After All This Time... (13/?)
Title: After All This Time...
Author: Bella Taggart
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Summary: 3 Years have passed since the day Erica Hahn walked out of Callie Torres's life. When professional life brings them back together, they must figure out how and if they fit into each other’s lives, after all this time…
What to expect: Angst, passion and most of all, love.
Pairing: Callie/Erica eventually...
Rating: NC-17 just to be safe
Spoiler: Through s5e7 (Rise Up)
Archiving: Only with the permission of the author
Note: Thank you so much to callicafan4eva for the great beta work.
Feedback: Please :) You can reach me at bellataggart@gmail.com
Disclaimer: All characters, events, settings and situations mentioned in this work are sole property of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, in constitutes fair use. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be defamatory or factual in anyway.
After All This Time
By Bella Taggart
Part 13
Callie tried to see Erica that night, after her coffee with Jane, and when she couldn’t; she tried the next morning too. But, all her efforts of trying to locate her proved to be fruitless.
After spending the next two days trying to find a suddenly invisible Erica, Callie’s mood had plummeted, and whatever fleeting glee she had felt at the notion of reaching a non-hostile common ground with her had disappeared.
The few times she had caught glimpses of her had been of her quickly retreating back and in all honesty, as much as she appreciated the view, Callie was growing tired of the angle.
She had to be avoiding her; there could be no other explanation.
She walked up to the nurses’ station and slumped next to Christina, “Hey.”
Christina gave her a sideway glance, raised a single eyebrow, and went back to her scribbling. “You look happy.”
“Hmm,” She picked up her next case file, and started flipping through it. “Have you seen Hahn?”
“She was in my surgery this morning.” Christina replied absentmindedly.
“What?” Callie felt her blood rushing, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Huh?”
“You should have called and told me!”
“And once again with the ‘huh’?”
“I’ve been looking for her.” Callie grumbled.
“You wanted me to call you to say that she was scrubbing in on my bypass?”
“Yes. I mean no…”
“What’s going on Cal?” she said finally, closing her folder and turning fully to her.
“It’s nothing, I’m sorry. It’s just I’ve been looking for her for like two days and it’s driving me a little crazy.”
“I see that.” Christina said, nodding.
“She’s avoiding me on purpose.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Where is she then?” She asked, sure that she was right.
“Has something happened? Like between you guys?”
“No,” she said firmly, “That’s not it. We were just getting on speaking terms, you know…and well we were speaking and, let’s just say there was a misunderstanding.”
“What kind of misunderstanding?”
“It’s not important; I just have to see her.”
“See who?” Sloan interrupted, suddenly appearing beside them.
“Erica.” Callie clarified, “Have you seen her?”
“She was just here, like ten minutes ago.”
“Great.” Callie mumbled, “Everyone’s seen her except me…She is sooo avoiding me.”
“If she is, you’re lucky because she’s got something stuck up her ass today.” Sloan said, “I mean it, whatever it is that you need, wait till tomorrow.”
“That’s actually true.” Christina agreed, “She was pretty cold this morning, like she had one of the interns in tears kind of cold.”
“Really?” Callie asked tentatively, feeling oddly better at the idea that she might be feeling as crappy as herself.
Christina nodded, “Yep…Anyway, I gotta run but we’ll talk later?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“What’s up Ms. Torres?” Sloan asked, playfully after Christina left.
“Humph. What’s up with you?”
“I know something that’s gonna cheer you up.”
“Oh?” she asked, doubtingly.
“Yes ma’am.” Sloan nodded, looking like a kid with a gift hidden behind his back.
“What is it?”
“You remember my friend Thomas from M.D. News?”
“Yeah,”
“He wants to write an article on you for their next issue.”
“Me?” She asked in surprise.
“Well, on female orthopedic surgeons really. How rare you guys are, etc.”
“Niiiice.”
“He wants you to be the star baby.” He bumped her shoulder with his. “Gonna call you this week, I gave him your number.”
“Ooh. Me like, thanks Mark.”
“You’re welcome…Feeling better?”
She chuckled, “A little.”
“Good,” he smiled. “What’s wrong with you anyway? Other than your weekly ‘Erica drama’?”
