lateness and the brain
why, oh why, can i never be on time for anything? sometimes i think i have a genetic configuration that disallows me to be anything less than 5 minutes late to things. it gets me in trouble sometimes. like when you have health service appointments and not only jane the secretary calls you to remind you 15 minutes before, but your therapist calls 5 minutes later!
i swear, i swear i'm getting my shoes on!
anyhow, i have become very good at procrastinating lately. "work hard to play hard" has always been my ideal, but recently i haven't been living up to the work part of it. so tonight, i am shutting myself up in my room with good music, chex mix, and vanilla coke to entice myself into having a senior project work party for the next 4 hours - woo-hoo! i need to get some mad pages written before i see the Tabster on friday.
i think i can, i think i can...
had a nice conversation with peri today, and she made me rethink a lot of stuff. my idea of butchness, for example. where i see it as an attitude - a certain kind of take-no-bullshit assertiveness, peri sees butch women as holding a kind of protective stance. (this is why she is CONVINCED nikkya is secretly or not so secretly a total butch lezzie, hehe). but maybe it's true. i certainly do not hold this protective quality - i love my friends but i do not see myself as their protector. not that i don't care about other people - i just expect them to defend themselves, hold their own heads up. i am not, as peri says, the person to be the one to do the "heavy lifting." let's face it: in some ways, i barely even have the instinct to protect myself.
and i think being protective of someone requires a certain amount of blind loyalty. which rainey likes to point out i am incapable of being. i am not Loyal to people or ideals or places in the true sense of the word - i am too much of an objective-minded gemini to pick a side and stick with it throughout.
i also started thinking more about coming-out as a process, not just a one-time thing. how so many women (myself included) come into their lesbianism by going back intermittently to men, checking out the scene one more time to make sure we haven't missed out on something good. establishing & reestablishing our relationships with other people. makes you wonder, doesn't it? is this why just a little over a year ago i was with michael??
sigh. well, it's off to my own little work par-tay. but first, let me just say that alexis' birthday ruled and that she is the hottest thing since sliced bread with her new sponge-bob squarepants boxers, dog tag, and wife-beaters (ahem, i mean A-shirts). happy birthday, girl.
i swear, i swear i'm getting my shoes on!
anyhow, i have become very good at procrastinating lately. "work hard to play hard" has always been my ideal, but recently i haven't been living up to the work part of it. so tonight, i am shutting myself up in my room with good music, chex mix, and vanilla coke to entice myself into having a senior project work party for the next 4 hours - woo-hoo! i need to get some mad pages written before i see the Tabster on friday.
i think i can, i think i can...
had a nice conversation with peri today, and she made me rethink a lot of stuff. my idea of butchness, for example. where i see it as an attitude - a certain kind of take-no-bullshit assertiveness, peri sees butch women as holding a kind of protective stance. (this is why she is CONVINCED nikkya is secretly or not so secretly a total butch lezzie, hehe). but maybe it's true. i certainly do not hold this protective quality - i love my friends but i do not see myself as their protector. not that i don't care about other people - i just expect them to defend themselves, hold their own heads up. i am not, as peri says, the person to be the one to do the "heavy lifting." let's face it: in some ways, i barely even have the instinct to protect myself.
and i think being protective of someone requires a certain amount of blind loyalty. which rainey likes to point out i am incapable of being. i am not Loyal to people or ideals or places in the true sense of the word - i am too much of an objective-minded gemini to pick a side and stick with it throughout.
i also started thinking more about coming-out as a process, not just a one-time thing. how so many women (myself included) come into their lesbianism by going back intermittently to men, checking out the scene one more time to make sure we haven't missed out on something good. establishing & reestablishing our relationships with other people. makes you wonder, doesn't it? is this why just a little over a year ago i was with michael??
sigh. well, it's off to my own little work par-tay. but first, let me just say that alexis' birthday ruled and that she is the hottest thing since sliced bread with her new sponge-bob squarepants boxers, dog tag, and wife-beaters (ahem, i mean A-shirts). happy birthday, girl.