SIMPLE FACT
There are times when I miss the Philippines. I miss the close friends and relatives over there. The many memories that we had made me homesick quite a lot when we first started here in California. But, to tell you the truth, I don't know if it's really the Philippines I miss. I think it's the simple life I had for the first 15 and a half years that I miss.
Growing up in the Philippines, I think the only care I had were friends, school, boys, and chocolates - lots of chocolates. It was those simple thoughts that made life a lot more easier. I had a simple way of reasoning my thoughts and actions. I was a brat, most of the time, but I had little care for the world. Life was just so much easier.
I think as I age and move on with my life, I've become quite vindictive. I admit that it is mostly the reason I have disagreements with my dad. He sees things in black and white. I, on the other hand, like to think that there is a gray matter in between. My dad tries to see that gray section sometimes, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he'll agree to it, which makes it really difficult to argue in a sane manner. It becomes very emotional, very fast.
I also find that with vindictiveness comes skepticism. I'm quite skeptical about most everything. Well, I like to think of it as "realistic," but it doesn't necessarily mean that my thoughts and actions converge in a cohesive manner. They more or less collide excessively that I sometimes wonder, "What is wrong with me?" Simple fact is I'm only human. I know it's an overused excuse, but I don't know how else to explain it. Hypocritical as it may seem, I, too, make mistakes.
Mistakes have become so prevalent in my life that I often wonder how I'm able to cope with them so well. I, maybe, don't even cope at all. I try to move on and forget, but I remember those mistakes during the most unlikely moments. I do understand, though, that we are supposed to learn from our mistakes. It is what makes us who we are today. I completely agree with that concept, but it's hard not to look back at those mistakes and not regret them. C'est la vie.
I really do want a less stressful life. I doubt it will happen anytime soon. Just take yesterday as an example - my new puppy, Cotton, got into my dad's gardening set and ingested some pesticide. My sister panicked yesterday and took her to the emergency vet. Three hundred dollars later, my puppy looks well and playing unconcerned about the amount she cost me in a day, but you know, I would probably have done the same. I would probably have to hold off on certain luxuries this month if I can have Cotton all well and happy. I guess, that's just how life works. Whether we like it or not, shit happens. We just need to live with it.
/re-post