She sighed, “Other than that, I’m good.”
“Figures.” He said, “I thought things were looking up.”
“They were-they are. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.” She shrugged, leaning onto the station.
“Don’t think. You’re thinking too much, that’s your problem.”
“You think?”
“Yeah. Just get a room and do it already.”
“Who said anything about doing it?”
“Oh please, who are you kidding?”
Callie couldn’t reply to that. Instead she hushed him and tried to concentrate on her file. Before she could read more than two sentences however, Sloan nudged her with an elbow.
“There she goes now.”
“Who?”
“Lucy,” said Sloan, motioning behind her.
She quickly turned around to see Erica walking down the hall to the other side of the building. But no, she wouldn’t be getting away this time, not if Callie could help it.
“Don’t call her that.” She said and rushed after her.
“Erica! Erica, hey.”
Erica slowed to a stop after quite a few steps and half-committedly turned towards her.
“Yes?”
“I’ve been looking all over for you.” Callie said, sounding breathless.
“Why is that?”
She sounded cool and distant; her front fully in place. Callie felt herself tense at her tone.
“Um, I wanted to talk to you.”
“What about?”
Everything in her body language was telling Callie to back off, but ignoring the signals Callie pushed forward. They needed to talk.
“Do you have time for a cup of coffee or something?”
“I don’t; I’m sorry.” She said sounding anything but sorry.
“Oh.” Callie fidgeted, “How about later?”
“What is this concerning?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, feeling unsure and hesitant.
“Is it regarding a patient, or hospital business of any kind?”
“Um.” Callie felt herself begin to sweat, “Not exactly.”
“Then I’m afraid it’s gonna have to wait.”
“What if I make an appointment?” Callie joked, trying to lighten up the mood. Though, upon seeing Erica’s blank stare she quickly regretted it. It was safe to say that Erica’s sense of humor was far far away.
“Feel free to check in with my secretary for an opening.” Erica said after a moment, “though I doubt she’ll be able to tell you differently.”
“Your secretary?” Callie asked, disbelievingly.
“Yes.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes.” She said and as though that was the perfect end to their conversation, turned to walk away.
“Erica!” Callie cried, shocked by her ridiculously fake demeanor.
Erica stopped and very slowly turned her head, “Was there something else Dr. Torres?” she asked as though talking with her was leaving a bad taste in her mouth. She sounded so condescending and above it all that Callie felt a burst of anger ignite in the pit of her stomach. Who was she to dismiss her? Who did she think she was?
Her shock promptly replaced with fury, she took a step back and, looking her up and down, slowly shook her head.
“No.” she spit out, “Apparently not.”
* * * * * * *
It was one in the morning and Callie’s shift had just ended.
She walked into the on-call room and closed the door behind her. Later she would look back on this moment and realize that had she locked the door or even simply turned on the light in the room, she might have avoided what came next. But then she didn’t know this and she did not do those things.
Instead, she walked into the far end of the room and took out her clothes from her bag. Then, she pushed off her sneakers with her toes, pulled off the navy scrubs she was wearing and threw them over the bars by the foot of the bed. As she did this, her wrist hit the corner of the bar and her bracelet came free, falling onto the floor.
She had just knelt down to pick it up when the door suddenly opened to let someone in. Though she wasn’t one to mind being almost naked in front of others, she still didn’t wish to be so in front of just anyone, so she did the first thing that came to mind. She held still, her crouched body already hidden to view behind the bunk bed, and waited.
Footsteps came closer and then the bed made a creaking noise, letting her know that the new occupant of the room had just sat down on it. Callie slowly stole a glance and felt her breath catch in her throat.
Erica, of all people, was sitting on the bottom half of the bunk bed right in front of her. She leaned forward, resting her head in her hands and sighed. She looked exhausted, drained.
Callie knew that she was prying on a private moment but she couldn’t pull her eyes away. Seeing Erica unguarded and vulnerable had always been addictive to Callie and this time was no different.
