Fic!: Fanon Fodder II (1/?)
Fanon Fodder II: Fanon's Revenge
by Bella Temple
Rating: T to MA due to language, potential for nudity, and violence
Category: Crack, massive crossover
Warnings: Un-beta-ed. Spoilers for season two end of Supernatural Potential for just about anything else, at this point.
Disclaimer: Certain of the characters within are, in fact, my own creation. The vast majority, however, are not.
Author's note: No offense meant to geeks. I am a geek. The characters represented within, both fannish and non-fannish, are fictional. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. THIS IS NOT A REAL PERSON FIC.
Summary: The Man is angry. The fans are willing. And Mehri and Susan? They just like to watch. Fanon Fodder II: Because there's just too much fanon for one story, alone.
Fanon Fodder TOS
Fanon Fodder II: Prologue
Chapter One: Fandom Rescue
So, one moment, they were driving down a back road, following Ellen and Bobby in Bobby's tow truck, away from the cowboy cemetery, the dead demon, and the dead soldier, both willing for the time being to pretend that everything was okay, right, that Dean hadn't gone and done something monumentally stupid and damned hypocritical to boot and that Sam wasn't quietly trying to figure out if he should've been suffering some kind of post-traumatic stress or something from having died and been brought back. Like maybe he was supposed to be extra bitchy, and beat the crap out of the demon with a sledge hammer. Or possibly have sex with a vampire. He wasn't really clear on the proper procedure, but he had watched some Tuesday night TV in high school and college.
But they were driving, and there were "bitch"es and "jerk"s being tossed back and forth and brotherly punches and comments about bloody head-wounds being Dean's color and shit like that, and the next thing, this whirling, technocolored smoke or fog or something broiled up around the Impala and for a few seconds, Dean cursed an actual blue streak, one that spiraled up to the roof of the car before getting flung backwards with the rest of the bizarre, fractally, vomitous cloud and they spun in a cloud of dust on the strangest street either of them had ever seen, Sam managing only three words of prayer over and over as Dean continued to curse.
And then this girl stepped forward out of the dust, all jeans and t-shirt and vibrating, manic energy, smirking and giggling and saying "We come in peace" and this other girl chanted "It worked, it worked, it worked" over and over again, and Dean and Sam stared, boggled, and generally did the whole shock thing until finally, something snapped back into place.
Dean turned to Sam, a grin slowly spreading over his face, wickedly amused in the face of the bizarre, as usual.
"Dude, dibs on the brunette."
* * *
Bringing the Man the head of Alexander Lavelle Harris was very much easier said than done.
First, after all, they had to find Alexander Lavelle Harris. Not such an easy task since, a) it was exceedingly difficult, if not impossible, for fictional characters to make their way from an amatuer or creative commons corner of the Creative Ether to a copyrighted one and b) Alexander Lavelle Harris had gone and changed mediums on them.
"What do you mean, he's a comic character now?" The Man paced furiously back and forth in the Control Booth, then stopped to stab a finger at his clipboard. "'Popular Titles (Displaying 1 Result): 1. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997) aka "Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Series"; Titles (Exact Matches) (Displaying 2 Results): 1. Buffy the Vampire slayer (1992); 2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (2000) (VG)'. That's the show, the movie, and the video game. It doesn't say anything about any comic!"
The Bouncer leaned over the Man's shoulder, tapping his riding crop thoughtfully on the side of his neck. "Ah, sir, that's the IMDb records."
"Yeah,"
"Check Wikipedia."
The Man scowled and flipped through a few pages, mouth moving as he read quietly to himself. "Let's see then, 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer could refer to: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV series) (TV series airing 1997-2003), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (film) (1992 film), Buffy Summers, the protagonist . . .' yadda yadda . . . 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, the continuation of the television series, in graphic novel format.'" The scowl deepened. "But the series was finished! The canon was closed! Closed! Why are they making more?"
"Fan demand?" ventured the Bouncer.
"The story was not yet finished!" bellowed the Announcer.
Thugs One and Two scratched their heads. "Guy wanted more money," Thug One decided. Then he shot rock again. As did Thug Two. They both cursed and counted to three, and their game of 'Rock, Rock, Rock' continued. The Man resumed pacing.
