Living Lies

[belle_from_hell]

I wonder if anyone knows just how miserable I really am. Sometimes I think they might, but then I am disappointed at just how clueless my friends and boyfriend are. "Looking hard into your eyes there was no one I'd ever known... such an empty surprise from the feeling we've known. How long have I been sleeping? How long have I been drifting along

Comments

Kupec is absolutely right!

[belle_from_hell]

I unscreened this comment especially to prove my own point. I hurt people even when I try to keep them close. It is almost more hurtful to them to keep them there than to just tell them to fuck off and be done with them. Kupec makes a valid point. There aren't many people like him that I haven't hurt. It was amazingly hard for him to open up to me and I was so happy when he did. In return I opened right back up to him and instead of this perfect, cool, nice, awesome girl he had portrayed me to be in his own mind.... he got the real me. The selfish, cold, heartless, hurtful person who thought she could find solace in a friend who cared. The only problem was that this particular friend was exactly like her and she never saw it coming. This friend was no friend at all. Yes kiddies, this friend was in fact a fiend. He was a fiend to abuse, neglect, and self mutilation. I loved him for that. I loved this fiend for all his fucked up qualities and I was pushed away for mine. Yet deep inside I know that he loves me and that is why this hurts him so much still. This is why he continues to post on my livejournal even though his comments are blocked because he knows that I will still read them and that is all he cares about. At first I thought he wrote to gain sympathy, then I thought is was to deal with all the horrible things that were said and done between us, but now I know it is because he doesn't want me to forget him. What he doesn't know is that I could never forget him. Nor could I ever forget the things he taught me about myself. I will never stop caring for my friend Mr.Kupec simply for that reason. While he writes these horrible things to me and makes me feel like I should I will continue to read them if only because I love hearing from him even if it is hurtful and demeaning to me. So thank you, Kupec for your enlightening remarks and unkind words. They make me feel less warm at night, but you forget old friend that I enjoy the cold. So bundle up. For it's going to be a very cold winter my friend. Those very same words give me just the comfort and security that I need to make it through another day of your bullshit. I can always depend on your response. It makes me less lonely. So, thank you again. You will remain my friend until the end of time. This is something that no words or actions of yours will ever change. May the new year bring you the peace you seek to move on. Happy hunting Kupec.

Your Devoted Enemy and Friend,
Addy

Re: Kupec is absolutely right!

[belle_from_hell]

Oh, I almost forgot! Thank you for catching me slipping Kupec. No one could've done quite like you.