(re-Edited)
-The first draft in retrospect and about an hour ago didnt really get to what I had meant it to mean.
So for the record my body has been gettin it!
I had shoulder problems for a month throughout November to the point where I had to find intuitive ways in order to get myself to sleep. Last Wednesday I got a second degree sprain in my right ankle and its still bruised and sore. And now I've come down with a case of the faucet-face. Gross. I gotta get myself in check. An hour ago I was passed out with tissues up my nose and now I'm wide awake and normal. WTF.
Anyways. So theres an idea thats been rollin around my head for the past month. I kinda forgot to spit it out, but since I'm all hyped up on advil, it seems like a good time.
Love. What a concept. I find myself saying "I love you" more now than I did when I was actually in love.
But the idea of finding the one is a topic without a definitive end I suppose. Technically it ends when you find it, but I mean knowing how to find it, recognize it, and hold onto it...it takes a very special set of events. Its only one of the most documented and sought after emotions that has ever existed, yet it is no stranger to confusion and misunderstandings. But in my own struggles in coming to meet up with it once more, I've been so confused and have had so much stagnant progress that I've been thinking of ways to interpret it.
Lets put it this way. Many of us have (including myself) have had opportunities for having an opportunity to spend time with incredible people, and by this I mean having an intimate connection with more than just one person. Someone that makes you smile, someone that turns you on, someone that makes you feel at home in your, and on their, skin. However, for the sake of examples, I know that a person such as PJ, myself, molly ect. have been in situations where you've been completely infatuated with more than one person. But when the concept of the "one" or falling in love comes in, things can get messy. Alright, for the sake of an easier argument, I'm gonna toss out the concept of the one, just for a paragraph or two.
Lets say, in my situation for example, I've been in love, and been in relationships of different levels with some great girls who all in their own way have: been there for me, done incredible things for me, been a friend, been a lightning rod for fun, been the apple of my eye, and so on.
--sidenote-- this advil is startin to have the "WAAOOOooooWAAOOOOO" effect...whew!
So what is once fortunate man to do? How is it possible to decipher between "this" potential good situation and "that" potential good situation? I'm not going to lie in that while it may seem that I am going about my usual business, but I also realize that I'm 22 and i am not looking to be a bachelor forever. So in this search, I've realized that an optimistic, fun, intelligent person is in fact what we are all looking for, but thats only half the battle. This whole other half of meeting that customized-to-your-desires one is the other.
Finding love is as hard as it is because life isnt as simple as "You like Family Guy? I love Family Guy...were so perfect." Everyone has secret desires and wants in that ideal perfect person. And maybe, you dont even really know what you want until it hits you in the face. But I've been wrestling with myself over the small important details about my deeply confusing personality.
And the way I've done it is with some good old fashioned soul searching. I've tried to pick myself apart and figure out, almost percentage wise, parts of myself to fit in certain categories of individuality. How much docility would I sacrifice to satisfy my itch for the ridiculous. How much attractiveness would I sacrifice to have a decent conversation. And the vise versa applies to both. Its not that black and white, but sorta along the lines on me sitting myself down and actually coming to terms with what I really like/want/need.
So when I'm hanging out with a different girl I have tried out familiar situations and tried to measure up how things feel. You know, like maybe this time, its really different and not what I expected, but its kinda cool. That kind of thing. And every time I recognize something stellar I remember it and try not to settle for less. So I've tried to single out characteristics that I come running to. But on the flip side, as soon as something happens that is so out of the ordinary and so far removed from anything that's me, I find myself with a immediate compatibility problem, I seem to mentally jump right back to the search list, almost over night.
But what worries me is that over the past year I feel like I want to bail over issues that may or may not, in fact, have been huge concerns. Maybe its because I feel like I'm running out of time. Not in that I'll die tomorrow, but that I'm behind in being closer, in real terms, with someone important. And I thought I would be. Also, perhaps because 2007 has been the year of the great chase and lets just say, nothing really turned out how I expected. And I'd be lying if I said that it hasn't affected me in pretty much all situations.
And lord knows what will happen, specifically, in one month or five from now.
Just as a side note, I made a bet with Miraj while I was living @ North Street, so... 2 years ago this winter. I bet him that out of all our friends, I, Eric, would be either the closest to marriage or the most prepared by the end of graduation. A bold statement, yes, but at the time I fully endorsed it. And a part of me feels like I still would be, given the right...well girl. Of course back then I assumed it would be with Sam. Another story. But it still brings to surface that I have a goal in mind and I'm still trying to get there. Its just taking me longer than I had first believed.
The terms of the bet were that if Miraj lost, he would have to be the "Ring Bear" at my wedding. Meaning that he would be the ring bearer in a bear costume, obviously playing the role in the ceremony ect. And if I lost, I would have to take acid at his (back when tripping was above sacred to me), mostly just so I would be planets away from my natural environment and he would get to watch me suffer/melt.
And guess whos gonna win the bet now....fuck....I really wanted him in that costume.
