All About Jacob - Fletcher/Jones - Standalone
Title: All About Jacob
Author: valquiris
Part: 1/1
Rating: PG
Pairing: Fletcher/Jones
Genre: Angst, Romance
Summary: “Because everything is all about him. It’s all about Jacob. That’s the lifestyle I’ve had to accept since he came to my life, and I embrace it without questioning why it has to be about him.”
A/N: Oh, the agony of writing this. I cried nearly every seven minutes! But I love this fic, it's one of my favorites (of those I have written). It's pretty lengthy, the longest SA I've done yet, but I couldn't break this into chapters. I was inspired by the movie "The Black Balloon," which is an amazing movie, and I hope you guys like it!
Disclaimer: I do not own McFly in any way.
Danny was getting very weary of watching the television, more because of the lack of shows to watch than the fact that he never bothered to turn the device on in the first place. Today was a Sunday, and therefore, his usual shows weren’t going to be aired until the next day.
He stared at the rectangle of inky blackness from the sofa, head propped up against the armrest, arms interlaced over his stomach. He really should have been doing something with his time rather than wasting it on the menial activity he undertook, but he couldn’t bring himself to think of anything at the moment.
Sure, he could always go outside and hang out with some friends; that was always an option. As far as he knew, they had nothing planned as well, but he didn’t want to submit himself to the same old routine he always did during the weekends. He wanted to do something out of the norm, and what better way to do that than to gape at an empty television screen.
After a few uneventful minutes, he shifted his gaze out the window next to the set, and he could just see, for the hedge outside was blocking half of his view, a few children playing tag or some game that required a lot of running. The usual miscreants ran past the hedge, three or four chasing their friend, who seemed unfamiliar, and Danny sat up immediately, curious.
There was something about the way the boy in the front ran that was noticeably different from his peers; he had his arms halfway raised in the air, fingers curled up close to his face, head craned a bit to the left, shoulders elevated so that his neck seemed nonexistent, legs slightly pointed inward much like a pigeon, making his steps erratic. Was this a new game, thought Danny as he stood up, the children invented as a remedy for Sunday afternoon boredom? If so, it didn’t seem like it was a very nice game to play, for when the leader wheeled back around past the hedge once again, Danny could see an expression of fear etched on his face, and at once, he knew what was wrong.
It wasn’t a game; it was a chase. And the one being chased wasn’t playing the game-he was the game.
Danny didn’t waste any time running out the door and rounding on the children when he barred their path with his arms outstretched to either side of him, eyes striking.
“Hold it!” he ordered, but the first boy ran past him all the same, making incoherent noises with every step. The rest stopped, their amused looks gone in a flash, eyes glazing over the elder with confusion and disbelief.
“Just what-” Danny began, but he faltered at once when he felt something grabbing the back of his shirt. Turning his head to look over his shoulder, his eyes widened when he saw the boy, crouching low and watching the others warily, fear perpetually imprinted in his eyes, his free hand still curled up and clawing softly the corner of his mouth. Danny turned back to the children, dropping one arm and raising the other to point at them with an angry finger, and glowered. “Just what do you think you’re doing to him?”
A scrawny brunette, the tallest of the little group, with an angular face marked by masses of freckles rivaling those on Danny’s body stepped out from the back, emanating an air of resilience.
“What’s it to you?” he asked Danny coldly, crossing his arms over his chest and tossing his head importantly to the side, a sneer crinkling his nose. “We’re just having fun, playing a game with the freak, but that’s not really any of your business, is it?”
Danny stooped low to level his gaze with him, eyes narrowed in annoyance.
“Mind your attitude or I’ll knock your teeth in,” threatened Danny with the most serious face he could make. But the boy stood his ground, puffing out his chest like a king, dropping his arms, poised and ready for a fight.
“I’d like to see you try,” he retorted. Danny laughed in disbelief and rose to his full height, lightly shaking his head.
“If I see you, or any of you-” he glared over to the rest, who shrank behind the cheeky boy “-chasing him again, I will. And trust me, it will hurt.”
“You’ll get yours, just you wait,” the boy said, throwing Danny the middle finger, and he ushered his followers back to the other side of the road. Danny made a mocking face and turned back to the crouching blonde, kneeling in order to get a better look.
His eyes looked back just for a second, and Danny managed a warm smile.
“Are you alright?” the brunette asked, but the boy didn’t answer. He only breathed heavily, making soft sounds in between moaning and groaning, shaking his head with his hands clasped around his ears, rocking back and forth like a cradle. Danny looked at him in sympathy; how could children be so mean to one such as him? Don’t they know better?
Danny tried to catch his eyes, but they kept averting whenever he succeeded.
“Your parents must be worried. Where do you live?” he asked, and the boy shook and nodded his head at the same time. Danny wasn’t sure what this meant, and he was about to ask again when he heard something behind him.
“Jacob? Jacob, where are you?”
Danny turned his head to the sound and found a boy, about the same age as him by his looks, golden hair waving in the air and bouncing as he walked, looking around the area, nails restlessly scratching his forearm, worry evident in his face. He seemed oddly familiar, and when Danny went back to the boy, who was now sitting on the grass twirling a flower and laughing to himself, he discovered why. They had the same shade of blonde, though the older one’s was much longer, and even from a distance, he could make out similarities between their features.
Danny stood up and waved an arm to catch his attention. The blonde saw him immediately and, eyes widening, ran quickly over to them.
“Oh, Jacob, how many times do we have to tell you not to run away!” he said exasperatedly as he came upon them, kneeling beside the boy named Jacob and cupping his face to focus his attention. “Do you understand me? Don’t go running off again!” He said the latter part slowly, eyes intent on Jacob’s, who nodded his comprehension as best he could, letting the flower slip from his fingers. Heaving a sigh of relief, the elder enveloped him in an embrace, kissing his temple softly as he cooed and giggled.
Danny was watching the affectionate scene with a smile, and he folded his arms as he turned to leave, not intending to ruin it. He was quite relieved to find him in such a loving care. Now he wouldn’t have to worry.
“Wait!” said the other boy, and Danny spun around to see him standing up, Jacob’s hand firmly clasped in his. “Thank you for finding my brother. We’ve just moved and he’s… ill.” Danny nodded and smiled.
“Oh, it’s nothing. I just saw he needed some help,” Danny said, moving closer to the brothers. “People can be so apathetic these days.”
“I’m glad you’re different, then,” he said with a soft laugh, extending his free hand. “I’m Tom by the way.” Danny received the hand with his own and shook it.
“Danny.”
With that, he let go and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Tom smiled and tugged Jacob back, who had just bent down to retrieve his fallen flower.
“Don’t touch that. It’s dirty,” he whispered, turning to Jacob with a smile, whose eyes had begun to water. “Come on, Mum’s worried.” Giving Danny one last show of gratitude, he led Jacob to their house, and Danny stood on the spot, rocking himself on the balls of his feet. Well that was certainly something new, he thought with a smile as he turned the other way to go back home, but he stopped at once when he heard Tom calling his name.
“Would you like to come over?” Tom asked, eyes hopeful, as Jacob yanked his arm repeatedly. “Stop it! Mum’s just made lunch, and she’d love to meet you.”
“Sure,” Danny considered without any thought, and he ambled his way over on Jacob’s other side, who giggled happily, his free hand tapping the back of Danny’s. Tom noticed this, and he shot Danny an apologetic look.
“Oh, he wants you to hold his hand. He does that when he meets someone he likes.”
Danny chuckled lightly and caught hold of the persistent hand. A bit cold, but Danny thought the warmth of his hand would neutralize it. Jacob jumped in glee and began to run, still attached to the others’ hands, and they lengthened their strides to keep up.
Pushing through the door, Tom allowed Jacob to speed inside, and he immediately jumped on the sofa in semi-squat, clawed fingers raised close to his face much like earlier. Tom permitted Danny entrance before him, and he closed the door the moment he himself stepped inside.
“Mum, we’re back!” Tom yelled, echoing faintly around the house, and before he could repeat himself when no answer came, a tall woman with shoulder-length blonde hair appeared from the kitchen, wiping her hands in her pink apron.
“Oh, good,” she said, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. She stopped in front of Danny, who was a few inches shorter than her, and shot Tom with a look. Tom perked up at once and chuckled.
“Oh, this is Danny, Mum. He found Jacob earlier.”
Danny extended a hand and caught the woman’s, muttering “nice to meet you” with a nod. When they parted, she stepped back and sighed.
“Thank you, Danny. Tom, go get your brother ready to eat,” she said, and Tom complied at once, darting over to Jacob, who was keeping himself busy with a pair of slippers. Tom accompanied him up the stairs and both disappeared after reaching the landing. She turned to Danny and smiled, who tore his gaze from the staircase and settled it on her.
“Erm, why don’t you go make yourself comfortable in the dining room until they come back.”
Danny nodded as she excused herself back to the kitchen, and he searched the house for the dining room. Locating it on the far end, he made his way there, taking note of the curious little trinkets and pictures that hung from the walls on the way.
Most of them contained Jacob in one way or another, some with his parents and Tom, some with just Tom, and some with either parent. The rest were Tom as a child, playing a different game in all of them. The gaps between the frames either held dreamcatchers of varying sizes and colors, or links of flowers, some large enough to accommodate three necks at once while some just enough to encircle a wrist.
Disentangling his gaze, he came upon the dining room and sat down on one of the chairs, positioning his hands on top of each other on the tabletop as he waited.
A few minutes later, Danny saw Jacob appear from the corner donning a new shirt, a blue bib draped around his neck, and Tom emerged behind him shortly afterward, hands on the boy’s shoulders to keep him steady. Danny watched as Tom ushered him off to his established seat, which was the seat next to the one right across Danny, and Tom occupied that space once he made sure his brother was completely ensconced.
They were silent for a while, the only sound provided the clattering of utensils against each other issuing from the kitchen and Jacob’s low moaning, and Tom resorted to fiddling with his brother’s bib while they waited.
Danny stared in wonder at how Tom treated his brother with utmost care; how he looked at the brink of fainting when he discovered his whereabouts; how he made possible all the details that came with his brother selflessly; how he didn’t complain. Danny felt there had been a severe lack of people like him in the world, and it was refreshing to know there were still some roaming around.
Tom caught Danny’s eyes and smiled, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.
“What is it? Something on my face?”
Danny laughed and shook his head, but before he could answer back, their mother turned up in the middle of the room, a plate of something Danny couldn’t make out in the distance held tightly in her hands. Tom shot up at once, helped his mother with her burden, and set the plate in the center of the table as she sauntered back to the kitchen.
