(no subject)

[belle_morte_17]

How did I get stuck with the people in my family? I should have been born to someone else. Everything is so wrong and I hate them so much and I cant get away from them. My head hurts so bad I think I'm gonna throw up bcuz of it. I've been screamed at and yelled at and told how horrible I was all my life, and I'm so tired of it and tired of hearing about how I'm wasting what I supposedly have (but dont actually have) and how I'm going to fail. I just want to be left alone. I didnt even do anything to them! I dont love my parents and even though my parents say they love me, they dont. We both just lie about it. I say I do to make them happier so they'll get off my back and so they'll hopefully leave me the hell alone. They say it to try and make me feel guilty and make me feel like I owe them. But I dont feel guilty or like I owe them, and they never leave me the hell alone. They just continue to think and say how horrible I am and scream at me, and whenever they act like things might be better or might change- all it is, is them giving me a list of or a talk on ways to conform myself to please them, and that is not a change at all. My mom acted like she was going to be reasonable and like she actually understood or gave a shit after we screamed at each other for and hour and a half, but as it turns out, the second my dad came around she just wanted me to change, and once again, it was just me doing everything wrong. My head hurts incredibly from the screaming and my crying, I just cant take it anymore. I'm so incredibly and immeasurably unhappy here. I really feel like if I died right now, it might not be such a bad thing.

To all my friends: Just so you know, I love you.
xoxo