Almost a minute passed in silence. This was going to be more awkward than flashing a stranger Callie realized with each passing second but unfortunately it could not be avoided. Sooner or later she was going to have to get up and the longer she waited, the more awkward it was going to be when Erica noticed her. With that in mind, she tried to reach for her jeans, hoping to at least get them on before making her presence known to Erica, a task she failed miserably when her belt buckle rattled loudly in the move.
Erica jumped off the bed in alarm and turned on the lights.
“Is someone there?”
“Erica.” Callie croaked, poking her head out, looking as apologetic as she could manage.
“Jesus Callie! You scared me half to death.”
“Sorry.”
“What are you doing there?”
“I was-“
“Oh god, I didn’t realize,” she gasped, catching glimpses of naked flesh, when Callie finally inched forward and came out of her hiding.
“I’m sorry, I’ll go…” Erica said, looking around the room in reflex and then shaking her head self-beratingly and closing her eyes. She scrunched up her face trying not to see anything and hurried towards the door.
“No, wait!” Callie cried, halting Erica’s steps. “I’m alone!”
Erica paused by the door, head hanging low. The way she blew out her breath confirmed that Callie had been right in her suspicion. Erica had thought that there was someone else in there with her.
“Please stay,”
After a long moment of silence, Erica lifted her head up and turned back to face her.
“I was just changing, I-I thought you’d left,” Callie mumbled, picking up her jeans, feeling extremely self-conscious under Erica’s un-breaking gaze.
“No, I was…” Erica cleared her throat, looking straight at her, “no.”
“I’ll be out of here in two minutes and you can have the room,”
Erica nodded, “Hot date?” she asked, through tight lips, anger flashing momentarily across her face.
Callie halted her fingers on the buttons of her jeans. “It’s one in the morning,”
“Right.” Erica looked away, her brows knitted, her face flushed.
She looked like she was fighting an internal battle, like she couldn’t decide if she wanted to be nice or mean to Callie; like she couldn’t decide if she wanted to look at or away from Callie.
They had to talk about the other day, about Jane. They had to talk about a lot of things, Callie remembered. She pulled on her shirt and, before buttoning it, took a step forward. “Erica?”
Erica looked up, hearing her name and then down again, her eyes slowly roaming all over Callie’s form, from her bare feet to her legs, from her hands hanging freely on her sides to her barely concealed belly. And finally from her black bra that left absolutely nothing to the imagination to her eyes, her eyes traveled. She swallowed once and squeaked, “Yes?” and took a step back in reflex. Her back hit the door and she looked trapped for a moment, and then looking like she wasn’t sure if she had spoken out loud before, repeated, sounding hoarse, “Yes?”
Callie didn’t know what made her do it, when there was already so much tension in the room, when she was already feeling hot and bothered just by having Erica look at her, but she took another step forward to stand right in front of her. Feeling her pulse ring in her ears and breathing heavily, she gasped, “You okay?”
Erica nodded slowly, her mouth falling open. Her eyes falling on Callie’s lips, as Callie’s fell on hers. They were standing very close, too close; Callie realized when she felt Erica’s warm breath on her face.
“Long…long day…I…” Erica trailed off, licking her lips. Her face looking as helpless as it had looked when she had touched her shoulder. More.
Then out of nowhere Callie had a name for what she was seeing on Erica’s face. She had seen it there before, be it a long time ago, and recognized it for what it was; desire. She licked her own dry lips at the realization, looking deeply into half dilated-blue eyes and drowning in them.
She tried to hold still but felt herself come closer inch by inch, like she was being pulled in by invisible strings.
“Don’t,” Erica gasped, looking more powerless by the second.
“What?” Callie breathed, feeling drunk with her smell-peaches- her eyes narrowing on their own, getting lost in Erica and trying for words, “What shouldn’t I…” she trailed off, resting her forehead against Erica’s, her lips a breath away from hers, breathing her in.
“I can’t…”Erica whimpered, closing her eyes, shaking her head, looking like she was in pain, “stop.” And then suddenly, she was kissing Callie. Callie’s shirt balled up in her fists, Erica was pulling her in and kissing her, in hunger, in starvation; licking, sucking, biting. A strangled noise broke free in the back of someone’s throat. Both were too far gone to care who.
