Damn.
It's far, FAR too early to be awake, but I can't seem to fall back asleep. Ah well. I might as well post this here, since this is like a diary, just one that everyone else can read, right?
I let Vezelay's death get to me a little too much, I think. I've had several nightmares about Dillon lately. I made the mistake (maybe?) of putting myself too much in Brolli's point-of-view of things. Having to stand by and not do anything while his daughter died? Terrible. Bloody terrible. I've had moments where I thought I was in that same position. Dillon was so little and sick when he was born, and there was nothing I could do for him. Thank God he made it through that, but I can feel the helplessness that must've been with Brolli that whole time. Thank God Vezelay made it through all that too.
I say maybe back there though because maybe from time to time I should be scared shitless back into remembering just how close I came to losing him and how important to me he really is. I tell him I love him everyday, and in true young boy fashion he says, "That's so embarrassing, mum!" unless we're alone. Then he hugs me and says, "Me too!" Though I'm not sure if he's saying he loves me too or he loves himself as well.
Sneaky little rat, now I'll have to ask him about that one. I wonder what he'll come up with. (=
Hmm, coffee's done brewing, I should go and get myself a mug and numb my mind with the junk infomercials on the telly at this hour. Hopefully I won't end up ordering anything!
I let Vezelay's death get to me a little too much, I think. I've had several nightmares about Dillon lately. I made the mistake (maybe?) of putting myself too much in Brolli's point-of-view of things. Having to stand by and not do anything while his daughter died? Terrible. Bloody terrible. I've had moments where I thought I was in that same position. Dillon was so little and sick when he was born, and there was nothing I could do for him. Thank God he made it through that, but I can feel the helplessness that must've been with Brolli that whole time. Thank God Vezelay made it through all that too.
I say maybe back there though because maybe from time to time I should be scared shitless back into remembering just how close I came to losing him and how important to me he really is. I tell him I love him everyday, and in true young boy fashion he says, "That's so embarrassing, mum!" unless we're alone. Then he hugs me and says, "Me too!" Though I'm not sure if he's saying he loves me too or he loves himself as well.
Sneaky little rat, now I'll have to ask him about that one. I wonder what he'll come up with. (=
Hmm, coffee's done brewing, I should go and get myself a mug and numb my mind with the junk infomercials on the telly at this hour. Hopefully I won't end up ordering anything!