Let Me Know He Cares - Fletcher/Jones - Chapter 12
Title: Let Me Know He Cares
Author: valquiris
Part: 12/?
Rating: PG-13 for language, violence, and sexual situations
Pairing: Fletcher/Jones
Genre: Romance
Summary: “I wasn’t thinking, alright?” Tom managed to say aloud, his hands gripping the edge of the bed as tight as he could. Danny turned away shaking his head and rolling his eyes, but Tom continued, his mind furiously working to decipher what he felt in his heart.
A/N: I didn't have homework yesterday (huzzah!) so I spent most of my time yesterday writing this. Nothing more I could say. I'll just let it speak for itself. ^-^
Disclaimer: I do not own McFly in any way.
Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 || Chapter 11
He angrily wiped the fresh trails of tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand, but more kept running down to replace them no matter what he did. Adding that to the erratic beating of his heart, he almost didn’t want to face Danny anymore. I don’t think I can do it… He was ready to give up, to turn around and go back home and at least try to enjoy Giovanna’s company. But gravity said different. He found himself being pulled closer to the door with every passing second. Once, he actually did turn around to go back home, but he swiveled back almost instantly. He was so confused. His heart was confused. He didn’t want to get hurt, but at the same time he didn’t want to leave things like this.
Vigorously wiping his violently red cheeks one last time, he swallowed one of his sobs and approached the door, paying particular mind not to use the doorknob.
Knock.
The tension building around Tom felt almost tangible, it suffocated him, and when no answer came, he tried once again, whispering “Danny, Danny, Danny…” over and over again under his breath.
Knock.
Maybe I’m knocking too softly for him to hear Tom thought as he waited patiently for something-anything-to happen, and he gathered himself to make the next action more forceful.
Bang!
The sound was shortly accompanied by the fluttering of wings overhead, and Tom turned his head just in time to see a flock of birds flying away from a nearby tree, their squawking plucking every single one his nerves. He turned back to the door, tears pooling in his eyes by this time. Fucking answer the door, Danny!
Bang! Bang!
“Danny!” Tom yelled, his voice cracking a little, frustrated by Danny’s ignoring him. A few passersby stopped their stroll and whirled around to look at what made the sound, but Tom didn’t see that. All he saw was the plain door before him, blurred beyond recognition by the massive congregation of tears that indifferently rolled down his cheeks no matter how hard his hand protested.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Danny, answer the door!” Tom cried in anguish, but still no answer came. He didn’t want to give up, and as a last resort he grabbed hold of the doorknob, its iciness intensified by the wetness of the tears that had settled themselves in his palm. He twisted it, and it came to no surprise that it wasn’t locked in the first place. Same old Danny Tom thought as he closed and locked the door behind him. Judging by the somber emptiness of the room, he concluded that Danny might have been residing in his bedroom, and Tom didn’t hesitate to make his way there.
The door was wide open, but as the lights were off, he couldn’t see a thing, only tidbits of furniture the streetlamps outside shone their minimal light on. As he entered the room, he felt something-a lot of somethings-make a sound under the weight of his shoes, and as he looked down, he saw coins scattered everywhere. The next moment, he heard a voice that made his hairs stand up on end.
“Fuck off,” the voice said harshly from somewhere in the shadows, unmistakably Danny’s. Tom spun around to face the bed and found himself looking straight at Danny’s eyes, which seemed to be illuminated by the moonlight. They looked almost as if they were glistening, and it didn’t take Tom long to figure out why.
His face was drenched in tears, as well as the front of his shirt, and moving over to get a better look at him, Tom discovered he was sitting against the wall, his knees brought up close to his chest, his forearms resting on them.
“Well?” Danny remarked loudly, giving Tom a slight start when the silence was broken. “What’re you waiting for? Go back to your girlfriend and leave me the fuck alone!” Tom felt his heart being torn to pieces, but he kept his ground, his hands balling into fists in defiance to his request.