"This is troublesome. Very troublesome. Visas are much easier to procure into closed canons. This will make things much, much more difficult. We're going to need back up." He looked to his clipboard again. "Someone adept at getting through borders between sectors. Someone strong and sneaky, with enormous constitution. Able to stand up to wounds and tortures without flinching."
The Bouncer gasped, pressing his riding crop to his lips. "You don't mean --"
The Man nodded. "Yes. Find me some X5s!"
Thug One grinned. "Ooo. They're pretty. . . ."
* * *
"X5s? Is he insane?"
"Think they'll manage to nab an Alec?"
"This is going to be very interesting."
"What about the brothers?"
"They're doing okay, for now. We'll check in on them again, later. Right now, we need to keep Max from killing Thugs One and Two,"
* * *
It was Ellen who first noticed that something was wrong.
"Stop the truck, Bobby,"
Bobby knew better than to argue with a mother when she got that tone and stopped the truck, scanning the road around them. "What?"
"They're gone."
"What?" Bobby adjusted his sideview mirror, frowning. He rolled down the window and leaned his head out, peering back along the dark road. "God dammit!"
Ellen already had her phone out, dialing. "Dean's going straight to voicemail,"
"And Sam ain't answered his since he got grabbed in the first place." Bobby punched the dash.
"Demon's dead, Bobby, we both saw Dean kill it."
"And there's a hell of a lot more where that one came from. Anyone of 'em mighta grabbed the boys,"
Ellen muttered a few choice curses that Bobby didn't normally hear from a lady. "Think maybe they're just lookin' for a break?"
"The sons of John Winchester?"
Ellen sighed. "Right. Looks like we've got a hell of a lot of work to do."
* * *
"Hey, Steve!"
Steve looked up from his enormous bong, blinking sleepily, then crawled over to look over his girlfriend's shoulder at her laptop. "'Sup?"
"Check it out. 'Fandom Rescue dot net'" She turned the computer toward him. "Think we should jump in? Looks like fun,"
Steve frowned, skimming over the website, which bore a logo reminiscent of that of the original Multi-verse Challenge. "I dunno, Megs, I promised Xander I wouldn't do that shit again."
"Oh, come on. Like he's gonna know? It'll be fun! We could get Doug Ramsey! Or, ooo, what about one of the Harry Pott--"
"Shut up, I haven't read book seven yet!"
"What the hell is taking you so long, then?!" Megan thwapped Steve gently on the head. "Okay, how about Wash? You know you wanna save Wash,"
". . . I do, but. . . . Megan, I promised."
"I bet Mike would do it,"
"Are you peer pressuring me?"
"Mayyyyyybe,"
Steve grinned lazily. "I'll think 'bout it."
* * *
Sam's gaping stare turned from the two bouncing and giggling girls to his brother.
Dean frowned. "What?"
"Dude."
"What?"
"Dude!"
"Oh come on, the blonde's cute, too, not like I'm leaving you with a total dog,"
"You're impossible."
The grin returned, though the gash on his forehead made Dean look even scruffier and less reputable than usual. "I know. It's all part of my charm." He turned his head to look back out at the girls, nodding to them and quirking his eyebrows flirtatiously. The brunette's hand started almost vibrating, thwapping into the shorter, blonde girl's arm repeatedly. The blonde grinned like an idiot and bounced in place, staring back at the car.
It was a bit like some sort of Wild Kingdom safari tour, the hyenas hungrily eyeing the unsuspecting human idiots who thought they were snug and safe in their car.
"Dude," Dean tilted his head toward Sam without looking away from the girls. "I think she likes you."
"Can we focus here, please?"
"Is it 'cause she's a big girl? You know, there's no shame in enjoying a little extra meat on the bones, Sammy,"
"You're totally concussed, aren't you."
"Quite possibly." Dean nodded to the girls again, smile never wavering. "But since we've got no freaking clue how we got here, we might as well get friendly with the locals,"
"Last time I did that I got killed, Dean,"
"Good thing I came along this time to protect you then, huh." And Dean was opening the door of the Impala and stepping out before Sam could grab his arm to stop him. "Ladies." The smarm was turned up full force.
The blonde actually swooned.
"First fandom rescue effort a success. We're so going down in fanstory," the brunette mumbled. "Totally going down in BNF fanstory."
To be continued. . . .