Then, as though the battle inside Erica had suddenly come to an end, she was grasping Callie’s arms to reverse their positions so that now Callie was trapped against the door.
The kisses were wet, sloppy, and dominating and they were getting more and more heated as other body parts started getting involved.
Callie went with it at first, clinging to the feeling of ecstasy, of being able to touch Erica again, to taste her but then somewhere in the back of her head she heard the tiny voice that said this was wrong and tried to calm down. A notion that was becoming impossible with each passing second. “Erica,” she whispered, pulling back. Erica leaned forward and recaptured her lips, resting her weight on Callie as Callie’s back settled firmly on the door. Swallowing her words, she lodged her knee between Callie’s thighs. Callie couldn’t help the moan that escaped her throat, as their thighs intertwined.
“Yess,” Erica hissed, sucking and licking her throat, one of her hands on Callie’s ass, the other on her breast, kneading urgently.
It was too quick, too rough, too much.
“Wait,” She gasped trying to get her attention, pulling back, trying to look into her eyes. But the more Callie pulled back, the more Erica came forward and their eyes did not meet.
Callie could feel her body becoming boneless under Erica’s attentions, but her mind wasn’t playing along.
“Err...we have to stop” Callie groaned as Erica, looking famished and predatory, started a decent down her body with her lips.
“Erica,” she breathed.
When Erica, mindless, fell onto her knees and cupped Callie’s breasts with both of her hands, Callie threw her head back in reflex and gasped, “Oh God.”
She couldn’t think, she could hardly breathe. She was two seconds away from losing control, but then Erica kissed her belly and unbuckled her belt and freed the buttons of her pants and pulled on her panties with her teeth and Callie remembered.
This was Erica about to go down on her. They had barely done that when they were together. This wasn’t some one night stand, some quickie in the on-call room. This was Erica for Christ’s sake.
Before she could get any further, Callie forcefully pushed on Erica’s shoulders and moved out of her reach.
“WHAT?” Erica cried, falling back on her ass, looking up with wide, dilated eyes. She was rubbing her bottom, where it had made rough contact with the floor.
“No. Not like this, not with you.” Callie gasped, trembling, covering her eyes with her palm, trying to get her breathing under control.
“Why not me? The way I heard it, you fuck every woman that crosses your path.” Erica snapped, standing up, breathing heavily, her face flushed with unstated arousal and annoyance.
Callie felt her stomach drop. She took a deep breath, trying to steady her pulse.
“Don’t be mean Erica.”
“I’m not being mean. Seriously, I’m curious; I want to know why you can screw all of them but not me.”
Callie turned away from her, walking into the room, trying to put some distance between them.
“I mean, you’re the talk of the corridors. Your date and tell list reads like a book. Is there actually anyone left in the hospital you haven’t slept with?”
“Stop it,” Callie begged. She couldn’t believe what was happening; she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. And the worse part was that Erica looked like her words were hurting her more than they were hurting Callie, and yet she wouldn’t stop speaking.
“Tell me,” Erica insisted, following her, her voice rising with each word.
Callie shook her head, feeling trapped, not wanting to speak when she couldn’t control herself. Erica grabbed hold of her arm and shouted, “Tell me damn it, why them and not me?”
“Because you could break me!” Callie cried finally, her eyes wild, throwing daggers. “You’ve done it before.”
Erica let go of her arm, taking a step back involuntarily. Breathing heavily, watching her through wide eyes.
After a moment of studying her, her face went sour and she barked out, “Hah!” A single, harsh syllable of laughter.
“You think that’s funny?”
“What did I ever do to you?
“You left!” Callie shot out. Erica bowed her head.
“One disagreement, one issue at work and you were gone. Just like that.”
Erica looked up sharply, her eyes darkening in an instant.
“One argument with the chief, over Stevens of all people, and you left.”
“Don’t be stupid Callie; I didn’t leave because of Stevens. I left the hospital because of that. Not you.”
“What are you saying Erica, that you didn’t want me?”
Erica laughed out loud then. Shaking her head, looking like this was the funniest thing in the world, her laughter sounding loud and maniacal as it echoed through the walls of the on-call room.