“Danny, let’s talk about this, please!” Tom pleaded, a slight desperation in his tone, inching closer to Danny, who only moved farther as he approached. Tom finally resigned on the bed, looking at Danny, who was now standing up opposite him, his arms folded, his eyes smoldering. “Don’t throw away what we have just because of something stupid you found out!” Thinking about this, Tom felt that his argument made no sense whatsoever, but it nevertheless elicited a violent response from Danny.
“Something stupid?” Danny bellowed in disbelief, uncoiling his arms. “Something stu-You’re in a fucking relationship with another girl!” He was waving his arms like a madman as he spoke, pointing his hands here and there with no particular destination, and Tom could do nothing more but to stare at him helplessly. “Do you get your sick fixes by playing with my feelings? I’m fucking human, Tom! And I was your fucking friend! I deserved to know about her! I deserved to know that you had a girlfriend!”
“Dan-” Tom said meekly, but he was interrupted coldly right away.
“Shut the fuck up, Tom! I’m fucking talking! Isn’t this what you wanted? To talk!” To Tom, these words felt like a blow to his stomach with a sledgehammer, and he began to tear up, his eyes wide open. “Why the fuck did you make that move in the theaters knowing bloody well that you had her! Why, Tom?” Danny watched Tom with wild eyes, his chest heaving, dropping his arms limply, and he sat against the drawer behind him for support.
“I wasn’t thinking, alright?” Tom managed to say aloud, his hands gripping the edge of the bed as tight as he could. Danny turned away shaking his head and rolling his eyes, but Tom continued, his mind furiously working to decipher what he felt in his heart. “I-I was stupid for doing that, I know! But I just couldn’t hide my feelings! I had feelings for you Danny-I still do! It was too strong for me to-to ignore! I just…” With this, Tom ceased for a moment to collect himself, for he was sobbing too much to go on further. He breathed shaky sighs and wiped his face with his forearm before he pressed on.
“You don’t know how you make me feel, Dan. You have no fucking idea! Yes, I was fully and completely aware that I had a girlfriend, but my heart didn’t want to let that get in the way of my feelings!” Tom hoped this last, desperate attempt would finally make everything better, but the reality was far from it.
“Tom, are you even fucking listening to yourself?” Danny brutally retorted, and Tom felt his heart sink lower than it possibly could. “She’s a person too! You act like she’s a-a plaything that you can just scrap for something else! Did you even consider the consequences? I mean, the poor girl! She doesn’t even know you’re playing her!” His response addled Tom’s brain, which seemed to have temporarily stopped working. All this time, Tom thought that Danny would despise Giovanna, but after the last statement, he seemed as though he actually felt sympathy for her. And that he was taking her side.
“I was going to break up with her, Danny, I was! I want to be with you!” Tom argued back, his knuckles turning white from his grip. “I thought that everything would be better once I end things with her! I felt you didn’t need to know at all about her after we broke up-”
“I didn’t need to know? Me of all people? What the fuck’s wrong with you! Didn’t you ever think that someone would get hurt because of what you’ve done? Didn’t you? And what’s worse, you lied to me!” Tom had refrained from wiping his face for some time now, letting his tears roam free. Tom was losing, that much he knew, and he quickly deflected the last icy statement with one of his own.
“You’re one to talk! Who was it that lied to me about being a whore?” Tom felt it was about time that Danny got hurt this time, which was why he didn’t use the word “prostitute” in hopes that it would strike a respectable blow. But as he stared into Danny’s eyes, he didn’t see pain. He saw fury.
“Yes, I lied to you! But at least it was something that wouldn’t hurt anyone ‘cept me! But yours! Do you have any idea that it would hurt a lot more than yourself, if at all? You hurt two people, Tom, that much I know, even if she doesn’t know yet! Do you honestly have any idea how hurt I was when I came to your door, waiting for you to come? I felt sad enough as it was when your mother answered and told me you’ve gone off somewhere, but nothing in the world could amount to the pain I felt when she told me you were out with your girlfriend! Didn’t it ever cross your mind that I’d get hurt when I found out?” Tom couldn’t answer. His mouth felt dry amidst all the tears covering his entire face, and when he opened them to retort, no sound came. Then, apparently noticing the emphasis Tom made earlier, he angrily added, “And yes, I am a whore!” He turned away and stared out the window, watching people pass by with their companions, some holding hands, some with their arms over the others’ shoulders, giggling and laughing, feeling like they were somehow mocking his misery. “Now, if you don’t mind, I would appreciate it if you left. It’s over.”