I suppose in the end, im not so much confused as much as I am completely unsure of anything that I do. Bummer right?
So for the record my body has been gettin it!
I had shoulder problems for a month throughout November to the point where I had to find intuitive ways in order to get myself to sleep. Last Wednesday I got a second degree sprain in my right ankle and its still bruised and sore. And now I've come down with a case of the faucet-face. Gross. I gotta get myself in check. An hour ago I was passed out with tissues up my nose and now I'm wide awake and normal. WTF.
Anyways. So theres an idea thats been rollin around my head for the past month. I kinda forgot to spit it out, but since I'm all hyped up on advil, it seems like a good time.
Love. What a concept. I find myself saying "I love you" more now than I did when I was actually in love.
But the idea of finding the one is a topic without a definitive end I suppose. Technically it ends when you find it, but I mean knowing how to find it, recognize it, and hold onto it...it takes a very special set of events. Its only one of the most documented and sought after emotions that has ever existed, yet it is no stranger to confusion and misunderstandings. But in my own struggles in coming to meet up with it once more, I've been so confused and have had so much stagnant progress that I've been thinking of ways to interpret it.
Lets put it this way. Many of us have (including myself) have had opportunities for having an opportunity to spend time with incredible people, and by this I mean having an intimate connection with more than just one person. Someone that makes you smile, someone that turns you on, someone that makes you feel at home in your, and on their, skin. However, for the sake of examples, I know that a person such as PJ, myself, molly ect. have been in situations where you've been completely infatuated with more than one person. But when the concept of the "one" or falling in love comes in, things can get messy. Alright, for the sake of an easier argument, I'm gonna toss out the concept of the one, just for a paragraph or two.
Lets say, in my situation for example, I've been in love, and been in relationships of different levels with some great girls who all in their own way have: been there for me, done incredible things for me, been a friend, been a lightning rod for fun, been the apple of my eye, and so on.
--sidenote-- this advil is startin to have the "WAAOOOooooWAAOOOOO" effect...whew!
So what is once fortunate man to do? How is it possible to decipher between "this" potential good situation and "that" potential good situation? I'm not going to lie in that while it may seem that I am going about my usual business, but I also realize that I'm 22 and i am not looking to be a bachelor forever. So in this search, I've realized that an optimistic, fun, intelligent person is in fact what we are all looking for, but thats only half the battle. This whole other half of meeting that customized-to-your-desires one is the other.
Finding love is as hard as it is because life isnt as simple as "You like Family Guy? I love Family Guy...were so perfect." Everyone has secret desires and wants in that ideal perfect person. And maybe, you dont even really know what you want until it hits you in the face. But I've been wrestling with myself over the small important details about my deeply confusing personality.
And the way I've done it is with some good old fashioned soul searching. I've tried to pick myself apart and figure out, almost percentage wise, parts of myself to fit in certain categories of individuality. How much docility would I sacrifice to satisfy my itch for the ridiculous. How much attractiveness would I sacrifice to have a decent conversation. And the vise versa applies to both. Its not that black and white, but sorta along the lines on me sitting myself down and actually coming to terms with what I really like/want/need.
So when I'm hanging out with a different girl I have tried out familiar situations and tried to measure up how things feel. You know, like maybe this time, its really different and not what I expected, but its kinda cool. That kind of thing. And every time I recognize something stellar I remember it and try not to settle for less. So I've tried to single out characteristics that I come running to. But on the flip side, as soon as something happens that is so out of the ordinary and so far removed from anything that's me, I find myself with a immediate compatibility problem, I seem to mentally jump right back to the search list, almost over night.
But what worries me is that over the past year I feel like I want to bail over issues that may or may not, in fact, have been huge concerns. Maybe its because I feel like I'm running out of time. Not in that I'll die tomorrow, but that I'm behind in being closer, in real terms, with someone important. And I thought I would be. Also, perhaps because 2007 has been the year of the great chase and lets just say, nothing really turned out how I expected. And I'd be lying if I said that it hasn't affected me in pretty much all situations.
And lord knows what will happen, specifically, in one month or five from now.
Just as a side note, I made a bet with Miraj while I was living @ North Street, so... 2 years ago this winter. I bet him that out of all our friends, I, Eric, would be either the closest to marriage or the most prepared by the end of graduation. A bold statement, yes, but at the time I fully endorsed it. And a part of me feels like I still would be, given the right...well girl. Of course back then I assumed it would be with Sam. Another story. But it still brings to surface that I have a goal in mind and I'm still trying to get there. Its just taking me longer than I had first believed.
The terms of the bet were that if Miraj lost, he would have to be the "Ring Bear" at my wedding. Meaning that he would be the ring bearer in a bear costume, obviously playing the role in the ceremony ect. And if I lost, I would have to take acid at his (back when tripping was above sacred to me), mostly just so I would be planets away from my natural environment and he would get to watch me suffer/melt.
And guess whos gonna win the bet now....fuck....I really wanted him in that costume.
I suppose in the end, im not so much confused as much as I am completely unsure of anything that I do. Bummer right?