just thinking...

[belleetoile1986]

Sooo I was thinking about my whole boy situation, yeah boy as in one in particular because he is the one that always occupies my everlasting thoughts. I can't help but still being completely hung up over that kid :( I don't know what to do, all I can really think about is being in his arms again and his lips kissing mine. I used to love it when he looked into my eyes, it sent intollerable chills down my spine and made me feel all warn and fuzzy inside. The way he smiled at me made gave me butterflies, oh and how he complimented me.. lol sometimes he was so goofy about it (a good goofy). Like he would use "lines" but omg seroiusly never refer to them as being lines.. yeah apparently lines are when guys wanna get into girls pants, he wasn't using lines but merely stating what was the truth. I can't help but replaying (in my head) the memory of the first time we kissed... well more like the first time of our second chance around, yeah just a bit complicated. It was so passionate and completely sincere. I really couldn't have asked for a more perfect kiss the moment was completely right. I think what really got to me (in a good way) was the fact of in the middle of it he kinda pulled back and all he said was "promise me you'll never hurt me", him saying that had a way of telling me that he truly cared for me. What's kinda ironic is that in the end he didn't end up getting hurt, I did :( I don't know You know the saying first time shame on them second time shame on you. Yeah shame on me, I gave him a second chance and look at what good it did for me, fucked me over again. I like him so much still, sadly I still would give him a chance. Something inside of me doesn't want to let go, I am the type that listens too much to my heart and not enough with my head. Even if I tried to put my heart on mute it will not ever completely be tuned out. I want him so, I've tried so hard in letting him know that. I don't know where I went wrong with this one, I did everything right yet things went so wrong. I know I scared him away big time, but it really doesn't help when I try explaining myself yet the truth remains unheard of. I need advice, I want him to listen to me. I say that I should've never given him that second chance but I sincerely don't regret it.. sad I know because it left me feeling this way. I don't know anymore. All I really know is that I am sad without him because he was the one that could make me smile. I wanna smile again, the same way I did when I was with him.

"I feel blissfully blessed in the presence of such beauty... now that's a 10."