Danny didn’t even have to look at the platter to know what it was; just judging by its smell, he knew it to be pot roast. Sure enough, it was, and he grinned when Jacob clapped giddily at the sight of it. Pot roast for lunch? Danny found this odd, for usually, these kinds of food were served for dinner, but he didn’t make a declaration about it. It was how their family worked, and who was he to question it?
After a few more trips, their mother finally sat herself down beside Jacob, and Danny was presented with a boatload of foodstuff, all of them, like the pot roast, generally destined of being served at dinnertime. He pushed the thought aside, however, and joined in once the rest piled their plates.
The meal went on like a dream; Tom was extremely loquacious, telling Danny with fervor about their previous home while his mother filled in anything he missed, and about Jacob and what he liked and didn’t like. All the while, Danny listened intently, laughing at the more amusing parts and beaming whenever Jacob would blush and scratch his head in embarrassment.
Halfway through, however, something triggered hostility in Jacob, and nobody was prepared for its blow.
He had been previously attempting to cut his roast into smaller pieces with his forks, and he was doing well considering his inability to steady his hands for a few seconds at a time. He managed to cut the piece in half, grinning proudly at Danny, who smiled back, but when he tried to pursue his achievement, the pieces refused separation, and it was then that Danny realized something was wrong.
Jacob shrieked and threw a fork on the table, missing a surprised-looking Danny’s hand by mere inches, growling in anger and sticking the other in every inch of the roast. He shook angrily, now wailing as Tom tried to subdue him by wrapping him in his arms, but he fought back, and he bit Tom’s arm with force, groans muffled by the action. Tom, who at first tried to hold it back, yelled out in pain, and he tried to loosen Jacob’s hold on his skin by pushing his head back. But all it did was exacerbate the situation, and their mother joined in the fray, grabbing her son’s convulsing shoulders to pull him away while she whispered words of comfort.
Finally, when Danny shot up from his seat to help, Jacob relented and fell on the floor, curling up in a ball and sobbing loud cries. His mother quickly fell to her knees to console him, pulling him into a tight hug and shushing him, and Danny darted over to Tom, whose arm was profusely bleeding.
Danny led him to the kitchen sink, applying pressure on the wound along the way. Together, they washed the blood away, revealing several fresh cuts in a circular formation. It took them a few minutes to finally stop the bleeding, and Tom wrapped a kitchen towel on the affliction at once.
“Do you need to see the doctor?” asked Danny worriedly, tying the ends of the cloth together when Tom found himself incapable of doing so. The blonde shook his head, and he ran his fingers along the covered length of his arm, smiling a personal smile despite the situation. From somewhere far off, Danny could still hear Jacob crying, almost drowning out his mother’s words of encouragement.
“I’m sorry about him,” Tom said suddenly, and Danny’s eyes snapped to him. “He’s not usually like that. Moving was hard for all of us, but he was affected the most. You see, he had to leave his friends behind and he doesn’t know how to start all over again. I guess he got all excited when he met you, and he wanted to show you that he was just like the rest of us, that he was normal. But whenever he gets excited, he seems more prone to tantrums, and that’s exactly what happened.”
An invisible claw wrenched Danny’s heart as he listened, and he turned his head to look over to the living room, on which Jacob was nodding furiously at what his mother had just told him. So Jacob only wanted a friend, he thought as he caught the boy’s eyes for a second, and those children didn’t help one bit. He felt the need to say something, and he didn’t hesitate to do so.
“I’ll be his friend,” said Danny, and Tom lifted his gaze from his arm to meet the brunette’s, a smile beginning to form.
“You mean that?”
“Yeah, I do,” Danny replied sincerely, and Tom looked like he wanted to hug him at that moment, but he didn’t do anything. Instead, they made their way to Jacob and their mother, who had the boy in a warm embrace, singing softly in his ear.
She noticed them at once and managed a teary smile, disentangling herself from her son, who clutched at the front of her shirt instinctively. She whispered something to make him release her, and she swept over to the two once he let go.
“Go tell him you’re sorry for yelling, he’s distraught,” she said firmly, holding back a sob, and strode over to the dining room to clean up.
Tom nodded a second later, more to himself than to his mother, and walked over to his brother, readying a smile. Danny followed immediately and both squatted before Jacob, who was rocking himself, fingers clawing the air close to his ears, emitting low groans that came and went with each breath.
Tom placed a hand on Jacob’s knee, who recoiled at first at the sudden contact, but he didn’t make a move to push it away.
“Jacob, I’m sorry,” Tom apologized, resting his afflicted arm on his own knee. “I shouldn’t have yelled-it’s all my fault.”
Danny watched him with subtle curiosity. He was the one that was severely damaged, and yet he was the one that was apologizing. But Danny couldn’t blame him; his brother needed consoling after such an event, and he would do it to his own, should he ever acquire one.
Jacob gave a high-pitched squeal and pointed at Tom’s covered arm, head shaking and eyes blinking uncoordinatedly. Tom looked at what he was indicating and shook his head, smile never leaving his lips.
“No, I’m fine. It’s not your fault, Jacob, please don’t make it seem like it is. Now give me a hug and everything will be better, yeah?”
Tom stood up and sat beside his brother, wrapping both arms around the boy’s neck, pressing his head on his chest. He kissed the top of his head when he felt his arms come up behind him, shaking and clawing at his shirt that was his own display of affection.
They parted after a while and both looked at Danny, who was getting teary-eyed at the moment, Tom keeping his arm around the other’s shoulder. Danny beamed brightly at Jacob and reached a hand to ruffle his hair, making his squirm a bit, laughing in glee under his touch.
“Hey there, little fella,” grinned Danny, who retracted his hand and placed it on his knee. “Feeling better?”
Jacob nodded haphazardly, remnants of giggles echoing around the house and filling Danny’s ears, and Tom laughed along with him, pulling him closer.
“Oh, Jacob, you’re all drenched in sweat!” remarked Tom suddenly, who at once wiped the glistening wetness clinging to the boy’s forehead with the side of his fist. “Mum! Jacob needs a bath!”
Their mother, who apparently had just finished with the dishes, came over to them hastily. He coaxed Jacob to his feet and, once accomplished, led him up the stairs as quickly as she could.
Danny eyed Tom in confusion, who turned to him the moment Jacob disappeared from his view.
“You’re wondering why we freaked out just now,” he said with a smile when Danny opened his mouth to ask the exact same thing, and he closed it the next moment. Tom patted the area next to him, his brown eyes focused on the cloth around his arm, and Danny occupied it in a second. “His illness didn’t just target his brain, it targeted his immune system too, according to the doctor. While he can fight off the less serious conditions, like allergies and the common cold, his immune system doesn’t fully neutralize them, and if left untreated, they’ll develop to something like pneumonia or the like. That’s why we can’t take our chances, and that it’s best to prevent the sickness from happening in the first place rather than to try to cure it when it actually occurs. That’s also the reason why he can’t eat after seven. I can’t explain why, but it’s not good for his system and should be avoided at all costs.”
Then they were silent, Jacob’s laughs from upstairs vibrating in their ears, and from the corners of his eyes, Danny looked at Tom’s arm, whose cover had garnered a bit of redness.
“You look like you need some fresh air,” Danny recommended, and Tom brought his eyes to him. “If you’re up to it, I can show you around.”
Tom smiled and craned his head to the ceiling, and Danny noticed the next second that the running water had stopped.
“Do you mind if-” Tom began, but Danny knew the rest before it even left his lips.
“Yeah, of course! I’ll take you to my favorite ice cream shop, he’d love it there.”
Tom smiled wider and shrugged his acceptance, uttering the word “alright” under his breath.
* * * * *
“Jacob, you’re going too far!” Tom declared as he swam after his brother’s swimming tube, which had just traveled a few feet behind them. Danny laughed and watched as Tom dragged his brother back to his original place, who splashed his hands and feet in the water in delight, sending showers of it on Tom’s face.
It had been a week since Danny first met the Fletcher brothers, and each subsequent day, he showed them somewhere new in the neighborhood, much to their delight.
His promise to take them to his favorite ice cream shop was left unfulfilled; Danny had forgotten it was a Sunday and, therefore, was closed. He took them instead to a park nearby, where the three played in all the facilities, Jacob having the most fun in the swing set. He finally obtained his chance to show them to the ice cream shop the next day, and he bought the two the largest ice cream cones, as Tom himself admitted, they had ever seen. Danny had been right all along, Tom added after they left; Jacob enjoyed himself in the establishment, receiving a free cone after getting friendly with the owner and laughing at the painted pictures of children playing on the walls.
The next day, Danny showed them the nearby lake, in which they were currently swimming, which was secluded in the woods just outside the area, but never got around to actually playing in it, for Jacob had cried and ran frantically after seeing a deer pass by. Tom permitted Danny’s second request after three days, when Jacob had calmed down enough to attempt once more.
“Thank you for the tube, Danny,” Tom said with a gratuitous smile as he playfully flicked water on his brother, who giggled and groaned in response. “Jacob can’t swim, but he likes to be in the water.”
“No problem,” reassured Danny, who disappeared under the water and emerged behind Tom the next moment, who, after being tapped on the back, wheeled around in surprise. At first, Danny had something completely different in his mind, and he was about to tell Tom until another thought struck him and pushed the former aside.
“How do you do it?”
Tom, pushing Jacob a ways off but not too far that he couldn’t be retracted easily, focused his attention to Danny, eyebrows drawn together, puzzled by the question.
“How do I do what?”
Danny swam closer until he was inches from Tom, and both waved their arms and legs under the water to stay afloat.
“How you’re able to treat Jacob like he’s the center of the world, like everything’s about him, without any complaints. I’m just curious is all, since most people don’t have that kind of… drive.”
He added the latter part after seeing Tom’s eyes narrow in deeper confusion, and he swam around the blonde as he waited for an answer.
“Because everything is all about him. It’s all about Jacob. That’s the lifestyle I’ve had to accept since he came to my life, and I embrace it without questioning why it has to be about him.”
Tom spun around and caught Jacob just in time as he drifted closer to the center of the lake, and he ran his hand through his brother’s hair, an appreciative moan leaving the boy’s lips at the touch.