Tom’s heart, already mutilated beyond repair after their argument, burned in the most painful fire imaginable. He doesn’t mean that. He’s just mad is all and he’ll forget everything tomorrow…
He jumped up from his seat and wrapped his arms around Danny’s waist from behind, burying his poor, sobbing face on his back, refusing to accept that their relationship was at an end. Danny grasped Tom’s wrists tightly and tried to free himself from his grip, but Tom was persistent, and he didn’t have any intention of letting him go, muttering “No, no, no, no, no…” under his breath, shaking his head with every “no.”
“Let go of me, Tom. It’s over,” Danny said as collected as he could, but the tears that rolled down his cheeks told otherwise, and he found his voice slightly cracking. “Let me go.”
Tom’s answer was still the same: “No, no, no, no, no…,” but it was barely comprehensible, for his sobs were drowning every single word. He squeezed Danny tighter as if his life depended on it, ignoring his attempts at liberation.
“Tom, let me go!” Danny demanded, and Tom could hear he was crying now, too. He worked furiously to cease Tom’s hold on him, but whenever he would succeed, his hands would only snap back together, bringing him back to trying again.
“No, Danny, I’m not leaving! I love you, Danny, please! Don’t do this to me! I love you-I need you! Danny, please don’t do this!” Tom wailed as loud as his lungs could muster, and he placed kiss after kiss on Danny’s back. After minutes of trying, Danny finally unclasped his hands and turned to face Tom himself, gripping his wrists tightly between them. Tom wanted desperately to wipe those tears that so tainted Danny’s face, but he found his hands currently inaccessible, and all he could do was look into his eyes, which were only blue blurs in the state that he was in.
“It’s over,” Danny whispered, dropping his hold on Tom’s wrists before turning to leave. But Tom quickly fastened his arms around Danny’s neck and pulled him close, burying his head in his wet, heaving chest. He felt Danny’s hands pushing him off, but he maintained as tight a grip as he possibly could much like before. It didn’t matter to him that he could be hurting Danny physically with his grip. This time he really did hold on for dear life-as if ceasing his hold on Danny would take his life away with it. The only thing that mattered to him was Danny in his arms, even if he was trying to pull away from them.
In one final attempt at freedom, Danny gave him a violent shove (“Let me go, Tom!” Danny cried), and Tom’s arms uncoiled at once, dropping helplessly on either side of him, taking a few steps back to prevent himself from falling. Danny didn’t hesitate as he made his way outside the door, not even looking back to see Tom one last time, and Tom could only watch as he disappeared from view. He was so exhausted-his heart was so exhausted that he didn’t have any more energy to call for him to come back. He heard the slamming of a door shortly after, and at that moment, he wanted to die.
He felt broken and empty, and, without warning, he fell on the floor when he felt his strings snap one by one, leaving his limbs lifeless beside him, deprived of all motor skills. He sat in the middle of the room all alone, the neglected marionette that nobody wanted, and the poor puppet could do nothing else but cry.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-
He didn’t know how long he stayed where he was before he left Danny’s house. He had no more tears to cry, that was certain, and his eyes never left the door outside the whole time, wishing to himself every second that Danny would come back and make everything better. But this never happened, and when he grew too weary of waiting, he slowly stood up and made his way out of the house, not caring that he slipped on some of the scattered golden coins that were a reminder of their first day as mates.
It was the longest walk he had ever taken, and with the streetlamps all around him burned out and everyone gone off to sleep, it was his loneliest as well.