[Author's note: IMDb text quoted from here, accessed 9/28/07. Wikipedia text quoted from here, accessed 9/28/07.]
by Bella Temple
Rating: T to MA due to language, potential for nudity, and violence
Category: Crack, massive crossover
Warnings: Un-beta-ed. Spoilers for season two end of Supernatural Potential for just about anything else, at this point.
Disclaimer: Certain of the characters within are, in fact, my own creation. The vast majority, however, are not.
Author's note: No offense meant to geeks. I am a geek. The characters represented within, both fannish and non-fannish, are fictional. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. THIS IS NOT A REAL PERSON FIC.
Summary: The Man is angry. The fans are willing. And Mehri and Susan? They just like to watch. Fanon Fodder II: Because there's just too much fanon for one story, alone.
Fanon Fodder TOS
Fanon Fodder II: Prologue
Chapter One: Fandom Rescue
So, one moment, they were driving down a back road, following Ellen and Bobby in Bobby's tow truck, away from the cowboy cemetery, the dead demon, and the dead soldier, both willing for the time being to pretend that everything was okay, right, that Dean hadn't gone and done something monumentally stupid and damned hypocritical to boot and that Sam wasn't quietly trying to figure out if he should've been suffering some kind of post-traumatic stress or something from having died and been brought back. Like maybe he was supposed to be extra bitchy, and beat the crap out of the demon with a sledge hammer. Or possibly have sex with a vampire. He wasn't really clear on the proper procedure, but he had watched some Tuesday night TV in high school and college.
But they were driving, and there were "bitch"es and "jerk"s being tossed back and forth and brotherly punches and comments about bloody head-wounds being Dean's color and shit like that, and the next thing, this whirling, technocolored smoke or fog or something broiled up around the Impala and for a few seconds, Dean cursed an actual blue streak, one that spiraled up to the roof of the car before getting flung backwards with the rest of the bizarre, fractally, vomitous cloud and they spun in a cloud of dust on the strangest street either of them had ever seen, Sam managing only three words of prayer over and over as Dean continued to curse.
And then this girl stepped forward out of the dust, all jeans and t-shirt and vibrating, manic energy, smirking and giggling and saying "We come in peace" and this other girl chanted "It worked, it worked, it worked" over and over again, and Dean and Sam stared, boggled, and generally did the whole shock thing until finally, something snapped back into place.
Dean turned to Sam, a grin slowly spreading over his face, wickedly amused in the face of the bizarre, as usual.
"Dude, dibs on the brunette."
* * *
Bringing the Man the head of Alexander Lavelle Harris was very much easier said than done.
First, after all, they had to find Alexander Lavelle Harris. Not such an easy task since, a) it was exceedingly difficult, if not impossible, for fictional characters to make their way from an amatuer or creative commons corner of the Creative Ether to a copyrighted one and b) Alexander Lavelle Harris had gone and changed mediums on them.
"What do you mean, he's a comic character now?" The Man paced furiously back and forth in the Control Booth, then stopped to stab a finger at his clipboard. "'Popular Titles (Displaying 1 Result): 1. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997) aka "Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Series"; Titles (Exact Matches) (Displaying 2 Results): 1. Buffy the Vampire slayer (1992); 2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (2000) (VG)'. That's the show, the movie, and the video game. It doesn't say anything about any comic!"
The Bouncer leaned over the Man's shoulder, tapping his riding crop thoughtfully on the side of his neck. "Ah, sir, that's the IMDb records."
"Yeah,"
"Check Wikipedia."
The Man scowled and flipped through a few pages, mouth moving as he read quietly to himself. "Let's see then, 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer could refer to: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV series) (TV series airing 1997-2003), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (film) (1992 film), Buffy Summers, the protagonist . . .' yadda yadda . . . 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, the continuation of the television series, in graphic novel format.'" The scowl deepened. "But the series was finished! The canon was closed! Closed! Why are they making more?"
"Fan demand?" ventured the Bouncer.
"The story was not yet finished!" bellowed the Announcer.
Thugs One and Two scratched their heads. "Guy wanted more money," Thug One decided. Then he shot rock again. As did Thug Two. They both cursed and counted to three, and their game of 'Rock, Rock, Rock' continued. The Man resumed pacing.
