So, Saturday.
I should state for my future self that this will most certainly be my last hoe down. And if I should decided to resurrect it, I should try to remember why exactly I should not try again.
So no one really showed up till later, but after maybe 2 actual songs in which anyone gave a hoot, I went outside to get a breather from an atmosphere I had grown to dislike. Truth be told, no one really cared about the music. No one really cared about the pieces of wood they were standing on. So I stepped outside to get a slightly tighter grip on reality on a few levels. So I step outside and I can hear that someone had changed the music on the ipod to music other than what was on the playlist and then I really had to settle myself. I mean, at the time, all I could think about was that people knew what they were getting into. They had been before and they understood that at least miraj and myself participate in dancing and carrying on and sweating profusely. But it took only an hour and a half before someone didnt like what was going on and decided to take it over for themselves. And my little sinew of bitterness in my brain appeared. I had to actually calm my spirits. All these people wanted to do was drink and chill. If they wanted to do that, they could have gone anywhere else and done that, but why just bring that mediocre stuff here?
And then I had to slap myself. No one really cares that much. Just me. And its okay.
It is a little hard for me to let things go. Everyone has their particulars of favorite things in life and its tough for me that it seems that all of my favorites are things that most of my friends dont really have any care for. I also get way too idealistic about how things should go. I definitely get that from my pops. And I even recall earlier saying about how I used to get stressed about making sure all parties went to according to plan. And I wasnt for a while. But Hoe downs are different. My memories of them are all so fond and they all start and end with dancing my ass off for hours on end. And its that particular part which seems to make them stand out so in a brain that is filled with beautiful times with friends. So I get a little defensive of them. Just like Old Time Religion, if its good enough for me, it should be for you.
But what I also forgot is that people need to create their own in something that wasnt intended for them. I found myself...not resenting per se, but looking down on others for a minute for not following along. But I cant blame them. There is hardly a personality parallel between the OG's and my now seasoned veteran partying friends. And then in the middle of it, is me. And while it is so important to me, so is everyone else. Which is why I will never do this again, haha.
So I decided to stop sulking in the dark of the street outside and decided that I should finish what I started. And then everything went back to being okay. I hung out, stopped worrying about the dancing, got to talk, drink, catch up, and have a good time. Then the dancing took care of itself. And the rest of the night is history.
So I told miraj later that there really shouldnt be another one. Theres no need. If anything its a poor means of me attempting to resurrect a time and place which no longer exists. And the old ones should be cherished for that they were, not for what they are now. I mean as usual, the best time I had is when I put on Grills and the homeboys all threw down some lyrics.
Now I'm not taking this as an end all growing up story. I still want to have fun and I still want to have parties, and when I really just wanna dance...I just wanna dance. But that particular time and place isnt the same and I need to be more accepting of change.
Having that been said, I'm really looking forward to the summer. By the time I get back from England, it should be prime time for my girls to be back. And then, its going to be awesome. I'm going to have less hours at work and more hours of fun with the crew.
And I miss my Molly. It will truly be summer when you return.
So no one really showed up till later, but after maybe 2 actual songs in which anyone gave a hoot, I went outside to get a breather from an atmosphere I had grown to dislike. Truth be told, no one really cared about the music. No one really cared about the pieces of wood they were standing on. So I stepped outside to get a slightly tighter grip on reality on a few levels. So I step outside and I can hear that someone had changed the music on the ipod to music other than what was on the playlist and then I really had to settle myself. I mean, at the time, all I could think about was that people knew what they were getting into. They had been before and they understood that at least miraj and myself participate in dancing and carrying on and sweating profusely. But it took only an hour and a half before someone didnt like what was going on and decided to take it over for themselves. And my little sinew of bitterness in my brain appeared. I had to actually calm my spirits. All these people wanted to do was drink and chill. If they wanted to do that, they could have gone anywhere else and done that, but why just bring that mediocre stuff here?
And then I had to slap myself. No one really cares that much. Just me. And its okay.
It is a little hard for me to let things go. Everyone has their particulars of favorite things in life and its tough for me that it seems that all of my favorites are things that most of my friends dont really have any care for. I also get way too idealistic about how things should go. I definitely get that from my pops. And I even recall earlier saying about how I used to get stressed about making sure all parties went to according to plan. And I wasnt for a while. But Hoe downs are different. My memories of them are all so fond and they all start and end with dancing my ass off for hours on end. And its that particular part which seems to make them stand out so in a brain that is filled with beautiful times with friends. So I get a little defensive of them. Just like Old Time Religion, if its good enough for me, it should be for you.
But what I also forgot is that people need to create their own in something that wasnt intended for them. I found myself...not resenting per se, but looking down on others for a minute for not following along. But I cant blame them. There is hardly a personality parallel between the OG's and my now seasoned veteran partying friends. And then in the middle of it, is me. And while it is so important to me, so is everyone else. Which is why I will never do this again, haha.
So I decided to stop sulking in the dark of the street outside and decided that I should finish what I started. And then everything went back to being okay. I hung out, stopped worrying about the dancing, got to talk, drink, catch up, and have a good time. Then the dancing took care of itself. And the rest of the night is history.
So I told miraj later that there really shouldnt be another one. Theres no need. If anything its a poor means of me attempting to resurrect a time and place which no longer exists. And the old ones should be cherished for that they were, not for what they are now. I mean as usual, the best time I had is when I put on Grills and the homeboys all threw down some lyrics.
Now I'm not taking this as an end all growing up story. I still want to have fun and I still want to have parties, and when I really just wanna dance...I just wanna dance. But that particular time and place isnt the same and I need to be more accepting of change.
Having that been said, I'm really looking forward to the summer. By the time I get back from England, it should be prime time for my girls to be back. And then, its going to be awesome. I'm going to have less hours at work and more hours of fun with the crew.
And I miss my Molly. It will truly be summer when you return.