“That’s just it,” She said still chuckling. “It’s the opposite.” She took a deep breath and suddenly her whole demeanor changed; sobered, looking small and fragile, she breathed, “You didn’t want me.”
She turned her back to Callie, took a few steps towards the door and stopped, looking down at the floor.
“You slept with Sloan. After we made love, and I told you that you changed my life, you went and slept with Sloan.” She looked over her shoulder to meet Callie’s eyes- her own eyes filling with unshed tears- and smiled sadly, “Twice...I know you may not have been ready, or you were scared or whatever… But I was there; I was all the way there for you. And you Callie, you didn’t break me, you shattered me.”
She took the final step and reached the door. Right before she opened it and walked out, she whispered, without looking back;
“And the sad joke is, after all this time, you still can.”
* * * * * * * *
Author: Bella Taggart
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Summary: 3 Years have passed since the day Erica Hahn walked out of Callie Torres's life. When professional life brings them back together, they must figure out how and if they fit into each other’s lives, after all this time…
What to expect: Angst, passion and most of all, love.
Pairing: Callie/Erica eventually...
Rating: NC-17 just to be safe
Spoiler: Through s5e7 (Rise Up)
Archiving: Only with the permission of the author
Note: Thank you so much to callicafan4eva for the great beta work.
Feedback: Please :) You can reach me at bellataggart@gmail.com
Disclaimer: All characters, events, settings and situations mentioned in this work are sole property of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, in constitutes fair use. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be defamatory or factual in anyway.
After All This Time
By Bella Taggart
Part 13
Callie tried to see Erica that night, after her coffee with Jane, and when she couldn’t; she tried the next morning too. But, all her efforts of trying to locate her proved to be fruitless.
After spending the next two days trying to find a suddenly invisible Erica, Callie’s mood had plummeted, and whatever fleeting glee she had felt at the notion of reaching a non-hostile common ground with her had disappeared.
The few times she had caught glimpses of her had been of her quickly retreating back and in all honesty, as much as she appreciated the view, Callie was growing tired of the angle.
She had to be avoiding her; there could be no other explanation.
She walked up to the nurses’ station and slumped next to Christina, “Hey.”
Christina gave her a sideway glance, raised a single eyebrow, and went back to her scribbling. “You look happy.”
“Hmm,” She picked up her next case file, and started flipping through it. “Have you seen Hahn?”
“She was in my surgery this morning.” Christina replied absentmindedly.
“What?” Callie felt her blood rushing, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Huh?”
“You should have called and told me!”
“And once again with the ‘huh’?”
“I’ve been looking for her.” Callie grumbled.
“You wanted me to call you to say that she was scrubbing in on my bypass?”
“Yes. I mean no…”
“What’s going on Cal?” she said finally, closing her folder and turning fully to her.
“It’s nothing, I’m sorry. It’s just I’ve been looking for her for like two days and it’s driving me a little crazy.”
“I see that.” Christina said, nodding.
“She’s avoiding me on purpose.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Where is she then?” She asked, sure that she was right.
“Has something happened? Like between you guys?”
“No,” she said firmly, “That’s not it. We were just getting on speaking terms, you know…and well we were speaking and, let’s just say there was a misunderstanding.”
“What kind of misunderstanding?”
“It’s not important; I just have to see her.”
“See who?” Sloan interrupted, suddenly appearing beside them.
“Erica.” Callie clarified, “Have you seen her?”
“She was just here, like ten minutes ago.”
“Great.” Callie mumbled, “Everyone’s seen her except me…She is sooo avoiding me.”
“If she is, you’re lucky because she’s got something stuck up her ass today.” Sloan said, “I mean it, whatever it is that you need, wait till tomorrow.”
“That’s actually true.” Christina agreed, “She was pretty cold this morning, like she had one of the interns in tears kind of cold.”
“Really?” Callie asked tentatively, feeling oddly better at the idea that she might be feeling as crappy as herself.
Christina nodded, “Yep…Anyway, I gotta run but we’ll talk later?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“What’s up Ms. Torres?” Sloan asked, playfully after Christina left.
“Humph. What’s up with you?”
“I know something that’s gonna cheer you up.”
“Oh?” she asked, doubtingly.
