So like..
I'm really, really, scared now.
She takes her PMS out on me.
She[my mother] hit me about half an hour ago.
She was yelling at me, because I couldn't clean very well, since my contacts were off. (My eyes started hurting so I took them out about two hours ago.) She asked me a question, and I answered it. Not in a rude tone, but not in the way she wanted me to answer.
I answered as if nothing was wrong.
And she got mad at me, for not answering the way she wanted me to: she wanted me to be scared of her.
And I am.
But I'm trying not to show it.
I'm answering as if nothing goes wrong, as if I'm telling her, "No, I'm not scared of you." Or in like, a confident voice.
It was on the back of my shoulder. I think I'm bruised or something. I can't really see it.
I don't know what to do. She was talking about me running away to her friend Jen on the phone earlier.. How she knows where all my friends live(most?) and stuff. She doesn't know where Anna lives. So, if I get the money to ride a bus or something, maybe I can run away to Anna's! :D Or Bri's..Aha. I don't know.
But I don't like it here.
The reason why I was anorexic last year was because of things like this..when I'm under stress like this, I don't eat. It happened about two times last year, for about two-week periods. I mean, I ate occasionally, sure, but not as often as I should have. I had days where I didn't eat at all, or for two to three days. If I did eat, it was just a really small meal. I don't know why I did that, or still do that, but I do. But I don't want to. But I can't help it. As hungry as I am, I don't have an appetite for anything, or I feel sick.
She takes her PMS out on me.
She[my mother] hit me about half an hour ago.
She was yelling at me, because I couldn't clean very well, since my contacts were off. (My eyes started hurting so I took them out about two hours ago.) She asked me a question, and I answered it. Not in a rude tone, but not in the way she wanted me to answer.
I answered as if nothing was wrong.
And she got mad at me, for not answering the way she wanted me to: she wanted me to be scared of her.
And I am.
But I'm trying not to show it.
I'm answering as if nothing goes wrong, as if I'm telling her, "No, I'm not scared of you." Or in like, a confident voice.
It was on the back of my shoulder. I think I'm bruised or something. I can't really see it.
I don't know what to do. She was talking about me running away to her friend Jen on the phone earlier.. How she knows where all my friends live(most?) and stuff. She doesn't know where Anna lives. So, if I get the money to ride a bus or something, maybe I can run away to Anna's! :D Or Bri's..Aha. I don't know.
But I don't like it here.
The reason why I was anorexic last year was because of things like this..when I'm under stress like this, I don't eat. It happened about two times last year, for about two-week periods. I mean, I ate occasionally, sure, but not as often as I should have. I had days where I didn't eat at all, or for two to three days. If I did eat, it was just a really small meal. I don't know why I did that, or still do that, but I do. But I don't want to. But I can't help it. As hungry as I am, I don't have an appetite for anything, or I feel sick.