(no subject)
So. Sam's introspective post has inspired me to write a post of a smiliar nature. I don't have nearly as many LJ friends as Sam does, although I have quite a few. Most of them, I have met in real life at some point or another. The rest, like Jemmers, really got me thorugh some hard times just by being people I had never met who I could relate to so well.
In the past couple of years, I've drifted away from LJ. Not because I didn't need to the support and my friends anymore, but becuase I found something different. I found 'love'. And, unfortunately, my 'love' neither approved of me venting my emotions online to ''strangers'' - he'd rather I vent it all to him. Which is sweet, but in a way, leaves a young naive idealistic female open to manipulation.
My 'love' met a large number of you at least once. And, I am sorry to say, didn't like a single one of you. NOt that he actually DISLIKED anyone, but he didn't like and want to see anyone again either. Some of oyu he ofund pitiable, some annoying, some disgusting, some just beneath his notice. I've since learned this is how he reacts to everyone and feel stupid for letting his judgement change my behavior.
But that's how it is, and still is. I make plans to see people, and don't follow through with them becuase he has nothing else to do, no one else to see. I have lost friends becuase they get tired of me standing them up, or not making it, or calling to say it won't work out. I've lost a sort of self integrity and sense of value.
And what Have I gained? The love of a man who sees love as a form of control. NO, that's not being fair becuase he is a wonderful person. But I've lost so many other wonderful people for this one. THt's not right.
I'm sorry to everyone. And although I can't promise I"ll bebetter right away, I'll get better soon.
I miss movie nights with Chicknuggets. Although I'm sure we could cook up way etter food than the chiknuggets now huh sam?
In the past couple of years, I've drifted away from LJ. Not because I didn't need to the support and my friends anymore, but becuase I found something different. I found 'love'. And, unfortunately, my 'love' neither approved of me venting my emotions online to ''strangers'' - he'd rather I vent it all to him. Which is sweet, but in a way, leaves a young naive idealistic female open to manipulation.
My 'love' met a large number of you at least once. And, I am sorry to say, didn't like a single one of you. NOt that he actually DISLIKED anyone, but he didn't like and want to see anyone again either. Some of oyu he ofund pitiable, some annoying, some disgusting, some just beneath his notice. I've since learned this is how he reacts to everyone and feel stupid for letting his judgement change my behavior.
But that's how it is, and still is. I make plans to see people, and don't follow through with them becuase he has nothing else to do, no one else to see. I have lost friends becuase they get tired of me standing them up, or not making it, or calling to say it won't work out. I've lost a sort of self integrity and sense of value.
And what Have I gained? The love of a man who sees love as a form of control. NO, that's not being fair becuase he is a wonderful person. But I've lost so many other wonderful people for this one. THt's not right.
I'm sorry to everyone. And although I can't promise I"ll bebetter right away, I'll get better soon.
I miss movie nights with Chicknuggets. Although I'm sure we could cook up way etter food than the chiknuggets now huh sam?