I just can’t imagine life with Danny… He’s my everything… He’s what I look forward to everytime I wake up and what I miss when I go to sleep. I guess now, I’ll be missing him every waking moment of my life. It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have let my feelings get the best of me. I’m usually more practical than that. But Danny, he… There’s just something about him that I couldn’t resist… How I’m going to miss seeing his face, his smile, his eyes, his everything… I just can’t believe it’s over… After everything we went through and all the things we’ve done, it’s over. What am I going to do now? Go back to Giovanna and pretend like I’ve never fallen in love with him in the first place? Like nothing ever happened? I don’t think I can do that… It’s not going to be the same without him. Nothing will ever be the same…
It seemed like an eternity before he arrived at his house, his legs shaking in fatigue and cold, and after everything that happened, he just wanted to stay outside. He didn’t want to see Giovanna or his mother at the moment. He tightened Danny’s scarf around his neck and sat against the door, half wishing to himself that Danny would come sweep him off his feet and take him back to his house with a thousand kisses of pardon.
Stupid… I’ll just get a cold if I stay out here. I’ll just sleep it off. Maybe I’ll feel a bit better tomorrow…
He stood up, produced his keys from his pocket, and let himself in quietly. His eyes immediately fell on Giovanna’s sleeping form on the sofa, her face illuminated by the flashing lights the television provided, but unlike in his mother’s case, he didn’t make a move to turn it off or pull the blanket around her shoulders to prevent the cold from getting to her. Instead, he made his way to his room and locked the door behind him.
He laid on his side on the bed, Little Johnny in his arms, as he looked at the strip of pictures propped up against the pile of golden tokens glimmering in the moonlight. He couldn’t bring himself to put it away. He couldn’t bring himself to put anything associated with Danny away. He knew perfectly well he had to let him go, and that the easiest way to do that was to rid himself of anything that would remind him of Danny, but his heart refused to listen.
He still yearned for Danny; his touch, his embrace, the warmth only his body could give off… Those were the things he wanted so much right now almost to the point of necessity. But he knew perfectly well that it was impossible, and that the closest thing to Danny that he had now was the stuffed bear he held ever so closely to his chest.
Author: valquiris
Part: 12/?
Rating: PG-13 for language, violence, and sexual situations
Pairing: Fletcher/Jones
Genre: Romance
Summary: “I wasn’t thinking, alright?” Tom managed to say aloud, his hands gripping the edge of the bed as tight as he could. Danny turned away shaking his head and rolling his eyes, but Tom continued, his mind furiously working to decipher what he felt in his heart.
A/N: I didn't have homework yesterday (huzzah!) so I spent most of my time yesterday writing this. Nothing more I could say. I'll just let it speak for itself. ^-^
Disclaimer: I do not own McFly in any way.
Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 || Chapter 11
He angrily wiped the fresh trails of tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand, but more kept running down to replace them no matter what he did. Adding that to the erratic beating of his heart, he almost didn’t want to face Danny anymore. I don’t think I can do it… He was ready to give up, to turn around and go back home and at least try to enjoy Giovanna’s company. But gravity said different. He found himself being pulled closer to the door with every passing second. Once, he actually did turn around to go back home, but he swiveled back almost instantly. He was so confused. His heart was confused. He didn’t want to get hurt, but at the same time he didn’t want to leave things like this.
Vigorously wiping his violently red cheeks one last time, he swallowed one of his sobs and approached the door, paying particular mind not to use the doorknob.
Knock.
The tension building around Tom felt almost tangible, it suffocated him, and when no answer came, he tried once again, whispering “Danny, Danny, Danny…” over and over again under his breath.
Knock.
Maybe I’m knocking too softly for him to hear Tom thought as he waited patiently for something-anything-to happen, and he gathered himself to make the next action more forceful.
Bang!
The sound was shortly accompanied by the fluttering of wings overhead, and Tom turned his head just in time to see a flock of birds flying away from a nearby tree, their squawking plucking every single one his nerves. He turned back to the door, tears pooling in his eyes by this time. Fucking answer the door, Danny!
Bang! Bang!