“He’ll never be able to do all the things I can. He may not seem complete at first glance, but when you look deep enough, you’ll see that I’m the one that completes him. I do for him all the things he wants to do but doesn’t have the capacity to do it himself, and I do it without whining and all that negativity. Without me, who’ll be there for him? Mum’s not always going to be around, and Dad seems like he’s only got a few more years under his belt. I know that it’s my job to be there for Jacob, because without me, nobody’s going to be there for him. No one’s going to cater to him as well and as passionately as I do, and God knows he deserves that. He deserves all the love anyone could ever give him because he’s an amazing person, the most amazing person you could ever meet. He’s loving, he tries to help me whenever I found something to be hard, he cares about me, he’s always there when I need a friend, he’s always…”
Tom was crying now, his palm against Jacob’s cheek, whose fallen expression indicated his concern for his brother. Tom used his afflicted arm, which had healed well enough in the span of a week, and wiped his face, laughing wetly to himself.
“Sorry. God, I feel like a moron, all crying and… Oh, don’t cry, Jacob, there’s nothing to cry about,” Tom said, wiping with his other hand the tears that rolled down his brother’s cheeks. Danny swam beside Jacob’s tube and settled right in front of Tom, shaking his head and urging him to look.
“No, it’s alright. It’s all my fault for asking,” Danny apologized, helping to ease Tom’s feelings, who had began crying again, by reaching up a large hand to wipe his cheeks. Tom smiled appreciatively and blinked a few more tears before finally calming down, exhaling soft, shaky breaths on Danny’s hand. Danny slowly retracted his hand when he felt them and placed it on the tube, right beside Jacob’s elbow. “I’ve never realized just how much you love Jacob.”
Tom grinned and pinched Jacob’s cheeks in an attempt to lift his spirits, and it worked wonderfully, to Danny’s opinion; Jacob’s frown immediately blossomed into a smile rivaling that of his brother’s, and he let out a giddy laugh, clapping his hands together in glee.
“I love him more than anything in the world. More than myself, really. When he cries, it hurts me to listen, because I know that I could have done something about it. Even if I have to break my back in the process, it’s worth it to know that that smile on his face, that… smile, was made possible by me. And that’s enough repayment, more than what I could ever ask of him.”
Danny watched as Tom submerged his face in the water, bringing up his hands to wipe his cheeks of the tears, and he couldn’t help but smile. Tom’s love was mighty and unconditional; he didn’t feel like Jacob was a burden, he treated him like a blessing from God, and he didn’t look at his brother as a liability, he looked at him as if he were the king of the world.
“He’s lucky to have you as a brother,” Danny admitted when Tom resurfaced, and he swam around to meet the blonde face to face. They smiled at each other, Jacob laughing to himself as he splashed water all around him, creating a makeshift rain that fell on the two boys.
“I’m lucky to have him.”
Somehow, Danny expected him to say something like this, and he couldn’t help but smile even more.
It was at that moment that he felt gravitated towards Tom, not just physically, but emotionally, and that, dare he say it, he was developing feelings for him-strong feelings, and he was scared.
* * * * * *
“It can’t all be about Jacob,” said Danny as they walked down the road, just fresh from school, and Tom shook his head with a smile, swinging his bag with every step. The road was deserted, and to their right stood a procession of wooden fence posts, some with their pointed tops reduced to splintered remains.
“I thought I established the matter already,” Tom replied, now kicking a small rock as a minor distraction. Danny swayed behind the blonde and appeared on his other side, hands deep in his pockets, eyes focused ahead.
“Why can’t some of it be about you?”
Tom laughed and kicked the rock a few feet before them, and he ignored it as they passed it by.
“Because,” was Tom all could say, and Danny raised an eyebrow.
“Because why?”
Tom turned to Danny for the first time since they started walking, flashed a soft smile, and sat on one of the posts, dropping his bag close to his dangling feet.
“Why do you want it to be about me?”
Danny took the spot next to him, a triangular point the only thing between them.
“’Cause you deserve it after all you’ve done for your brother.”
Tom chuckled.
“I don’t need other forms of repayment, I’ve told you that.”
“I know. But surely you have someone that…”
Tom looked at him, brown eyes digging deep in the other’s, bold and arresting.
“What?”
“Someone that, you know, makes you feel like at least some part of the world revolves around you.”
Tom shook his head and tore his gaze away from Danny, settling it on a flock of birds flying in different patterns in the sky, their loud cries reverberating in the emptiness of the area.
“Jacob makes me feel that way.”
Danny smiled, still keeping his eyes on the blonde.
“I meant someone else.”
Tom eyed him curiously, half a smile visible on his lips, brows drawn together like all the other times he looked confused at something Danny said.
“Just what exactly are you trying to say, Danny Jones?”
Danny hadn’t noticed that his heart had been beating quickly for the last minute, and when he did, he felt his face flush, the heat of the afternoon sun uncomfortably prickling his skin.
“Well, I’m just… you know… What I’m trying to say is…”
Danny bit his bottom lip, annoyed at his brain for failing his words. Just exactly how was he going to phrase what he wanted to get across? He couldn’t grasp the right words at the moment, and Tom looking at him expectantly wasn’t helping one bit; it was only making it worse.
“Well, out with it!”
Danny’s eyes widened a bit at Tom’s abrasive comment, and he heaved a long, deep sigh of defeat, his fingers digging deeply in the wood underneath him. He had been dreading this for the longest time, feeling he wouldn’t be able to handle rejection, and the inevitable demolition of their friendship, but he figured he might as well get it over with now that the moment had arrived.
“Tom, would you like to go out with me? Not as friends but…”
Tom smiled and bit his own lip at the question, and Danny could see that his face was flushing as well. Danny felt his heart thrashing in its confines, threatening to burst out, and he could feel butterflies beginning to form in the pit of his stomach, and they weren’t the nice kind. They sort of rebounded everywhere, hitting his stomach sporadically at different intervals, and it was making the brunette severely uneasy.
“I’d love to.”
At these words, the butterflies stopped their erratic behavior and at once flourished into something like flowers mixed with honey or… something like that. He couldn’t explain the feeling, but it felt good, real good-better than he’s ever felt before, and he released his lip to reveal a broad grin.
Tom hopped off the fence and stepped before Danny, placing his hands on both of the brunette’s knees. Danny drew his brows, bemused, and he was about to ask what he had in mind when Tom pecked him on his cheek, dangerously close to his mouth. Danny felt like floating in the air at that moment, and he was quire relieved to find that the blonde was holding him back for that same reason.
“That’s for being so amazing to Jacob. But this-”
Tom leaned in once again and pressed his lips against Danny’s, softly and determinedly, who was still dumbstruck by the action before, but was now very near fainting. Tom pulled back before Danny could even calculate what had just happened, and he chuckled at the brunette’s wild expression.
“That’s for making me feel like a part of the world really did revolve around me.”
* * * * * *
“Come on, Jacob, blow the candles!” said Mrs. Fletcher happily, the camera positioned perfectly in front of Jacob, who was still laughing from the chorus of “Happy Birthday” sang by everyone. Jacob uttered one last giggle and sputtered at the candles stuck on the surface of a chocolate cake, the words “Happy 14th Birthday, Jacob” emblazoned in the center in blue frosting. When Tom noticed his attempt as futile, he discreetly blew the candles one by one, hiding behind a hand, and all clapped once the last flame had vanished.
The presents were given out the next moment, and Tom was the first to give his. Placing a kiss on Jacob’s cheek, he handed his brother a rectangular box with a blue bow at the top. Wasting no time in guessing what was inside, Jacob fumbled at once with the clasp at the side. After a few minutes, and after a little help from Tom, he finally managed to open it, and he laughed and clapped to himself at the sight of a lone blue shirt with an image of Mickey Mouse, Jacob’s favorite character of all time, in the center.
He reached his arms out as best he could to give Tom a hug, and Tom maneuvered accordingly and helped Jacob wrap his arms around him. Pulling back, it was Danny’s turn to give his present, and he placed in the boy’s hand a gift-wrapped box. Danny watched with enthusiasm as Jacob tried to rip the paper off. He didn’t have as much of a difficulty as he did with the former, and when he finally managed to open the box, he grinned broadly and giggled at the blue hat sitting in the depression, the head of a Mickey Mouse smiling up at him.
Mr. Fletcher, who had positioned the cake to the side to make room for his son’s gifts, lifted the hat and placed it on Jacob’s head, giving the boy a kiss on the temple as he groaned and laughed at the same time, clawed fingers, like always, close to his cheeks, which were turning slightly pink from all the smiling.
Danny felt Tom’s hand snake over to his under the table, and they looked at each other with the broadest smiles their mouths could muster, for hearing how delighted Jacob was struck both in such a heartwarming way, it was almost impossible not to smile. Danny interwove his fingers in the blonde’s, and the two turned back to Jacob, who had just received a small, blue pillow from his mother and a book from his father.
The whole table was covered in numerous blue objects, but none objected at the monotony of color; everyone was much too enamored with Jacob’s happiness that they couldn’t focus on anything else.
After having cake, the whole table was cleared off and everyone went on about their businesses. Jacob was whisked away to the living room, where his father had slipped on Tom’s gift as quickly as possible. Tom and Danny offered to wash the dishes, and after thanking the two, Mrs. Fletcher swept over to Jacob and caught the book sitting on the table parallel to the sofa.
The two looked over their shoulders as she read the story to her son, who was lying perfectly snug in his father’s arms, energetic hands reaching to his head to play with his new hat.
“Oh, I was so worried of what you were going to get him,” admitted Tom after turning back to the plates, and Danny shifted his gaze immediately to him, ignoring the utensils clasped in his hands.
“What, you didn’t think I’d get him a nice gift?”
“No, it’s not that! It’s just, I wanted everything to be perfect, and now that it is… What I’m trying to say is… Thank you so much, Danny, you made him real happy.”
Washing the foam off his hands in the sink, he reached up to hold Danny on the back of his neck and caught his lips with his own, the water running all the way down the brunette’s back. Danny kissed back the next second and entranced Tom in a slow dance, using their tongues as their bodies, moving against each other using Mrs. Fletcher’s soft voice as the rhythm.
“No problem,” Danny said after parting, and both went back to their dishes for some time. As the minutes ticked past, Mrs. Fletcher’s voice grew fainter and softer, and when Danny turned his head in curiosity, he saw Jacob’s sleeping form in the process of being carried by his father across the living room.
“That’s not really my gift for him,” said Tom so suddenly, Danny almost let slip the plate from his fingers in surprise.
“What do you mean?”
Tom turned to him with a smile, and he seemed like he’d been holding off telling him for quite a while now.
“See, I’m planning to take him to a local Disney convention just a ways off next week. I’ve already saved enough money to buy him things there, and I’m going to ask Dad if I could borrow his camera. He’s going to be working, and Mum’s going to be visiting aunt Maude for her eighty-fifth birthday. At first, I wanted to get us driven there, but seeing as how they’re all tied up, I’m just going to have to take the train. I reckon we’ll be fine, though, just as long as he calms himself down enough on the way. Oh, he’s going to be so excited when I tell him.”
