epic fail?
Okay. I DID complain today. BUT it wasn't whiny-complaining. I called my mum, and during our conversation she developed her usual: "oh you will do just fine, you always manage" attitude. This gets me mad every time she does it, especially because she's not the only one to reason like that. I didn't complain about my workload, I just told her that some days I felt overwhelmed and that next term would be tough, but that I had conciously chosen things like this. I know I'm responsible for my choices and I knew what I was getting myself into before. That's not the point. The point is, that I will have to struggle to manage, and that I fear I might fail or atleast not do as well as I would like. And I wanted her to acknowledge this fear. Of course it's comforting when people believe in you, but it's not helpful when they do it in a way that gives you the impression that they don't take your fears serious.
I'm not wonderwoman, and I want her to acknowledge when I do well and I want her to to accept and understand that I do hold my fears and insecurities. I don't think this asks for to much and today I explicitely told her that. After she responded the fifth time with, "well yes, BUT..." I got a bit louder and tolder her "No! Not BUT. I'm insecure and I'm dreading the next term ab bit, and I don't need people to tell me I'll just manage great. I want them to accept that it in fact IS alot of work and that I've got the right to fear failure too. That's all I'm asking for." She accepted this then, finally.
Is it stupid to think like that? I don't know. But I can't help feeling like this.
Generally, the conversation went fine, though. As usual, she didn't ask me anything, she didn't show particular interest in my life or studies, but maybe one day I get used to the fact that if I want her to know things, I'll have to tell her about them without being asked. I wont change her. Atm, I guess I'm not fully ready to accept her the way she is because to many things she does I just can't understand. But I guess time will help. Maybe I first have to gain more distance from her before I can finally fully accept the way she is and make my peace with her.
I'm not wonderwoman, and I want her to acknowledge when I do well and I want her to to accept and understand that I do hold my fears and insecurities. I don't think this asks for to much and today I explicitely told her that. After she responded the fifth time with, "well yes, BUT..." I got a bit louder and tolder her "No! Not BUT. I'm insecure and I'm dreading the next term ab bit, and I don't need people to tell me I'll just manage great. I want them to accept that it in fact IS alot of work and that I've got the right to fear failure too. That's all I'm asking for." She accepted this then, finally.
Is it stupid to think like that? I don't know. But I can't help feeling like this.
Generally, the conversation went fine, though. As usual, she didn't ask me anything, she didn't show particular interest in my life or studies, but maybe one day I get used to the fact that if I want her to know things, I'll have to tell her about them without being asked. I wont change her. Atm, I guess I'm not fully ready to accept her the way she is because to many things she does I just can't understand. But I guess time will help. Maybe I first have to gain more distance from her before I can finally fully accept the way she is and make my peace with her.