"This is troublesome. Very troublesome. Visas are much easier to procure into closed canons. This will make things much, much more difficult. We're going to need back up." He looked to his clipboard again. "Someone adept at getting through borders between sectors. Someone strong and sneaky, with enormous constitution. Able to stand up to wounds and tortures without flinching."
The Bouncer gasped, pressing his riding crop to his lips. "You don't mean --"
The Man nodded. "Yes. Find me some X5s!"
Thug One grinned. "Ooo. They're pretty. . . ."
* * *
"X5s? Is he insane?"
"Think they'll manage to nab an Alec?"
"This is going to be very interesting."
"What about the brothers?"
"They're doing okay, for now. We'll check in on them again, later. Right now, we need to keep Max from killing Thugs One and Two,"
* * *
It was Ellen who first noticed that something was wrong.
"Stop the truck, Bobby,"
Bobby knew better than to argue with a mother when she got that tone and stopped the truck, scanning the road around them. "What?"
"They're gone."
"What?" Bobby adjusted his sideview mirror, frowning. He rolled down the window and leaned his head out, peering back along the dark road. "God dammit!"
Ellen already had her phone out, dialing. "Dean's going straight to voicemail,"
"And Sam ain't answered his since he got grabbed in the first place." Bobby punched the dash.
"Demon's dead, Bobby, we both saw Dean kill it."
"And there's a hell of a lot more where that one came from. Anyone of 'em mighta grabbed the boys,"
Ellen muttered a few choice curses that Bobby didn't normally hear from a lady. "Think maybe they're just lookin' for a break?"
"The sons of John Winchester?"
Ellen sighed. "Right. Looks like we've got a hell of a lot of work to do."
* * *
"Hey, Steve!"
Steve looked up from his enormous bong, blinking sleepily, then crawled over to look over his girlfriend's shoulder at her laptop. "'Sup?"
"Check it out. 'Fandom Rescue dot net'" She turned the computer toward him. "Think we should jump in? Looks like fun,"
Steve frowned, skimming over the website, which bore a logo reminiscent of that of the original Multi-verse Challenge. "I dunno, Megs, I promised Xander I wouldn't do that shit again."
"Oh, come on. Like he's gonna know? It'll be fun! We could get Doug Ramsey! Or, ooo, what about one of the Harry Pott--"
"Shut up, I haven't read book seven yet!"
"What the hell is taking you so long, then?!" Megan thwapped Steve gently on the head. "Okay, how about Wash? You know you wanna save Wash,"
". . . I do, but. . . . Megan, I promised."
"I bet Mike would do it,"
"Are you peer pressuring me?"
"Mayyyyyybe,"
Steve grinned lazily. "I'll think 'bout it."
* * *
Sam's gaping stare turned from the two bouncing and giggling girls to his brother.
Dean frowned. "What?"
"Dude."
"What?"
"Dude!"
"Oh come on, the blonde's cute, too, not like I'm leaving you with a total dog,"
"You're impossible."
The grin returned, though the gash on his forehead made Dean look even scruffier and less reputable than usual. "I know. It's all part of my charm." He turned his head to look back out at the girls, nodding to them and quirking his eyebrows flirtatiously. The brunette's hand started almost vibrating, thwapping into the shorter, blonde girl's arm repeatedly. The blonde grinned like an idiot and bounced in place, staring back at the car.
It was a bit like some sort of Wild Kingdom safari tour, the hyenas hungrily eyeing the unsuspecting human idiots who thought they were snug and safe in their car.
"Dude," Dean tilted his head toward Sam without looking away from the girls. "I think she likes you."
"Can we focus here, please?"
"Is it 'cause she's a big girl? You know, there's no shame in enjoying a little extra meat on the bones, Sammy,"
"You're totally concussed, aren't you."
"Quite possibly." Dean nodded to the girls again, smile never wavering. "But since we've got no freaking clue how we got here, we might as well get friendly with the locals,"
"Last time I did that I got killed, Dean,"
"Good thing I came along this time to protect you then, huh." And Dean was opening the door of the Impala and stepping out before Sam could grab his arm to stop him. "Ladies." The smarm was turned up full force.
The blonde actually swooned.
"First fandom rescue effort a success. We're so going down in fanstory," the brunette mumbled. "Totally going down in BNF fanstory."
To be continued. . . .
[Author's note: IMDb text quoted from here, accessed 9/28/07. Wikipedia text quoted from here, accessed 9/28/07.]