Danny smiled at Tom’s consideration. In his mind, he could just see Jacob jumping and laughing in joy after Tom had told him he was going to meet Mickey, and in his stupor, he didn’t notice Tom snapping his hands in his face.
“Earth to Danny!” Tom said with a chuckle, and Danny shook himself from the trance, eyes glazing over Tom’s hair down to his eyes.
“That’s great. He’d love that,” said Danny, turning back to the plate he had been neglecting and washing the soap off its surface.
“I was wondering if… you could come, too.”
Danny, who had just placed the plate in the little rack, perked up at the comment, eyebrows raised slightly.
“It wouldn’t be the same without you there. I-He wouldn’t enjoy it as much.”
Danny laughed when Tom turned pink and, wiping his hands in the kitchen towel, leaned his behind against the little cabinets.
“Why not. I’ll get Mum to drive us. She hasn’t got anything planned, and she’d love to take us.”
Tom beamed at once, mouth slightly open in surprise.
“Oh, can she? That’d be fantastic! To tell you the truth, I was sort of worried about taking the train. You never know what kinds of people take it,” Tom said eagerly, wrapping his arms around Danny’s neck in exhilaration.
Danny returned the blonde’s action with his own, only twice as strong, and he lifted him up off the ground and twirled him in the air. Tom’s laughs echoed in Danny’s ears, and when he dropped the blonde back to the floor, he was presented with yet another kiss, and this one was much longer than the former, and Danny wouldn’t have had it any other way.
* * * * * *
The day of the trip finally came, and Danny made sure he looked his best before coming up to the Fletchers’ house and knocking on the door with a smile on his face.
At first, nobody answered, but he gathered himself up and knocked harder a second time, growing increasingly excited for Jacob.
Still, nobody answered, and his excitement turned at once to worry. Why wasn’t anybody answering? He didn’t bother to knock a third time, snatching, instead, the doorknob and twisting it to grant him entrance. The moment he entered through the door and settled his eyes to the sight before him, he immediately wished he hadn’t knocked in the first place.
Sitting on the sofa, back arched, elbows resting on her thighs, face buried in her hands, was Mrs. Fletcher, and her shoulders moved up and down in rhythm with her sobs, her husband sitting beside her, hands rubbing her back affectionately.
Danny stood rooted to the spot. Has something happened? If so, who did it happen to? Aunt Maude? Jacob? Tom?
Apparently just noticing his entrance, Mr. Fletcher looked at Danny with bloodshot eyes, red cheeks, and a fallen look, as if the world around him had collapsed in a second.
“What’s happened, Mr. Fletcher?” asked Danny as he moved closer, taking as little steps as he could. He didn’t answer at once, only keeping his gaze at Danny, and tears trickled down his bearded face. Danny had never seen him so helpless. Collecting himself with a deep inhale, he disentangled himself from his wife and moved over to Danny, who was still confused and scared about the mystery enshrouding the situation, and he could feel his heart sinking with every passing second.
“It’s Jacob. He’s-”
But he couldn’t finish, for he had attempted to hold back a persistent sob, and it found its way out of his throat and wrought upon the man a procession of sobs, and he couldn’t help but let them all out before continuing.
“This morning, Jacob was-Jacob got too excited after-after Tom told him he’d be seeing Mickey today and-and-and he ran out the door. Tom called after him and-called after him but he kept on running-straight into the road and-didn’t even see the car coming and-”
Danny never heard the rest.
He found himself darting up the stairs and into Tom’s room. It had taken quite an effort to get inside the room, for Tom had blocked the entrance with his drawer, as Danny later found out, but once Danny managed to push his access, he didn’t waste any time striding over to Tom, who was on his side on the corner, hugging something Danny couldn’t see from the distance, shoulders convulsing, cries echoing.
“Tom,” Danny whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder to turn him over, but the blonde shook his grip off and tightened his own around the pillow-Jacob’s blue pillow.
“Tom,” he repeated more firmly, eyes already watering at the sight of him broken on the floor, and he grabbed both shoulders this time. He heaved Tom up with all his might and pulled him into an embrace, Tom desperately pushing himself, preferring the comfort of the cold hardwood floor rather than Danny’s arms. “Tom, look at me.”
Tom shook his head and only pushed harder, cries he’d been holding back becoming louder and more desperate, shaking his head vigorously while keeping his grip on the pillow, as if letting go would take his life away with it.
“Look at me, Tom!”
After a few more attempts at liberation, Tom realized defeat, and he collapsed on Danny, face pressing itself in his chest, eyes pouring out tears in gallons.
“He’s gone, Danny! Jacob’s gone!”
They were the first things to escape Tom’s lips, and Danny could tell it pained him as they did so. Tom sobbed harder.
“It’s my fault, Danny, it’s all my fault!” Tom screamed, muffled by the fabric of Danny’s shirt, and Danny pulled him closer, shushing close to his ear.
“No, Tom, it’s not your fault! Stop saying it’s your-”
“It’s all my fault!” Tom repeated fiercely, battering Danny’s chest with his free hand with force. “I shouldn’t have told him! I shouldn’t have-I shouldn’t have told him! He was fine with the gifts, Danny, he was fine with them! But I had to ruin everything-ruin everything! It’s all my fault! He didn’t deserve to die! He had his whole life laid out for him and-he didn’t deserve to die, he was so young! What was it that he did that he was punished this way? Was it because he was disabled, was that it? Danny, everything was fine, he was happy with the way things were, he didn’t have to-he didn’t have to die! He didn’t do anything, Danny, he didn’t do anything! I gave my all for him, I gave my life for him! And for him to be taken away just like that! What did I do wrong, Danny, what did I do wrong? I just wanted him to-just wanted him to be happy! I just wanted to see him smile again, was that so wrong? My brother! Jacob! My Jacob! He didn’t deserve this, Danny, he didn’t do anything!”
Exhausted, he could go on, and he drowned out his words in his sobs, arms coming around Danny’s waist and holding him close. Danny held on as much, using the side of the bed as support as Tom poured out his heart on his chest, yelled out his curses at God for taking Jacob away so quickly.
“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Tom whispered after finding his voice, and though it had been quiet, Danny could hear the audible cracking. “I just don’t know what to do. Now that he’s gone, what else do I have to live for? All my life, he’s been there. He’s always been there, Danny, he’s always been there. And to realize that-that I can’t ever see him smile again, never hear him laugh, never hold him in my arms ever again… It’s never going to be the same anymore, Danny, nothing will ever be the same…”
With that, Tom cried softly, burying his face in Danny, hands clawing at his back, passionately but not painfully. Danny didn’t know what to do. Telling him everything would be okay never helped anyone grieving, and not telling him anything at all made him feel that he was useless. He wanted to do something, he just didn’t know what exactly it was. All he could do at the moment was to rub Tom’s back just as Mr. Fletcher did to his wife, listening to his shaky breaths painfully like a broken record.
“I miss him, Danny, I really do,” said Tom after a while, eyes as bloodshot as they could go looking up at Danny, who looked back. “Just before it happened, he was so happy, Danny, you wouldn’t believe. He smiled like there was no tomorrow-and for him, there really is no tomorrow-but still… At least he left me with a smile, then I can remember him like that. No disability, no nothing, just… Jacob. But I don’t want to let go, Danny, it hurts. I know I should, but I don’t want to accept that he’s gone. I don’t want to accept that he won’t be there next to me when I wake up every morning, looking at me with those eyes the moment I open mine. I don’t want to accept it, Danny, I love him so much…”
“Tom, I know you’re hurting, probably more than half the world had ever felt, but you’re going to have to let him go,” said Danny softly, bringing Tom up so that his face was resting on the crook of the brunette’s neck, he could feel the wetness from his cheeks and the warm breaths coming from his mouth. “It’s going to be hard-harder for you than anyone-but you’re going to have to be strong for him. He wouldn’t want to see you like this, crying at something you can’t do anything about. You said it yourself, ‘there’s nothing to cry about,’ and I’m sure that’s what he wants you to do. I know you have to let your feelings out, but you can’t keep holding on to him. You have to move on. Unless you want to live the rest of your life hurting, you’re going to have to.”
Tom watched him as he spoke, eyes overflowing with tears.
“I don’t want to hurt, Danny,” Tom admitted in a whisper, shaking his head, looking at Danny hopefully, as if he had all the answers he desperately needed.
“I know you don’t,” said Danny, kissing Tom on his wet forehead, who closed his eyes at once to hold back the tears that had begun to join the congregation, but they slipped past all the same, and Danny could feel the droplets hitting his skin.
“I just want him to know how much I love him, Danny. I don’t think I get it across enough. I know I’ve expressed it as much as possible already, but, God, I haven’t even told him I love him for years. And looking back, I missed so many opportunities, and now that I want to more than ever, I can’t.”
“But I’m sure he knows that,” assured Danny, running his hand through Tom’s damp hair with a smile.
“You think so?” Tom asked, ghost of a smile forming at the corners of his lips. Danny nodded.
“Yeah, I do. But if he doesn’t, then here’s your chance.”
Tom finally managed a smile, and Danny beamed right back at him, relieved to see him a little less broken.
“Jacob, if you can hear me, I just want you to know that through the times that I yelled at you for when I was feeling bad, the times that I reprimanded you for doing something that wasn’t even that bad in the first place, I still love you. Just know that everything I have ever done for you, I’ve done out of love, not because you were my responsibility. You were never my responsibility, you were my friend, my best friend, the best friend I could ever ask for, and I hope you know that. I love you and I will always love you. No matter what happens, Jacob, no matter what happens… It’s going to hurt for a while I know, and even if I can’t hold you in my arms every night and read you those stories you enjoy so much, I’m going to get through it. I’m going to try at least, because God knows it’s going to be so hard. I’ll get through it, we’ll get through it together…”
He fell silent, sobs threatening to burst from his mouth once again, and he did his best to stop them from breaking through. After calming down, he looked at Danny and, raising himself up, pressed his cheek against his, arms coming around the brunette’s neck.
“Do you think he heard me?”
Danny chuckled and brought his lips to meet the blonde’s softly and ardently, enveloping himself of the warmth between their skins.
“I’m sure he did.”
And in the silence, Danny could just hear outside the open window the whistling of the wind coalescing with the soft rustling of the trees nearby, reminding him of a certain laugh that struck his heart like the first time he had heard it, and, looking down at Tom wiping the tears with his palms, smile mellowing into something indescribable, it was enough to let him know that Jacob had, indeed, been listening.
