Mushroom Clouds Over Wall Street!
--Would you trust this proposal?
Here is an older homeowner, living in (let us say) a large, once-regal Victorian with significant acreage, who due to increasing years can no longer get around it so well, nor maintain the estate in the style formerly accustomed, and so has hired someone to look after the building and yard for which this individual is paid rather handsomely, particularly given the typical income of neighboring families.
One day after a severe rainstorm this property manager comes to the householder and says that the roof is in such dire need of repairs that it must be fixed IMMEDIATELY to the tune of a half-million dollars, otherwise if it is not done at once the next big storm will rip it off entirely and the house will be wrecked. "Here's the checkbook, please sign here and I'll take care of it."
"Wait!" says the householder's significant other and co-owner of the property. "Didn't you assure us last week, when we asked you directly if there were any urgent repairs to be made before winter, and specifically about the state of the roof, that everything was fine, perfectly shipshape and nothing needed to be done at all, you had everything under control? What have we been paying you for?"
"Um," says the property manager. "--It's fall! We can't talk about this now, there could be another storm any minute now!"
"Well," says the SO, "if that's so, then talking about this for an hour won't make any difference, will it? Why do you need half-a-million? That's really high for fixing a roof. Why is it so expensive? What exactly are you going to do, and who's going to be doing it?"
"It's a big roof!" exclaims the property manager.
"Yeah, so?" demands the other homeowner, getting hotter about this. "How does this compare to other houses with similar problems? What exactly is wrong and again, what are you going to have done to it? Specifics, please!"
"This is what the experts say! We have to act now!"
"What experts?" The SO is getting on the phone to a local architect. "These folks are saying that it could either be even more depending on the extent of damage, OR that we should be able to do a decent temporary repair for much, much less and buy time to get a proper survey done before rushing into anything."
"What do they know? I talked to DC&H - an old and very reputable firm. Here, look at their flyer. This will allay your fears, I'm sure."
"Hey, this was printed out on an inkjet printer - and it's on the back of an envelope. Hey, this is one of MY envelopes out of the trash! What's going on here?"
"This is your family home! Don't you care about your family home?" returns the property manager passionately.
One of the younger family members pipes up all of the sudden, "Hey, wait, half-a-million - didn't I hear Nicky Grattata saying something at the bar last week about a local property manager for a rich family who owes him half-a-million from bad bets on the ponies?"
"Oh, stop, there's no time for this! The roof could fall in any second and we'll be homeless!" cries the homeowner in a handwringing tizzy.
"You're just angry about the car," says the property manager sullenly.
"Damn right I'm angry about the car," says the younger relative. "You said you needed to borrow it to go take care of a family emergency, and instead you went to a party and had too many and totalled it! Why should we trust you about the roof now?"
"Oh no, I see a dark cloud on the horizon! It could be an Autum Storm!"
"Quick, quick, fetch me a pen!" quavers the householder, but the other family members stand fast.
"Even if this is as bad as your manager says it is, there's no way we can just take their word for it. Not after everything that's happened already. If we do it wrong - if we pick an incompetent or crooked contractor, if we don't fix the right problem, it could result in structural damage to the entire building. We need to do this right. Because it's important. "
(This bailout-inspired allegory modeled on a real incident - several, in fact, in which the repeat gull was ironically, concidentally, or entirely predictably, a conservative theocon with a background in stock brokering.The roof was only the largest, and latest, in the series of fiascos I was alternately bystander and victim to.)
Here is an older homeowner, living in (let us say) a large, once-regal Victorian with significant acreage, who due to increasing years can no longer get around it so well, nor maintain the estate in the style formerly accustomed, and so has hired someone to look after the building and yard for which this individual is paid rather handsomely, particularly given the typical income of neighboring families.
One day after a severe rainstorm this property manager comes to the householder and says that the roof is in such dire need of repairs that it must be fixed IMMEDIATELY to the tune of a half-million dollars, otherwise if it is not done at once the next big storm will rip it off entirely and the house will be wrecked. "Here's the checkbook, please sign here and I'll take care of it."
"Wait!" says the householder's significant other and co-owner of the property. "Didn't you assure us last week, when we asked you directly if there were any urgent repairs to be made before winter, and specifically about the state of the roof, that everything was fine, perfectly shipshape and nothing needed to be done at all, you had everything under control? What have we been paying you for?"
"Um," says the property manager. "--It's fall! We can't talk about this now, there could be another storm any minute now!"
"Well," says the SO, "if that's so, then talking about this for an hour won't make any difference, will it? Why do you need half-a-million? That's really high for fixing a roof. Why is it so expensive? What exactly are you going to do, and who's going to be doing it?"
"It's a big roof!" exclaims the property manager.
"Yeah, so?" demands the other homeowner, getting hotter about this. "How does this compare to other houses with similar problems? What exactly is wrong and again, what are you going to have done to it? Specifics, please!"
"This is what the experts say! We have to act now!"
"What experts?" The SO is getting on the phone to a local architect. "These folks are saying that it could either be even more depending on the extent of damage, OR that we should be able to do a decent temporary repair for much, much less and buy time to get a proper survey done before rushing into anything."
"What do they know? I talked to DC&H - an old and very reputable firm. Here, look at their flyer. This will allay your fears, I'm sure."
"Hey, this was printed out on an inkjet printer - and it's on the back of an envelope. Hey, this is one of MY envelopes out of the trash! What's going on here?"
"This is your family home! Don't you care about your family home?" returns the property manager passionately.
One of the younger family members pipes up all of the sudden, "Hey, wait, half-a-million - didn't I hear Nicky Grattata saying something at the bar last week about a local property manager for a rich family who owes him half-a-million from bad bets on the ponies?"
"Oh, stop, there's no time for this! The roof could fall in any second and we'll be homeless!" cries the homeowner in a handwringing tizzy.
"You're just angry about the car," says the property manager sullenly.
"Damn right I'm angry about the car," says the younger relative. "You said you needed to borrow it to go take care of a family emergency, and instead you went to a party and had too many and totalled it! Why should we trust you about the roof now?"
"Oh no, I see a dark cloud on the horizon! It could be an Autum Storm!"
"Quick, quick, fetch me a pen!" quavers the householder, but the other family members stand fast.
"Even if this is as bad as your manager says it is, there's no way we can just take their word for it. Not after everything that's happened already. If we do it wrong - if we pick an incompetent or crooked contractor, if we don't fix the right problem, it could result in structural damage to the entire building. We need to do this right. Because it's important. "
(This bailout-inspired allegory modeled on a real incident - several, in fact, in which the repeat gull was ironically, concidentally, or entirely predictably, a conservative theocon with a background in stock brokering.The roof was only the largest, and latest, in the series of fiascos I was alternately bystander and victim to.)