“Yes ma’am.” Sloan nodded, looking like a kid with a gift hidden behind his back.
“What is it?”
“You remember my friend Thomas from M.D. News?”
“Yeah,”
“He wants to write an article on you for their next issue.”
“Me?” She asked in surprise.
“Well, on female orthopedic surgeons really. How rare you guys are, etc.”
“Niiiice.”
“He wants you to be the star baby.” He bumped her shoulder with his. “Gonna call you this week, I gave him your number.”
“Ooh. Me like, thanks Mark.”
“You’re welcome…Feeling better?”
She chuckled, “A little.”
“Good,” he smiled. “What’s wrong with you anyway? Other than your weekly ‘Erica drama’?”
She sighed, “Other than that, I’m good.”
“Figures.” He said, “I thought things were looking up.”
“They were-they are. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.” She shrugged, leaning onto the station.
“Don’t think. You’re thinking too much, that’s your problem.”
“You think?”
“Yeah. Just get a room and do it already.”
“Who said anything about doing it?”
“Oh please, who are you kidding?”
Callie couldn’t reply to that. Instead she hushed him and tried to concentrate on her file. Before she could read more than two sentences however, Sloan nudged her with an elbow.
“There she goes now.”
“Who?”
“Lucy,” said Sloan, motioning behind her.
She quickly turned around to see Erica walking down the hall to the other side of the building. But no, she wouldn’t be getting away this time, not if Callie could help it.
“Don’t call her that.” She said and rushed after her.
“Erica! Erica, hey.”
Erica slowed to a stop after quite a few steps and half-committedly turned towards her.
“Yes?”
“I’ve been looking all over for you.” Callie said, sounding breathless.
“Why is that?”
She sounded cool and distant; her front fully in place. Callie felt herself tense at her tone.
“Um, I wanted to talk to you.”
“What about?”
Everything in her body language was telling Callie to back off, but ignoring the signals Callie pushed forward. They needed to talk.
“Do you have time for a cup of coffee or something?”
“I don’t; I’m sorry.” She said sounding anything but sorry.
“Oh.” Callie fidgeted, “How about later?”
“What is this concerning?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, feeling unsure and hesitant.
“Is it regarding a patient, or hospital business of any kind?”
“Um.” Callie felt herself begin to sweat, “Not exactly.”
“Then I’m afraid it’s gonna have to wait.”
“What if I make an appointment?” Callie joked, trying to lighten up the mood. Though, upon seeing Erica’s blank stare she quickly regretted it. It was safe to say that Erica’s sense of humor was far far away.
“Feel free to check in with my secretary for an opening.” Erica said after a moment, “though I doubt she’ll be able to tell you differently.”
“Your secretary?” Callie asked, disbelievingly.
“Yes.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes.” She said and as though that was the perfect end to their conversation, turned to walk away.
“Erica!” Callie cried, shocked by her ridiculously fake demeanor.
Erica stopped and very slowly turned her head, “Was there something else Dr. Torres?” she asked as though talking with her was leaving a bad taste in her mouth. She sounded so condescending and above it all that Callie felt a burst of anger ignite in the pit of her stomach. Who was she to dismiss her? Who did she think she was?
Her shock promptly replaced with fury, she took a step back and, looking her up and down, slowly shook her head.
“No.” she spit out, “Apparently not.”
* * * * * * *
It was one in the morning and Callie’s shift had just ended.
She walked into the on-call room and closed the door behind her. Later she would look back on this moment and realize that had she locked the door or even simply turned on the light in the room, she might have avoided what came next. But then she didn’t know this and she did not do those things.
Instead, she walked into the far end of the room and took out her clothes from her bag. Then, she pushed off her sneakers with her toes, pulled off the navy scrubs she was wearing and threw them over the bars by the foot of the bed. As she did this, her wrist hit the corner of the bar and her bracelet came free, falling onto the floor.
She had just knelt down to pick it up when the door suddenly opened to let someone in. Though she wasn’t one to mind being almost naked in front of others, she still didn’t wish to be so in front of just anyone, so she did the first thing that came to mind. She held still, her crouched body already hidden to view behind the bunk bed, and waited.