Author: valquiris
Part: 1/1
Rating: PG
Pairing: Fletcher/Jones
Genre: Angst, Romance
Summary: “Because everything is all about him. It’s all about Jacob. That’s the lifestyle I’ve had to accept since he came to my life, and I embrace it without questioning why it has to be about him.”
A/N: Oh, the agony of writing this. I cried nearly every seven minutes! But I love this fic, it's one of my favorites (of those I have written). It's pretty lengthy, the longest SA I've done yet, but I couldn't break this into chapters. I was inspired by the movie "The Black Balloon," which is an amazing movie, and I hope you guys like it!
Disclaimer: I do not own McFly in any way.
Danny was getting very weary of watching the television, more because of the lack of shows to watch than the fact that he never bothered to turn the device on in the first place. Today was a Sunday, and therefore, his usual shows weren’t going to be aired until the next day.
He stared at the rectangle of inky blackness from the sofa, head propped up against the armrest, arms interlaced over his stomach. He really should have been doing something with his time rather than wasting it on the menial activity he undertook, but he couldn’t bring himself to think of anything at the moment.
Sure, he could always go outside and hang out with some friends; that was always an option. As far as he knew, they had nothing planned as well, but he didn’t want to submit himself to the same old routine he always did during the weekends. He wanted to do something out of the norm, and what better way to do that than to gape at an empty television screen.
After a few uneventful minutes, he shifted his gaze out the window next to the set, and he could just see, for the hedge outside was blocking half of his view, a few children playing tag or some game that required a lot of running. The usual miscreants ran past the hedge, three or four chasing their friend, who seemed unfamiliar, and Danny sat up immediately, curious.
There was something about the way the boy in the front ran that was noticeably different from his peers; he had his arms halfway raised in the air, fingers curled up close to his face, head craned a bit to the left, shoulders elevated so that his neck seemed nonexistent, legs slightly pointed inward much like a pigeon, making his steps erratic. Was this a new game, thought Danny as he stood up, the children invented as a remedy for Sunday afternoon boredom? If so, it didn’t seem like it was a very nice game to play, for when the leader wheeled back around past the hedge once again, Danny could see an expression of fear etched on his face, and at once, he knew what was wrong.
It wasn’t a game; it was a chase. And the one being chased wasn’t playing the game-he was the game.
Danny didn’t waste any time running out the door and rounding on the children when he barred their path with his arms outstretched to either side of him, eyes striking.
“Hold it!” he ordered, but the first boy ran past him all the same, making incoherent noises with every step. The rest stopped, their amused looks gone in a flash, eyes glazing over the elder with confusion and disbelief.
“Just what-” Danny began, but he faltered at once when he felt something grabbing the back of his shirt. Turning his head to look over his shoulder, his eyes widened when he saw the boy, crouching low and watching the others warily, fear perpetually imprinted in his eyes, his free hand still curled up and clawing softly the corner of his mouth. Danny turned back to the children, dropping one arm and raising the other to point at them with an angry finger, and glowered. “Just what do you think you’re doing to him?”
A scrawny brunette, the tallest of the little group, with an angular face marked by masses of freckles rivaling those on Danny’s body stepped out from the back, emanating an air of resilience.
“What’s it to you?” he asked Danny coldly, crossing his arms over his chest and tossing his head importantly to the side, a sneer crinkling his nose. “We’re just having fun, playing a game with the freak, but that’s not really any of your business, is it?”
Danny stooped low to level his gaze with him, eyes narrowed in annoyance.
“Mind your attitude or I’ll knock your teeth in,” threatened Danny with the most serious face he could make. But the boy stood his ground, puffing out his chest like a king, dropping his arms, poised and ready for a fight.
“I’d like to see you try,” he retorted. Danny laughed in disbelief and rose to his full height, lightly shaking his head.
“If I see you, or any of you-” he glared over to the rest, who shrank behind the cheeky boy “-chasing him again, I will. And trust me, it will hurt.”
“You’ll get yours, just you wait,” the boy said, throwing Danny the middle finger, and he ushered his followers back to the other side of the road. Danny made a mocking face and turned back to the crouching blonde, kneeling in order to get a better look.
His eyes looked back just for a second, and Danny managed a warm smile.
“Are you alright?” the brunette asked, but the boy didn’t answer. He only breathed heavily, making soft sounds in between moaning and groaning, shaking his head with his hands clasped around his ears, rocking back and forth like a cradle. Danny looked at him in sympathy; how could children be so mean to one such as him? Don’t they know better?
Danny tried to catch his eyes, but they kept averting whenever he succeeded.
“Your parents must be worried. Where do you live?” he asked, and the boy shook and nodded his head at the same time. Danny wasn’t sure what this meant, and he was about to ask again when he heard something behind him.
“Jacob? Jacob, where are you?”
Danny turned his head to the sound and found a boy, about the same age as him by his looks, golden hair waving in the air and bouncing as he walked, looking around the area, nails restlessly scratching his forearm, worry evident in his face. He seemed oddly familiar, and when Danny went back to the boy, who was now sitting on the grass twirling a flower and laughing to himself, he discovered why. They had the same shade of blonde, though the older one’s was much longer, and even from a distance, he could make out similarities between their features.
Danny stood up and waved an arm to catch his attention. The blonde saw him immediately and, eyes widening, ran quickly over to them.
“Oh, Jacob, how many times do we have to tell you not to run away!” he said exasperatedly as he came upon them, kneeling beside the boy named Jacob and cupping his face to focus his attention. “Do you understand me? Don’t go running off again!” He said the latter part slowly, eyes intent on Jacob’s, who nodded his comprehension as best he could, letting the flower slip from his fingers. Heaving a sigh of relief, the elder enveloped him in an embrace, kissing his temple softly as he cooed and giggled.
Danny was watching the affectionate scene with a smile, and he folded his arms as he turned to leave, not intending to ruin it. He was quite relieved to find him in such a loving care. Now he wouldn’t have to worry.
“Wait!” said the other boy, and Danny spun around to see him standing up, Jacob’s hand firmly clasped in his. “Thank you for finding my brother. We’ve just moved and he’s… ill.” Danny nodded and smiled.
“Oh, it’s nothing. I just saw he needed some help,” Danny said, moving closer to the brothers. “People can be so apathetic these days.”
“I’m glad you’re different, then,” he said with a soft laugh, extending his free hand. “I’m Tom by the way.” Danny received the hand with his own and shook it.
“Danny.”
With that, he let go and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Tom smiled and tugged Jacob back, who had just bent down to retrieve his fallen flower.
“Don’t touch that. It’s dirty,” he whispered, turning to Jacob with a smile, whose eyes had begun to water. “Come on, Mum’s worried.” Giving Danny one last show of gratitude, he led Jacob to their house, and Danny stood on the spot, rocking himself on the balls of his feet. Well that was certainly something new, he thought with a smile as he turned the other way to go back home, but he stopped at once when he heard Tom calling his name.
“Would you like to come over?” Tom asked, eyes hopeful, as Jacob yanked his arm repeatedly. “Stop it! Mum’s just made lunch, and she’d love to meet you.”
“Sure,” Danny considered without any thought, and he ambled his way over on Jacob’s other side, who giggled happily, his free hand tapping the back of Danny’s. Tom noticed this, and he shot Danny an apologetic look.
“Oh, he wants you to hold his hand. He does that when he meets someone he likes.”
Danny chuckled lightly and caught hold of the persistent hand. A bit cold, but Danny thought the warmth of his hand would neutralize it. Jacob jumped in glee and began to run, still attached to the others’ hands, and they lengthened their strides to keep up.
Pushing through the door, Tom allowed Jacob to speed inside, and he immediately jumped on the sofa in semi-squat, clawed fingers raised close to his face much like earlier. Tom permitted Danny entrance before him, and he closed the door the moment he himself stepped inside.
“Mum, we’re back!” Tom yelled, echoing faintly around the house, and before he could repeat himself when no answer came, a tall woman with shoulder-length blonde hair appeared from the kitchen, wiping her hands in her pink apron.
“Oh, good,” she said, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. She stopped in front of Danny, who was a few inches shorter than her, and shot Tom with a look. Tom perked up at once and chuckled.
“Oh, this is Danny, Mum. He found Jacob earlier.”
Danny extended a hand and caught the woman’s, muttering “nice to meet you” with a nod. When they parted, she stepped back and sighed.
“Thank you, Danny. Tom, go get your brother ready to eat,” she said, and Tom complied at once, darting over to Jacob, who was keeping himself busy with a pair of slippers. Tom accompanied him up the stairs and both disappeared after reaching the landing. She turned to Danny and smiled, who tore his gaze from the staircase and settled it on her.
“Erm, why don’t you go make yourself comfortable in the dining room until they come back.”
Danny nodded as she excused herself back to the kitchen, and he searched the house for the dining room. Locating it on the far end, he made his way there, taking note of the curious little trinkets and pictures that hung from the walls on the way.
Most of them contained Jacob in one way or another, some with his parents and Tom, some with just Tom, and some with either parent. The rest were Tom as a child, playing a different game in all of them. The gaps between the frames either held dreamcatchers of varying sizes and colors, or links of flowers, some large enough to accommodate three necks at once while some just enough to encircle a wrist.
Disentangling his gaze, he came upon the dining room and sat down on one of the chairs, positioning his hands on top of each other on the tabletop as he waited.
A few minutes later, Danny saw Jacob appear from the corner donning a new shirt, a blue bib draped around his neck, and Tom emerged behind him shortly afterward, hands on the boy’s shoulders to keep him steady. Danny watched as Tom ushered him off to his established seat, which was the seat next to the one right across Danny, and Tom occupied that space once he made sure his brother was completely ensconced.
They were silent for a while, the only sound provided the clattering of utensils against each other issuing from the kitchen and Jacob’s low moaning, and Tom resorted to fiddling with his brother’s bib while they waited.
Danny stared in wonder at how Tom treated his brother with utmost care; how he looked at the brink of fainting when he discovered his whereabouts; how he made possible all the details that came with his brother selflessly; how he didn’t complain. Danny felt there had been a severe lack of people like him in the world, and it was refreshing to know there were still some roaming around.
Tom caught Danny’s eyes and smiled, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.
“What is it? Something on my face?”
Danny laughed and shook his head, but before he could answer back, their mother turned up in the middle of the room, a plate of something Danny couldn’t make out in the distance held tightly in her hands. Tom shot up at once, helped his mother with her burden, and set the plate in the center of the table as she sauntered back to the kitchen.
