Old Pulp Gender Role Bending
This isn't the Barsoom post I was intending to write (still working on that one) or rather, it's a chunk of it broken out, because it was obviously not all going to fit under one essay-umbrella. In honor of the possibility that Dark Horse has thought better* of gambling a dozen or more thousand simoleons on the dark horse named "Gor", as noted over
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Alternatively...
First, forget it being Mars. Too tough to explain how he got there from Earth. Make it Barsoom, an alien planet in another galaxy, and lessee - oh yeah, he was kidnapped by a flying saucer looking for cool Earth stuff to trade back on Barsoom. Of course, once he gets to Barsoom, he can escape and we can get started with the story.
Next, we must drop all that egg-laying females stuff. Too icky and out there. We can keep the slave girls in harem costumes (even though the Martians don't have harem costumes, everyone dresses like that), and princesses falling out of the tops of their chainmail bikinis.
Forget the 12 foot tall, four-armed Green Martians - we may (or may not) keep them Green, but we might just go for tall African-Americans instead (there must be some ex-basketball players who went into acting out there!): whaddya mean a barbaric kingdom - oh, yeah, forget 'jeds' and 'jeddaks', it's too hard to keep straight who outranks whom, let's have kings and emperors instead - of black savages who are noted for their cruelty and viciousness and fierce warrior prowess being civilised by a white American might be considered a touch patronising or condescending?
Make Deja Thoris a spoiled brat who stowed away on the scientific expedition ship that crashed and all the crew were captured by the Black/Green Martians. Gotta have that spark of UST between her and Carter, and nothing says UST like two characters snarking at each other all through three-quarters of the film, the female consisently behaving in foolish ways (to spite the male who ordered her not to behave like that as it would be foolish and get her into trouble) and getting into trouble and having to be rescued by the male! A level-headed Prncess and a gentleman adventurer who speak to one another with mutual respect just wouldn't work, ya know?
Oh yeah, nearly forgot the important part: the flying saucer guys who kidnap Carter at the start? They have to be from Deja Thoris's kingdom - that makes it better when he rescues her from being sacrificed to their idol by the Green/Black Martians. Dig that poetic irony! The captive Earthman rescuing and setting free the Princess of the people who kidnapped him!
Well, of *course* he rescues her from being sacrificed to the idol - what else are a race of cruel, vicious, warrior savages gonna do with a Princess?
It is important to bear in mind that John Carter is described as black-haired, grey-eyed, and tanned almost as dark as the Red Martians. This is to be particularly emphasised to the casting people so they can pick a blond, milky-skinned actor for the part.
And regarding the Red Martians - that of course means that Deja Thoris is a red-head. Oops, sorry - that should be a voluptuous redhead. Unless we go for a blonde, for maximum contrast with the jealous daughter of the Black/Green Martian king who is her love rival for John Carter.
Get a few lizards and stick frills on 'em, shoot 'em in closeup - a couple of bad animatronics might do just as well - for the Barsoomian beasties and we're nearly ready to start filming! Just have to check that Vancouver in October is free for location work, and we're ready to roll!
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Yes, this is exactly what they'd do, to start with. And you know, the whole Astral Projection thing is the flimsiest bit (and was when ER Eddison did it, too), but a little handwavy preface, a little borrowing from the Old Guard of Occultism who were ERB's contemporaries, and you could have a frame that would make it Plausible, if not Probable - and if you wanted to insert something to make it more likely, you could do the whole Sympathetic Vibrations and Ley Lines and make portentuous noises about how in Ye Olden Dayes, mortals believed that the Wandering Stars influenced the fate of kingdoms and empires on earth, Mars and Venus and Jupiter bringing the will of their respective gods into our lives - now here is a story of the reverse happening! It could be made to work.
--And yes, they would totally turn the Princess of Helium into a voluptuous red-headed "spitfire" aka "spoiled brat" whose "spunkiness" continually endangered herself AND John Carter, who would nevertheless always rescue her ungrateful Highness, sigh...and no, she wouldn't become fast friends with the loyal and goodhearted Sola, and of course they would combine Sola and Phaidor into one Bad Girl character, and...argh. Not even going there.
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It's easy: you just think of exactly how you'd hate to see it done, and imagine the complete opposite of everything in the source material, and find the most inappropriate locations and sets, and there you go!
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Oh, ouch. Is there really noplace in BC where there are deciduous trees, at least? Is it never sunny? Because I've never been that far up the West Coast, but I've had family up there, and who traveled up there, for ages, so I know a little what it looks like from family albums. And I *do* know what Maryland around DC looks like, because I've stayed there a fair amount, having family there, and, um, it doesn't have lots and lots and lots of Tall Dark Pine Trees. It has lots of deciduous trees, and lots of kudzu on them, and lots of open areas full of housing developments, and in the west it has lots of rolling farms with fields and trees and stuff, and on the coast you get salt marshes and sand bars and some deciduous trees, and, um, it's sunny a lot of the time. Even when it's cloudy, it's patchy clouds and bright sunshine between. Not always, of course, but it doesn't have that Edge Of The Map, wan feeling that Flash Gordon outdoors scenes do. (Believe me, being the sort of person who gets headaches from bright sunlight, and always has, I *remember* it well.)
Now, you could make Vancouver plausibly stand in for Northern New England, or bits of it, because we have lots of glooming tall pine trees and it is often rather wan up here. But Baltimore area? No way! At least not where they're shooting FG...
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From the sound of it, Alan Moore might be able to do a good job of Barsoom. I'm not fond of everything he's done, but I have a soft spot for Extraordinary Gentlemen and Top Ten: The Forty-Niners.
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