Footsteps came closer and then the bed made a creaking noise, letting her know that the new occupant of the room had just sat down on it. Callie slowly stole a glance and felt her breath catch in her throat.
Erica, of all people, was sitting on the bottom half of the bunk bed right in front of her. She leaned forward, resting her head in her hands and sighed. She looked exhausted, drained.
Callie knew that she was prying on a private moment but she couldn’t pull her eyes away. Seeing Erica unguarded and vulnerable had always been addictive to Callie and this time was no different.
Almost a minute passed in silence. This was going to be more awkward than flashing a stranger Callie realized with each passing second but unfortunately it could not be avoided. Sooner or later she was going to have to get up and the longer she waited, the more awkward it was going to be when Erica noticed her. With that in mind, she tried to reach for her jeans, hoping to at least get them on before making her presence known to Erica, a task she failed miserably when her belt buckle rattled loudly in the move.
Erica jumped off the bed in alarm and turned on the lights.
“Is someone there?”
“Erica.” Callie croaked, poking her head out, looking as apologetic as she could manage.
“Jesus Callie! You scared me half to death.”
“Sorry.”
“What are you doing there?”
“I was-“
“Oh god, I didn’t realize,” she gasped, catching glimpses of naked flesh, when Callie finally inched forward and came out of her hiding.
“I’m sorry, I’ll go…” Erica said, looking around the room in reflex and then shaking her head self-beratingly and closing her eyes. She scrunched up her face trying not to see anything and hurried towards the door.
“No, wait!” Callie cried, halting Erica’s steps. “I’m alone!”
Erica paused by the door, head hanging low. The way she blew out her breath confirmed that Callie had been right in her suspicion. Erica had thought that there was someone else in there with her.
“Please stay,”
After a long moment of silence, Erica lifted her head up and turned back to face her.
“I was just changing, I-I thought you’d left,” Callie mumbled, picking up her jeans, feeling extremely self-conscious under Erica’s un-breaking gaze.
“No, I was…” Erica cleared her throat, looking straight at her, “no.”
“I’ll be out of here in two minutes and you can have the room,”
Erica nodded, “Hot date?” she asked, through tight lips, anger flashing momentarily across her face.
Callie halted her fingers on the buttons of her jeans. “It’s one in the morning,”
“Right.” Erica looked away, her brows knitted, her face flushed.
She looked like she was fighting an internal battle, like she couldn’t decide if she wanted to be nice or mean to Callie; like she couldn’t decide if she wanted to look at or away from Callie.
They had to talk about the other day, about Jane. They had to talk about a lot of things, Callie remembered. She pulled on her shirt and, before buttoning it, took a step forward. “Erica?”
Erica looked up, hearing her name and then down again, her eyes slowly roaming all over Callie’s form, from her bare feet to her legs, from her hands hanging freely on her sides to her barely concealed belly. And finally from her black bra that left absolutely nothing to the imagination to her eyes, her eyes traveled. She swallowed once and squeaked, “Yes?” and took a step back in reflex. Her back hit the door and she looked trapped for a moment, and then looking like she wasn’t sure if she had spoken out loud before, repeated, sounding hoarse, “Yes?”
Callie didn’t know what made her do it, when there was already so much tension in the room, when she was already feeling hot and bothered just by having Erica look at her, but she took another step forward to stand right in front of her. Feeling her pulse ring in her ears and breathing heavily, she gasped, “You okay?”
Erica nodded slowly, her mouth falling open. Her eyes falling on Callie’s lips, as Callie’s fell on hers. They were standing very close, too close; Callie realized when she felt Erica’s warm breath on her face.
“Long…long day…I…” Erica trailed off, licking her lips. Her face looking as helpless as it had looked when she had touched her shoulder. More.
Then out of nowhere Callie had a name for what she was seeing on Erica’s face. She had seen it there before, be it a long time ago, and recognized it for what it was; desire. She licked her own dry lips at the realization, looking deeply into half dilated-blue eyes and drowning in them.
She tried to hold still but felt herself come closer inch by inch, like she was being pulled in by invisible strings.
“Don’t,” Erica gasped, looking more powerless by the second.