Danny didn’t even have to look at the platter to know what it was; just judging by its smell, he knew it to be pot roast. Sure enough, it was, and he grinned when Jacob clapped giddily at the sight of it. Pot roast for lunch? Danny found this odd, for usually, these kinds of food were served for dinner, but he didn’t make a declaration about it. It was how their family worked, and who was he to question it?
After a few more trips, their mother finally sat herself down beside Jacob, and Danny was presented with a boatload of foodstuff, all of them, like the pot roast, generally destined of being served at dinnertime. He pushed the thought aside, however, and joined in once the rest piled their plates.
The meal went on like a dream; Tom was extremely loquacious, telling Danny with fervor about their previous home while his mother filled in anything he missed, and about Jacob and what he liked and didn’t like. All the while, Danny listened intently, laughing at the more amusing parts and beaming whenever Jacob would blush and scratch his head in embarrassment.
Halfway through, however, something triggered hostility in Jacob, and nobody was prepared for its blow.
He had been previously attempting to cut his roast into smaller pieces with his forks, and he was doing well considering his inability to steady his hands for a few seconds at a time. He managed to cut the piece in half, grinning proudly at Danny, who smiled back, but when he tried to pursue his achievement, the pieces refused separation, and it was then that Danny realized something was wrong.
Jacob shrieked and threw a fork on the table, missing a surprised-looking Danny’s hand by mere inches, growling in anger and sticking the other in every inch of the roast. He shook angrily, now wailing as Tom tried to subdue him by wrapping him in his arms, but he fought back, and he bit Tom’s arm with force, groans muffled by the action. Tom, who at first tried to hold it back, yelled out in pain, and he tried to loosen Jacob’s hold on his skin by pushing his head back. But all it did was exacerbate the situation, and their mother joined in the fray, grabbing her son’s convulsing shoulders to pull him away while she whispered words of comfort.
Finally, when Danny shot up from his seat to help, Jacob relented and fell on the floor, curling up in a ball and sobbing loud cries. His mother quickly fell to her knees to console him, pulling him into a tight hug and shushing him, and Danny darted over to Tom, whose arm was profusely bleeding.
Danny led him to the kitchen sink, applying pressure on the wound along the way. Together, they washed the blood away, revealing several fresh cuts in a circular formation. It took them a few minutes to finally stop the bleeding, and Tom wrapped a kitchen towel on the affliction at once.
“Do you need to see the doctor?” asked Danny worriedly, tying the ends of the cloth together when Tom found himself incapable of doing so. The blonde shook his head, and he ran his fingers along the covered length of his arm, smiling a personal smile despite the situation. From somewhere far off, Danny could still hear Jacob crying, almost drowning out his mother’s words of encouragement.
“I’m sorry about him,” Tom said suddenly, and Danny’s eyes snapped to him. “He’s not usually like that. Moving was hard for all of us, but he was affected the most. You see, he had to leave his friends behind and he doesn’t know how to start all over again. I guess he got all excited when he met you, and he wanted to show you that he was just like the rest of us, that he was normal. But whenever he gets excited, he seems more prone to tantrums, and that’s exactly what happened.”
An invisible claw wrenched Danny’s heart as he listened, and he turned his head to look over to the living room, on which Jacob was nodding furiously at what his mother had just told him. So Jacob only wanted a friend, he thought as he caught the boy’s eyes for a second, and those children didn’t help one bit. He felt the need to say something, and he didn’t hesitate to do so.
“I’ll be his friend,” said Danny, and Tom lifted his gaze from his arm to meet the brunette’s, a smile beginning to form.
“You mean that?”
“Yeah, I do,” Danny replied sincerely, and Tom looked like he wanted to hug him at that moment, but he didn’t do anything. Instead, they made their way to Jacob and their mother, who had the boy in a warm embrace, singing softly in his ear.
She noticed them at once and managed a teary smile, disentangling herself from her son, who clutched at the front of her shirt instinctively. She whispered something to make him release her, and she swept over to the two once he let go.
“Go tell him you’re sorry for yelling, he’s distraught,” she said firmly, holding back a sob, and strode over to the dining room to clean up.
Tom nodded a second later, more to himself than to his mother, and walked over to his brother, readying a smile. Danny followed immediately and both squatted before Jacob, who was rocking himself, fingers clawing the air close to his ears, emitting low groans that came and went with each breath.
Tom placed a hand on Jacob’s knee, who recoiled at first at the sudden contact, but he didn’t make a move to push it away.
“Jacob, I’m sorry,” Tom apologized, resting his afflicted arm on his own knee. “I shouldn’t have yelled-it’s all my fault.”
Danny watched him with subtle curiosity. He was the one that was severely damaged, and yet he was the one that was apologizing. But Danny couldn’t blame him; his brother needed consoling after such an event, and he would do it to his own, should he ever acquire one.
Jacob gave a high-pitched squeal and pointed at Tom’s covered arm, head shaking and eyes blinking uncoordinatedly. Tom looked at what he was indicating and shook his head, smile never leaving his lips.
“No, I’m fine. It’s not your fault, Jacob, please don’t make it seem like it is. Now give me a hug and everything will be better, yeah?”
Tom stood up and sat beside his brother, wrapping both arms around the boy’s neck, pressing his head on his chest. He kissed the top of his head when he felt his arms come up behind him, shaking and clawing at his shirt that was his own display of affection.
They parted after a while and both looked at Danny, who was getting teary-eyed at the moment, Tom keeping his arm around the other’s shoulder. Danny beamed brightly at Jacob and reached a hand to ruffle his hair, making his squirm a bit, laughing in glee under his touch.
“Hey there, little fella,” grinned Danny, who retracted his hand and placed it on his knee. “Feeling better?”
Jacob nodded haphazardly, remnants of giggles echoing around the house and filling Danny’s ears, and Tom laughed along with him, pulling him closer.
“Oh, Jacob, you’re all drenched in sweat!” remarked Tom suddenly, who at once wiped the glistening wetness clinging to the boy’s forehead with the side of his fist. “Mum! Jacob needs a bath!”
Their mother, who apparently had just finished with the dishes, came over to them hastily. He coaxed Jacob to his feet and, once accomplished, led him up the stairs as quickly as she could.
Danny eyed Tom in confusion, who turned to him the moment Jacob disappeared from his view.
“You’re wondering why we freaked out just now,” he said with a smile when Danny opened his mouth to ask the exact same thing, and he closed it the next moment. Tom patted the area next to him, his brown eyes focused on the cloth around his arm, and Danny occupied it in a second. “His illness didn’t just target his brain, it targeted his immune system too, according to the doctor. While he can fight off the less serious conditions, like allergies and the common cold, his immune system doesn’t fully neutralize them, and if left untreated, they’ll develop to something like pneumonia or the like. That’s why we can’t take our chances, and that it’s best to prevent the sickness from happening in the first place rather than to try to cure it when it actually occurs. That’s also the reason why he can’t eat after seven. I can’t explain why, but it’s not good for his system and should be avoided at all costs.”
Then they were silent, Jacob’s laughs from upstairs vibrating in their ears, and from the corners of his eyes, Danny looked at Tom’s arm, whose cover had garnered a bit of redness.
“You look like you need some fresh air,” Danny recommended, and Tom brought his eyes to him. “If you’re up to it, I can show you around.”
Tom smiled and craned his head to the ceiling, and Danny noticed the next second that the running water had stopped.
“Do you mind if-” Tom began, but Danny knew the rest before it even left his lips.
“Yeah, of course! I’ll take you to my favorite ice cream shop, he’d love it there.”
Tom smiled wider and shrugged his acceptance, uttering the word “alright” under his breath.
* * * * *
“Jacob, you’re going too far!” Tom declared as he swam after his brother’s swimming tube, which had just traveled a few feet behind them. Danny laughed and watched as Tom dragged his brother back to his original place, who splashed his hands and feet in the water in delight, sending showers of it on Tom’s face.
It had been a week since Danny first met the Fletcher brothers, and each subsequent day, he showed them somewhere new in the neighborhood, much to their delight.
His promise to take them to his favorite ice cream shop was left unfulfilled; Danny had forgotten it was a Sunday and, therefore, was closed. He took them instead to a park nearby, where the three played in all the facilities, Jacob having the most fun in the swing set. He finally obtained his chance to show them to the ice cream shop the next day, and he bought the two the largest ice cream cones, as Tom himself admitted, they had ever seen. Danny had been right all along, Tom added after they left; Jacob enjoyed himself in the establishment, receiving a free cone after getting friendly with the owner and laughing at the painted pictures of children playing on the walls.
The next day, Danny showed them the nearby lake, in which they were currently swimming, which was secluded in the woods just outside the area, but never got around to actually playing in it, for Jacob had cried and ran frantically after seeing a deer pass by. Tom permitted Danny’s second request after three days, when Jacob had calmed down enough to attempt once more.
“Thank you for the tube, Danny,” Tom said with a gratuitous smile as he playfully flicked water on his brother, who giggled and groaned in response. “Jacob can’t swim, but he likes to be in the water.”
“No problem,” reassured Danny, who disappeared under the water and emerged behind Tom the next moment, who, after being tapped on the back, wheeled around in surprise. At first, Danny had something completely different in his mind, and he was about to tell Tom until another thought struck him and pushed the former aside.
“How do you do it?”
Tom, pushing Jacob a ways off but not too far that he couldn’t be retracted easily, focused his attention to Danny, eyebrows drawn together, puzzled by the question.
“How do I do what?”
Danny swam closer until he was inches from Tom, and both waved their arms and legs under the water to stay afloat.
“How you’re able to treat Jacob like he’s the center of the world, like everything’s about him, without any complaints. I’m just curious is all, since most people don’t have that kind of… drive.”
He added the latter part after seeing Tom’s eyes narrow in deeper confusion, and he swam around the blonde as he waited for an answer.
“Because everything is all about him. It’s all about Jacob. That’s the lifestyle I’ve had to accept since he came to my life, and I embrace it without questioning why it has to be about him.”
Tom spun around and caught Jacob just in time as he drifted closer to the center of the lake, and he ran his hand through his brother’s hair, an appreciative moan leaving the boy’s lips at the touch.