“Danny!” Tom yelled, his voice cracking a little, frustrated by Danny’s ignoring him. A few passersby stopped their stroll and whirled around to look at what made the sound, but Tom didn’t see that. All he saw was the plain door before him, blurred beyond recognition by the massive congregation of tears that indifferently rolled down his cheeks no matter how hard his hand protested.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Danny, answer the door!” Tom cried in anguish, but still no answer came. He didn’t want to give up, and as a last resort he grabbed hold of the doorknob, its iciness intensified by the wetness of the tears that had settled themselves in his palm. He twisted it, and it came to no surprise that it wasn’t locked in the first place. Same old Danny Tom thought as he closed and locked the door behind him. Judging by the somber emptiness of the room, he concluded that Danny might have been residing in his bedroom, and Tom didn’t hesitate to make his way there.
The door was wide open, but as the lights were off, he couldn’t see a thing, only tidbits of furniture the streetlamps outside shone their minimal light on. As he entered the room, he felt something-a lot of somethings-make a sound under the weight of his shoes, and as he looked down, he saw coins scattered everywhere. The next moment, he heard a voice that made his hairs stand up on end.
“Fuck off,” the voice said harshly from somewhere in the shadows, unmistakably Danny’s. Tom spun around to face the bed and found himself looking straight at Danny’s eyes, which seemed to be illuminated by the moonlight. They looked almost as if they were glistening, and it didn’t take Tom long to figure out why.
His face was drenched in tears, as well as the front of his shirt, and moving over to get a better look at him, Tom discovered he was sitting against the wall, his knees brought up close to his chest, his forearms resting on them.
“Well?” Danny remarked loudly, giving Tom a slight start when the silence was broken. “What’re you waiting for? Go back to your girlfriend and leave me the fuck alone!” Tom felt his heart being torn to pieces, but he kept his ground, his hands balling into fists in defiance to his request.
“Danny, let’s talk about this, please!” Tom pleaded, a slight desperation in his tone, inching closer to Danny, who only moved farther as he approached. Tom finally resigned on the bed, looking at Danny, who was now standing up opposite him, his arms folded, his eyes smoldering. “Don’t throw away what we have just because of something stupid you found out!” Thinking about this, Tom felt that his argument made no sense whatsoever, but it nevertheless elicited a violent response from Danny.
“Something stupid?” Danny bellowed in disbelief, uncoiling his arms. “Something stu-You’re in a fucking relationship with another girl!” He was waving his arms like a madman as he spoke, pointing his hands here and there with no particular destination, and Tom could do nothing more but to stare at him helplessly. “Do you get your sick fixes by playing with my feelings? I’m fucking human, Tom! And I was your fucking friend! I deserved to know about her! I deserved to know that you had a girlfriend!”
“Dan-” Tom said meekly, but he was interrupted coldly right away.
“Shut the fuck up, Tom! I’m fucking talking! Isn’t this what you wanted? To talk!” To Tom, these words felt like a blow to his stomach with a sledgehammer, and he began to tear up, his eyes wide open. “Why the fuck did you make that move in the theaters knowing bloody well that you had her! Why, Tom?” Danny watched Tom with wild eyes, his chest heaving, dropping his arms limply, and he sat against the drawer behind him for support.
“I wasn’t thinking, alright?” Tom managed to say aloud, his hands gripping the edge of the bed as tight as he could. Danny turned away shaking his head and rolling his eyes, but Tom continued, his mind furiously working to decipher what he felt in his heart. “I-I was stupid for doing that, I know! But I just couldn’t hide my feelings! I had feelings for you Danny-I still do! It was too strong for me to-to ignore! I just…” With this, Tom ceased for a moment to collect himself, for he was sobbing too much to go on further. He breathed shaky sighs and wiped his face with his forearm before he pressed on.
“You don’t know how you make me feel, Dan. You have no fucking idea! Yes, I was fully and completely aware that I had a girlfriend, but my heart didn’t want to let that get in the way of my feelings!” Tom hoped this last, desperate attempt would finally make everything better, but the reality was far from it.
