The wind. It blows. It is cold. Brr.
The weather here today has been, in a word, insane. Cold, yet sunny at times, five minutes later very dark, cloudy and snowing like mad. As soon as you step outside a blast of icy wind cuts right through you. When I went for my brief jaunt out in this ridiculous weather, I was immediately put in mind of my favorite author, James Frey and just had to create the parodical ode to him that is my title. [Insert maniacal laughter here at my usage of the words favorite, author and James Frey in the same sentence minus that ever important adjective "least"]
One of my friends from "back home", aka where I grew up, sends email forwards on a basis bordering extreme. I am polite, I view them, make the obligatory replies of gratitude for the thinking of me, etc, etc. Most of them are your typical boring/annoying forwards with words of encouragement or warnings to beware of people offering perfume samples. Um, yeah. Sorry, it takes more than an animated graphic to amuse me.
In today's batch of forwardability (you think I jest when I speak of daily batches? Ha! I laugh at your naivete!), there was one begging for five little known or interesting facts about the recipient. If you listed said five facts in an email, then sent it to at least seven people including the person who sent it to you, a little gnome would bring you a unicorn filled with Lucky Charms or some similarly outlandish promise.
Since I refuse to bombard my loved ones with these atrocities disguised as email correspondence, I'll just share those five facts on here. I can almost hear the excitement brewing amongst the chosen few who read this. You've been waiting for this moment your entire lives, haven't you? God, I am interesting.
1. I have a voicemail compulsion. I change it about two or three times a month. Unique, funny, odd voicemails. Did so today actually, and not a half hour later had a message filled with very little other than the laughter of my beloved Toad and the phrase, "You have lost your fucking mind." LB, if only you weren't gay, we would so be a couple.
2. Sometimes I think I am overly creative. My mind very rarely settles, always thinking of new pieces of decor to add to my home, new storylines to write, new impossible life scenarios that can never play out anywhere but my brain.
3. When I was younger, I wanted to be a lawyer. I let the lawyers I had the unfortunate pleasure to encounter as an adolescent affect my career path. I often think I made the wrong choice. I often wish I would have gone to the law school of my dreams.
4. My biggest fear is being fat again. Vain, I know, but terrifying to me.
5. I have no less than a dozen nicknames, each one unique depending on which friend or family member it is coming from. Consequently, I answer to pretty much anything.
Okay, that was absurd and boring. Enjoy! :-)