“He’ll never be able to do all the things I can. He may not seem complete at first glance, but when you look deep enough, you’ll see that I’m the one that completes him. I do for him all the things he wants to do but doesn’t have the capacity to do it himself, and I do it without whining and all that negativity. Without me, who’ll be there for him? Mum’s not always going to be around, and Dad seems like he’s only got a few more years under his belt. I know that it’s my job to be there for Jacob, because without me, nobody’s going to be there for him. No one’s going to cater to him as well and as passionately as I do, and God knows he deserves that. He deserves all the love anyone could ever give him because he’s an amazing person, the most amazing person you could ever meet. He’s loving, he tries to help me whenever I found something to be hard, he cares about me, he’s always there when I need a friend, he’s always…”
Tom was crying now, his palm against Jacob’s cheek, whose fallen expression indicated his concern for his brother. Tom used his afflicted arm, which had healed well enough in the span of a week, and wiped his face, laughing wetly to himself.
“Sorry. God, I feel like a moron, all crying and… Oh, don’t cry, Jacob, there’s nothing to cry about,” Tom said, wiping with his other hand the tears that rolled down his brother’s cheeks. Danny swam beside Jacob’s tube and settled right in front of Tom, shaking his head and urging him to look.
“No, it’s alright. It’s all my fault for asking,” Danny apologized, helping to ease Tom’s feelings, who had began crying again, by reaching up a large hand to wipe his cheeks. Tom smiled appreciatively and blinked a few more tears before finally calming down, exhaling soft, shaky breaths on Danny’s hand. Danny slowly retracted his hand when he felt them and placed it on the tube, right beside Jacob’s elbow. “I’ve never realized just how much you love Jacob.”
Tom grinned and pinched Jacob’s cheeks in an attempt to lift his spirits, and it worked wonderfully, to Danny’s opinion; Jacob’s frown immediately blossomed into a smile rivaling that of his brother’s, and he let out a giddy laugh, clapping his hands together in glee.
“I love him more than anything in the world. More than myself, really. When he cries, it hurts me to listen, because I know that I could have done something about it. Even if I have to break my back in the process, it’s worth it to know that that smile on his face, that… smile, was made possible by me. And that’s enough repayment, more than what I could ever ask of him.”
Danny watched as Tom submerged his face in the water, bringing up his hands to wipe his cheeks of the tears, and he couldn’t help but smile. Tom’s love was mighty and unconditional; he didn’t feel like Jacob was a burden, he treated him like a blessing from God, and he didn’t look at his brother as a liability, he looked at him as if he were the king of the world.
“He’s lucky to have you as a brother,” Danny admitted when Tom resurfaced, and he swam around to meet the blonde face to face. They smiled at each other, Jacob laughing to himself as he splashed water all around him, creating a makeshift rain that fell on the two boys.
“I’m lucky to have him.”
Somehow, Danny expected him to say something like this, and he couldn’t help but smile even more.
It was at that moment that he felt gravitated towards Tom, not just physically, but emotionally, and that, dare he say it, he was developing feelings for him-strong feelings, and he was scared.
* * * * * *
“It can’t all be about Jacob,” said Danny as they walked down the road, just fresh from school, and Tom shook his head with a smile, swinging his bag with every step. The road was deserted, and to their right stood a procession of wooden fence posts, some with their pointed tops reduced to splintered remains.
“I thought I established the matter already,” Tom replied, now kicking a small rock as a minor distraction. Danny swayed behind the blonde and appeared on his other side, hands deep in his pockets, eyes focused ahead.
“Why can’t some of it be about you?”
Tom laughed and kicked the rock a few feet before them, and he ignored it as they passed it by.
“Because,” was Tom all could say, and Danny raised an eyebrow.
“Because why?”
Tom turned to Danny for the first time since they started walking, flashed a soft smile, and sat on one of the posts, dropping his bag close to his dangling feet.
“Why do you want it to be about me?”
Danny took the spot next to him, a triangular point the only thing between them.
“’Cause you deserve it after all you’ve done for your brother.”
Tom chuckled.
“I don’t need other forms of repayment, I’ve told you that.”
“I know. But surely you have someone that…”
Tom looked at him, brown eyes digging deep in the other’s, bold and arresting.
“What?”
“Someone that, you know, makes you feel like at least some part of the world revolves around you.”
Tom shook his head and tore his gaze away from Danny, settling it on a flock of birds flying in different patterns in the sky, their loud cries reverberating in the emptiness of the area.
“Jacob makes me feel that way.”
Danny smiled, still keeping his eyes on the blonde.
“I meant someone else.”
Tom eyed him curiously, half a smile visible on his lips, brows drawn together like all the other times he looked confused at something Danny said.
“Just what exactly are you trying to say, Danny Jones?”
Danny hadn’t noticed that his heart had been beating quickly for the last minute, and when he did, he felt his face flush, the heat of the afternoon sun uncomfortably prickling his skin.
“Well, I’m just… you know… What I’m trying to say is…”
Danny bit his bottom lip, annoyed at his brain for failing his words. Just exactly how was he going to phrase what he wanted to get across? He couldn’t grasp the right words at the moment, and Tom looking at him expectantly wasn’t helping one bit; it was only making it worse.
“Well, out with it!”
Danny’s eyes widened a bit at Tom’s abrasive comment, and he heaved a long, deep sigh of defeat, his fingers digging deeply in the wood underneath him. He had been dreading this for the longest time, feeling he wouldn’t be able to handle rejection, and the inevitable demolition of their friendship, but he figured he might as well get it over with now that the moment had arrived.
“Tom, would you like to go out with me? Not as friends but…”
Tom smiled and bit his own lip at the question, and Danny could see that his face was flushing as well. Danny felt his heart thrashing in its confines, threatening to burst out, and he could feel butterflies beginning to form in the pit of his stomach, and they weren’t the nice kind. They sort of rebounded everywhere, hitting his stomach sporadically at different intervals, and it was making the brunette severely uneasy.
“I’d love to.”
At these words, the butterflies stopped their erratic behavior and at once flourished into something like flowers mixed with honey or… something like that. He couldn’t explain the feeling, but it felt good, real good-better than he’s ever felt before, and he released his lip to reveal a broad grin.
Tom hopped off the fence and stepped before Danny, placing his hands on both of the brunette’s knees. Danny drew his brows, bemused, and he was about to ask what he had in mind when Tom pecked him on his cheek, dangerously close to his mouth. Danny felt like floating in the air at that moment, and he was quire relieved to find that the blonde was holding him back for that same reason.
“That’s for being so amazing to Jacob. But this-”
Tom leaned in once again and pressed his lips against Danny’s, softly and determinedly, who was still dumbstruck by the action before, but was now very near fainting. Tom pulled back before Danny could even calculate what had just happened, and he chuckled at the brunette’s wild expression.
“That’s for making me feel like a part of the world really did revolve around me.”
* * * * * *
“Come on, Jacob, blow the candles!” said Mrs. Fletcher happily, the camera positioned perfectly in front of Jacob, who was still laughing from the chorus of “Happy Birthday” sang by everyone. Jacob uttered one last giggle and sputtered at the candles stuck on the surface of a chocolate cake, the words “Happy 14th Birthday, Jacob” emblazoned in the center in blue frosting. When Tom noticed his attempt as futile, he discreetly blew the candles one by one, hiding behind a hand, and all clapped once the last flame had vanished.
The presents were given out the next moment, and Tom was the first to give his. Placing a kiss on Jacob’s cheek, he handed his brother a rectangular box with a blue bow at the top. Wasting no time in guessing what was inside, Jacob fumbled at once with the clasp at the side. After a few minutes, and after a little help from Tom, he finally managed to open it, and he laughed and clapped to himself at the sight of a lone blue shirt with an image of Mickey Mouse, Jacob’s favorite character of all time, in the center.
He reached his arms out as best he could to give Tom a hug, and Tom maneuvered accordingly and helped Jacob wrap his arms around him. Pulling back, it was Danny’s turn to give his present, and he placed in the boy’s hand a gift-wrapped box. Danny watched with enthusiasm as Jacob tried to rip the paper off. He didn’t have as much of a difficulty as he did with the former, and when he finally managed to open the box, he grinned broadly and giggled at the blue hat sitting in the depression, the head of a Mickey Mouse smiling up at him.
Mr. Fletcher, who had positioned the cake to the side to make room for his son’s gifts, lifted the hat and placed it on Jacob’s head, giving the boy a kiss on the temple as he groaned and laughed at the same time, clawed fingers, like always, close to his cheeks, which were turning slightly pink from all the smiling.
Danny felt Tom’s hand snake over to his under the table, and they looked at each other with the broadest smiles their mouths could muster, for hearing how delighted Jacob was struck both in such a heartwarming way, it was almost impossible not to smile. Danny interwove his fingers in the blonde’s, and the two turned back to Jacob, who had just received a small, blue pillow from his mother and a book from his father.
The whole table was covered in numerous blue objects, but none objected at the monotony of color; everyone was much too enamored with Jacob’s happiness that they couldn’t focus on anything else.
After having cake, the whole table was cleared off and everyone went on about their businesses. Jacob was whisked away to the living room, where his father had slipped on Tom’s gift as quickly as possible. Tom and Danny offered to wash the dishes, and after thanking the two, Mrs. Fletcher swept over to Jacob and caught the book sitting on the table parallel to the sofa.
The two looked over their shoulders as she read the story to her son, who was lying perfectly snug in his father’s arms, energetic hands reaching to his head to play with his new hat.
“Oh, I was so worried of what you were going to get him,” admitted Tom after turning back to the plates, and Danny shifted his gaze immediately to him, ignoring the utensils clasped in his hands.
“What, you didn’t think I’d get him a nice gift?”
“No, it’s not that! It’s just, I wanted everything to be perfect, and now that it is… What I’m trying to say is… Thank you so much, Danny, you made him real happy.”
Washing the foam off his hands in the sink, he reached up to hold Danny on the back of his neck and caught his lips with his own, the water running all the way down the brunette’s back. Danny kissed back the next second and entranced Tom in a slow dance, using their tongues as their bodies, moving against each other using Mrs. Fletcher’s soft voice as the rhythm.
“No problem,” Danny said after parting, and both went back to their dishes for some time. As the minutes ticked past, Mrs. Fletcher’s voice grew fainter and softer, and when Danny turned his head in curiosity, he saw Jacob’s sleeping form in the process of being carried by his father across the living room.
“That’s not really my gift for him,” said Tom so suddenly, Danny almost let slip the plate from his fingers in surprise.
“What do you mean?”
Tom turned to him with a smile, and he seemed like he’d been holding off telling him for quite a while now.
“See, I’m planning to take him to a local Disney convention just a ways off next week. I’ve already saved enough money to buy him things there, and I’m going to ask Dad if I could borrow his camera. He’s going to be working, and Mum’s going to be visiting aunt Maude for her eighty-fifth birthday. At first, I wanted to get us driven there, but seeing as how they’re all tied up, I’m just going to have to take the train. I reckon we’ll be fine, though, just as long as he calms himself down enough on the way. Oh, he’s going to be so excited when I tell him.”