“Tom, are you even fucking listening to yourself?” Danny brutally retorted, and Tom felt his heart sink lower than it possibly could. “She’s a person too! You act like she’s a-a plaything that you can just scrap for something else! Did you even consider the consequences? I mean, the poor girl! She doesn’t even know you’re playing her!” His response addled Tom’s brain, which seemed to have temporarily stopped working. All this time, Tom thought that Danny would despise Giovanna, but after the last statement, he seemed as though he actually felt sympathy for her. And that he was taking her side.
“I was going to break up with her, Danny, I was! I want to be with you!” Tom argued back, his knuckles turning white from his grip. “I thought that everything would be better once I end things with her! I felt you didn’t need to know at all about her after we broke up-”
“I didn’t need to know? Me of all people? What the fuck’s wrong with you! Didn’t you ever think that someone would get hurt because of what you’ve done? Didn’t you? And what’s worse, you lied to me!” Tom had refrained from wiping his face for some time now, letting his tears roam free. Tom was losing, that much he knew, and he quickly deflected the last icy statement with one of his own.
“You’re one to talk! Who was it that lied to me about being a whore?” Tom felt it was about time that Danny got hurt this time, which was why he didn’t use the word “prostitute” in hopes that it would strike a respectable blow. But as he stared into Danny’s eyes, he didn’t see pain. He saw fury.
“Yes, I lied to you! But at least it was something that wouldn’t hurt anyone ‘cept me! But yours! Do you have any idea that it would hurt a lot more than yourself, if at all? You hurt two people, Tom, that much I know, even if she doesn’t know yet! Do you honestly have any idea how hurt I was when I came to your door, waiting for you to come? I felt sad enough as it was when your mother answered and told me you’ve gone off somewhere, but nothing in the world could amount to the pain I felt when she told me you were out with your girlfriend! Didn’t it ever cross your mind that I’d get hurt when I found out?” Tom couldn’t answer. His mouth felt dry amidst all the tears covering his entire face, and when he opened them to retort, no sound came. Then, apparently noticing the emphasis Tom made earlier, he angrily added, “And yes, I am a whore!” He turned away and stared out the window, watching people pass by with their companions, some holding hands, some with their arms over the others’ shoulders, giggling and laughing, feeling like they were somehow mocking his misery. “Now, if you don’t mind, I would appreciate it if you left. It’s over.”
Tom’s heart, already mutilated beyond repair after their argument, burned in the most painful fire imaginable. He doesn’t mean that. He’s just mad is all and he’ll forget everything tomorrow…
He jumped up from his seat and wrapped his arms around Danny’s waist from behind, burying his poor, sobbing face on his back, refusing to accept that their relationship was at an end. Danny grasped Tom’s wrists tightly and tried to free himself from his grip, but Tom was persistent, and he didn’t have any intention of letting him go, muttering “No, no, no, no, no…” under his breath, shaking his head with every “no.”
“Let go of me, Tom. It’s over,” Danny said as collected as he could, but the tears that rolled down his cheeks told otherwise, and he found his voice slightly cracking. “Let me go.”
Tom’s answer was still the same: “No, no, no, no, no…,” but it was barely comprehensible, for his sobs were drowning every single word. He squeezed Danny tighter as if his life depended on it, ignoring his attempts at liberation.
“Tom, let me go!” Danny demanded, and Tom could hear he was crying now, too. He worked furiously to cease Tom’s hold on him, but whenever he would succeed, his hands would only snap back together, bringing him back to trying again.
“No, Danny, I’m not leaving! I love you, Danny, please! Don’t do this to me! I love you-I need you! Danny, please don’t do this!” Tom wailed as loud as his lungs could muster, and he placed kiss after kiss on Danny’s back. After minutes of trying, Danny finally unclasped his hands and turned to face Tom himself, gripping his wrists tightly between them. Tom wanted desperately to wipe those tears that so tainted Danny’s face, but he found his hands currently inaccessible, and all he could do was look into his eyes, which were only blue blurs in the state that he was in.
