. This is already amazing in tone and having a lyric quality would really add to it.

Also, one of my favorite things about this piece has to be the fact that your narrator is so precise (it took two months to find hell, how looking too hard is worse than not looking at all, and the supplies needed to traverse hell). I'm a big fan of Greek myth, so the fact that you weaved Persephone's story in there AND winter, well...I am very happy indeed. Then,in the end, the absence of attention to detail (no body for the soul) is what makes the mission a failure.

THIS IS CREATIVE. YOU ARE AWESOME. THAT IS ALL.

Way to subvert the hot stereotype. You go!

[belluminabyssus]

I'm glad it worked for you! I'm sure it could've been edited even more, but as it was for that 24-hr contest and I had things to do, I didn't really have time. Hopefully as it is, it'll be good enough to get me in (in the contest, I couldn't even use roman numerals or any symbol at all to break it up, or it added to the word count ... soooo everything is just spaced crazily).

BUT I AM REALLY HAPPY YOU LIKED IT. I'd definitely be happy to go over this later and make it flow more ... nicely, I suppose? If there's anything that jumps out at you in particular, let me know and I'll make a note of it! I don't believe it's fair to change anything until everyone's voted and whatnot (because I find that to be cheating) but I'll write it down and edit it when this week at BF is over. :)

[so_wordy]

MARTIN FREEMAN *flails*

I love the use of your roman numerals for sections, so I'm glad you used them here!

If you'd like, I can go through this and edit it in a word document with suggestions. I figure that would be the easiest way to do things. Then I can email it to you?

Silly, you're not cheating. The poll hasn't closed yet!

But yes, if you want I can do that and you can look at it later. How about it?

[belluminabyssus]

I KNOW HE'S LOVELY.

And sure, that would be awesome! Thanks so much. :)

And yeeeah I know the poll hasn't closed yet but two people (at least) have already read it, and I'd feel weird changing it after the fact, y'know? Unless it's nothing crazy. :) If it's a few words, sure, but if it's drastic ... ehhhhhhhh. But regardless, it definitely will need edits, even if not for the poll! Hopefully it's good enough as-is to at least PLACE in that 24-hr contest ... money would be nice right about now. XD