Danny smiled at Tom’s consideration. In his mind, he could just see Jacob jumping and laughing in joy after Tom had told him he was going to meet Mickey, and in his stupor, he didn’t notice Tom snapping his hands in his face.
“Earth to Danny!” Tom said with a chuckle, and Danny shook himself from the trance, eyes glazing over Tom’s hair down to his eyes.
“That’s great. He’d love that,” said Danny, turning back to the plate he had been neglecting and washing the soap off its surface.
“I was wondering if… you could come, too.”
Danny, who had just placed the plate in the little rack, perked up at the comment, eyebrows raised slightly.
“It wouldn’t be the same without you there. I-He wouldn’t enjoy it as much.”
Danny laughed when Tom turned pink and, wiping his hands in the kitchen towel, leaned his behind against the little cabinets.
“Why not. I’ll get Mum to drive us. She hasn’t got anything planned, and she’d love to take us.”
Tom beamed at once, mouth slightly open in surprise.
“Oh, can she? That’d be fantastic! To tell you the truth, I was sort of worried about taking the train. You never know what kinds of people take it,” Tom said eagerly, wrapping his arms around Danny’s neck in exhilaration.
Danny returned the blonde’s action with his own, only twice as strong, and he lifted him up off the ground and twirled him in the air. Tom’s laughs echoed in Danny’s ears, and when he dropped the blonde back to the floor, he was presented with yet another kiss, and this one was much longer than the former, and Danny wouldn’t have had it any other way.
* * * * * *
The day of the trip finally came, and Danny made sure he looked his best before coming up to the Fletchers’ house and knocking on the door with a smile on his face.
At first, nobody answered, but he gathered himself up and knocked harder a second time, growing increasingly excited for Jacob.
Still, nobody answered, and his excitement turned at once to worry. Why wasn’t anybody answering? He didn’t bother to knock a third time, snatching, instead, the doorknob and twisting it to grant him entrance. The moment he entered through the door and settled his eyes to the sight before him, he immediately wished he hadn’t knocked in the first place.
Sitting on the sofa, back arched, elbows resting on her thighs, face buried in her hands, was Mrs. Fletcher, and her shoulders moved up and down in rhythm with her sobs, her husband sitting beside her, hands rubbing her back affectionately.
Danny stood rooted to the spot. Has something happened? If so, who did it happen to? Aunt Maude? Jacob? Tom?
Apparently just noticing his entrance, Mr. Fletcher looked at Danny with bloodshot eyes, red cheeks, and a fallen look, as if the world around him had collapsed in a second.
“What’s happened, Mr. Fletcher?” asked Danny as he moved closer, taking as little steps as he could. He didn’t answer at once, only keeping his gaze at Danny, and tears trickled down his bearded face. Danny had never seen him so helpless. Collecting himself with a deep inhale, he disentangled himself from his wife and moved over to Danny, who was still confused and scared about the mystery enshrouding the situation, and he could feel his heart sinking with every passing second.
“It’s Jacob. He’s-”
But he couldn’t finish, for he had attempted to hold back a persistent sob, and it found its way out of his throat and wrought upon the man a procession of sobs, and he couldn’t help but let them all out before continuing.
“This morning, Jacob was-Jacob got too excited after-after Tom told him he’d be seeing Mickey today and-and-and he ran out the door. Tom called after him and-called after him but he kept on running-straight into the road and-didn’t even see the car coming and-”
Danny never heard the rest.
He found himself darting up the stairs and into Tom’s room. It had taken quite an effort to get inside the room, for Tom had blocked the entrance with his drawer, as Danny later found out, but once Danny managed to push his access, he didn’t waste any time striding over to Tom, who was on his side on the corner, hugging something Danny couldn’t see from the distance, shoulders convulsing, cries echoing.
“Tom,” Danny whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder to turn him over, but the blonde shook his grip off and tightened his own around the pillow-Jacob’s blue pillow.
“Tom,” he repeated more firmly, eyes already watering at the sight of him broken on the floor, and he grabbed both shoulders this time. He heaved Tom up with all his might and pulled him into an embrace, Tom desperately pushing himself, preferring the comfort of the cold hardwood floor rather than Danny’s arms. “Tom, look at me.”
Tom shook his head and only pushed harder, cries he’d been holding back becoming louder and more desperate, shaking his head vigorously while keeping his grip on the pillow, as if letting go would take his life away with it.
“Look at me, Tom!”
After a few more attempts at liberation, Tom realized defeat, and he collapsed on Danny, face pressing itself in his chest, eyes pouring out tears in gallons.
“He’s gone, Danny! Jacob’s gone!”
They were the first things to escape Tom’s lips, and Danny could tell it pained him as they did so. Tom sobbed harder.
“It’s my fault, Danny, it’s all my fault!” Tom screamed, muffled by the fabric of Danny’s shirt, and Danny pulled him closer, shushing close to his ear.
“No, Tom, it’s not your fault! Stop saying it’s your-”
“It’s all my fault!” Tom repeated fiercely, battering Danny’s chest with his free hand with force. “I shouldn’t have told him! I shouldn’t have-I shouldn’t have told him! He was fine with the gifts, Danny, he was fine with them! But I had to ruin everything-ruin everything! It’s all my fault! He didn’t deserve to die! He had his whole life laid out for him and-he didn’t deserve to die, he was so young! What was it that he did that he was punished this way? Was it because he was disabled, was that it? Danny, everything was fine, he was happy with the way things were, he didn’t have to-he didn’t have to die! He didn’t do anything, Danny, he didn’t do anything! I gave my all for him, I gave my life for him! And for him to be taken away just like that! What did I do wrong, Danny, what did I do wrong? I just wanted him to-just wanted him to be happy! I just wanted to see him smile again, was that so wrong? My brother! Jacob! My Jacob! He didn’t deserve this, Danny, he didn’t do anything!”
Exhausted, he could go on, and he drowned out his words in his sobs, arms coming around Danny’s waist and holding him close. Danny held on as much, using the side of the bed as support as Tom poured out his heart on his chest, yelled out his curses at God for taking Jacob away so quickly.
“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Tom whispered after finding his voice, and though it had been quiet, Danny could hear the audible cracking. “I just don’t know what to do. Now that he’s gone, what else do I have to live for? All my life, he’s been there. He’s always been there, Danny, he’s always been there. And to realize that-that I can’t ever see him smile again, never hear him laugh, never hold him in my arms ever again… It’s never going to be the same anymore, Danny, nothing will ever be the same…”
With that, Tom cried softly, burying his face in Danny, hands clawing at his back, passionately but not painfully. Danny didn’t know what to do. Telling him everything would be okay never helped anyone grieving, and not telling him anything at all made him feel that he was useless. He wanted to do something, he just didn’t know what exactly it was. All he could do at the moment was to rub Tom’s back just as Mr. Fletcher did to his wife, listening to his shaky breaths painfully like a broken record.
“I miss him, Danny, I really do,” said Tom after a while, eyes as bloodshot as they could go looking up at Danny, who looked back. “Just before it happened, he was so happy, Danny, you wouldn’t believe. He smiled like there was no tomorrow-and for him, there really is no tomorrow-but still… At least he left me with a smile, then I can remember him like that. No disability, no nothing, just… Jacob. But I don’t want to let go, Danny, it hurts. I know I should, but I don’t want to accept that he’s gone. I don’t want to accept that he won’t be there next to me when I wake up every morning, looking at me with those eyes the moment I open mine. I don’t want to accept it, Danny, I love him so much…”
“Tom, I know you’re hurting, probably more than half the world had ever felt, but you’re going to have to let him go,” said Danny softly, bringing Tom up so that his face was resting on the crook of the brunette’s neck, he could feel the wetness from his cheeks and the warm breaths coming from his mouth. “It’s going to be hard-harder for you than anyone-but you’re going to have to be strong for him. He wouldn’t want to see you like this, crying at something you can’t do anything about. You said it yourself, ‘there’s nothing to cry about,’ and I’m sure that’s what he wants you to do. I know you have to let your feelings out, but you can’t keep holding on to him. You have to move on. Unless you want to live the rest of your life hurting, you’re going to have to.”
Tom watched him as he spoke, eyes overflowing with tears.
“I don’t want to hurt, Danny,” Tom admitted in a whisper, shaking his head, looking at Danny hopefully, as if he had all the answers he desperately needed.
“I know you don’t,” said Danny, kissing Tom on his wet forehead, who closed his eyes at once to hold back the tears that had begun to join the congregation, but they slipped past all the same, and Danny could feel the droplets hitting his skin.
“I just want him to know how much I love him, Danny. I don’t think I get it across enough. I know I’ve expressed it as much as possible already, but, God, I haven’t even told him I love him for years. And looking back, I missed so many opportunities, and now that I want to more than ever, I can’t.”
“But I’m sure he knows that,” assured Danny, running his hand through Tom’s damp hair with a smile.
“You think so?” Tom asked, ghost of a smile forming at the corners of his lips. Danny nodded.
“Yeah, I do. But if he doesn’t, then here’s your chance.”
Tom finally managed a smile, and Danny beamed right back at him, relieved to see him a little less broken.
“Jacob, if you can hear me, I just want you to know that through the times that I yelled at you for when I was feeling bad, the times that I reprimanded you for doing something that wasn’t even that bad in the first place, I still love you. Just know that everything I have ever done for you, I’ve done out of love, not because you were my responsibility. You were never my responsibility, you were my friend, my best friend, the best friend I could ever ask for, and I hope you know that. I love you and I will always love you. No matter what happens, Jacob, no matter what happens… It’s going to hurt for a while I know, and even if I can’t hold you in my arms every night and read you those stories you enjoy so much, I’m going to get through it. I’m going to try at least, because God knows it’s going to be so hard. I’ll get through it, we’ll get through it together…”
He fell silent, sobs threatening to burst from his mouth once again, and he did his best to stop them from breaking through. After calming down, he looked at Danny and, raising himself up, pressed his cheek against his, arms coming around the brunette’s neck.
“Do you think he heard me?”
Danny chuckled and brought his lips to meet the blonde’s softly and ardently, enveloping himself of the warmth between their skins.
“I’m sure he did.”
And in the silence, Danny could just hear outside the open window the whistling of the wind coalescing with the soft rustling of the trees nearby, reminding him of a certain laugh that struck his heart like the first time he had heard it, and, looking down at Tom wiping the tears with his palms, smile mellowing into something indescribable, it was enough to let him know that Jacob had, indeed, been listening.