“It’s over,” Danny whispered, dropping his hold on Tom’s wrists before turning to leave. But Tom quickly fastened his arms around Danny’s neck and pulled him close, burying his head in his wet, heaving chest. He felt Danny’s hands pushing him off, but he maintained as tight a grip as he possibly could much like before. It didn’t matter to him that he could be hurting Danny physically with his grip. This time he really did hold on for dear life-as if ceasing his hold on Danny would take his life away with it. The only thing that mattered to him was Danny in his arms, even if he was trying to pull away from them.
In one final attempt at freedom, Danny gave him a violent shove (“Let me go, Tom!” Danny cried), and Tom’s arms uncoiled at once, dropping helplessly on either side of him, taking a few steps back to prevent himself from falling. Danny didn’t hesitate as he made his way outside the door, not even looking back to see Tom one last time, and Tom could only watch as he disappeared from view. He was so exhausted-his heart was so exhausted that he didn’t have any more energy to call for him to come back. He heard the slamming of a door shortly after, and at that moment, he wanted to die.
He felt broken and empty, and, without warning, he fell on the floor when he felt his strings snap one by one, leaving his limbs lifeless beside him, deprived of all motor skills. He sat in the middle of the room all alone, the neglected marionette that nobody wanted, and the poor puppet could do nothing else but cry.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-
He didn’t know how long he stayed where he was before he left Danny’s house. He had no more tears to cry, that was certain, and his eyes never left the door outside the whole time, wishing to himself every second that Danny would come back and make everything better. But this never happened, and when he grew too weary of waiting, he slowly stood up and made his way out of the house, not caring that he slipped on some of the scattered golden coins that were a reminder of their first day as mates.
It was the longest walk he had ever taken, and with the streetlamps all around him burned out and everyone gone off to sleep, it was his loneliest as well.
I just can’t imagine life with Danny… He’s my everything… He’s what I look forward to everytime I wake up and what I miss when I go to sleep. I guess now, I’ll be missing him every waking moment of my life. It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have let my feelings get the best of me. I’m usually more practical than that. But Danny, he… There’s just something about him that I couldn’t resist… How I’m going to miss seeing his face, his smile, his eyes, his everything… I just can’t believe it’s over… After everything we went through and all the things we’ve done, it’s over. What am I going to do now? Go back to Giovanna and pretend like I’ve never fallen in love with him in the first place? Like nothing ever happened? I don’t think I can do that… It’s not going to be the same without him. Nothing will ever be the same…
It seemed like an eternity before he arrived at his house, his legs shaking in fatigue and cold, and after everything that happened, he just wanted to stay outside. He didn’t want to see Giovanna or his mother at the moment. He tightened Danny’s scarf around his neck and sat against the door, half wishing to himself that Danny would come sweep him off his feet and take him back to his house with a thousand kisses of pardon.
Stupid… I’ll just get a cold if I stay out here. I’ll just sleep it off. Maybe I’ll feel a bit better tomorrow…
He stood up, produced his keys from his pocket, and let himself in quietly. His eyes immediately fell on Giovanna’s sleeping form on the sofa, her face illuminated by the flashing lights the television provided, but unlike in his mother’s case, he didn’t make a move to turn it off or pull the blanket around her shoulders to prevent the cold from getting to her. Instead, he made his way to his room and locked the door behind him.
He laid on his side on the bed, Little Johnny in his arms, as he looked at the strip of pictures propped up against the pile of golden tokens glimmering in the moonlight. He couldn’t bring himself to put it away. He couldn’t bring himself to put anything associated with Danny away. He knew perfectly well he had to let him go, and that the easiest way to do that was to rid himself of anything that would remind him of Danny, but his heart refused to listen.
He still yearned for Danny; his touch, his embrace, the warmth only his body could give off… Those were the things he wanted so much right now almost to the point of necessity. But he knew perfectly well that it was impossible, and that the closest thing to Danny that he had now was the stuffed bear he held ever so closely to his chest.