“What?” Callie breathed, feeling drunk with her smell-peaches- her eyes narrowing on their own, getting lost in Erica and trying for words, “What shouldn’t I…” she trailed off, resting her forehead against Erica’s, her lips a breath away from hers, breathing her in.
“I can’t…”Erica whimpered, closing her eyes, shaking her head, looking like she was in pain, “stop.” And then suddenly, she was kissing Callie. Callie’s shirt balled up in her fists, Erica was pulling her in and kissing her, in hunger, in starvation; licking, sucking, biting. A strangled noise broke free in the back of someone’s throat. Both were too far gone to care who.
Then, as though the battle inside Erica had suddenly come to an end, she was grasping Callie’s arms to reverse their positions so that now Callie was trapped against the door.
The kisses were wet, sloppy, and dominating and they were getting more and more heated as other body parts started getting involved.
Callie went with it at first, clinging to the feeling of ecstasy, of being able to touch Erica again, to taste her but then somewhere in the back of her head she heard the tiny voice that said this was wrong and tried to calm down. A notion that was becoming impossible with each passing second. “Erica,” she whispered, pulling back. Erica leaned forward and recaptured her lips, resting her weight on Callie as Callie’s back settled firmly on the door. Swallowing her words, she lodged her knee between Callie’s thighs. Callie couldn’t help the moan that escaped her throat, as their thighs intertwined.
“Yess,” Erica hissed, sucking and licking her throat, one of her hands on Callie’s ass, the other on her breast, kneading urgently.
It was too quick, too rough, too much.
“Wait,” She gasped trying to get her attention, pulling back, trying to look into her eyes. But the more Callie pulled back, the more Erica came forward and their eyes did not meet.
Callie could feel her body becoming boneless under Erica’s attentions, but her mind wasn’t playing along.
“Err...we have to stop” Callie groaned as Erica, looking famished and predatory, started a decent down her body with her lips.
“Erica,” she breathed.
When Erica, mindless, fell onto her knees and cupped Callie’s breasts with both of her hands, Callie threw her head back in reflex and gasped, “Oh God.”
She couldn’t think, she could hardly breathe. She was two seconds away from losing control, but then Erica kissed her belly and unbuckled her belt and freed the buttons of her pants and pulled on her panties with her teeth and Callie remembered.
This was Erica about to go down on her. They had barely done that when they were together. This wasn’t some one night stand, some quickie in the on-call room. This was Erica for Christ’s sake.
Before she could get any further, Callie forcefully pushed on Erica’s shoulders and moved out of her reach.
“WHAT?” Erica cried, falling back on her ass, looking up with wide, dilated eyes. She was rubbing her bottom, where it had made rough contact with the floor.
“No. Not like this, not with you.” Callie gasped, trembling, covering her eyes with her palm, trying to get her breathing under control.
“Why not me? The way I heard it, you fuck every woman that crosses your path.” Erica snapped, standing up, breathing heavily, her face flushed with unstated arousal and annoyance.
Callie felt her stomach drop. She took a deep breath, trying to steady her pulse.
“Don’t be mean Erica.”
“I’m not being mean. Seriously, I’m curious; I want to know why you can screw all of them but not me.”
Callie turned away from her, walking into the room, trying to put some distance between them.
“I mean, you’re the talk of the corridors. Your date and tell list reads like a book. Is there actually anyone left in the hospital you haven’t slept with?”
“Stop it,” Callie begged. She couldn’t believe what was happening; she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. And the worse part was that Erica looked like her words were hurting her more than they were hurting Callie, and yet she wouldn’t stop speaking.
“Tell me,” Erica insisted, following her, her voice rising with each word.
Callie shook her head, feeling trapped, not wanting to speak when she couldn’t control herself. Erica grabbed hold of her arm and shouted, “Tell me damn it, why them and not me?”
“Because you could break me!” Callie cried finally, her eyes wild, throwing daggers. “You’ve done it before.”
Erica let go of her arm, taking a step back involuntarily. Breathing heavily, watching her through wide eyes.
After a moment of studying her, her face went sour and she barked out, “Hah!” A single, harsh syllable of laughter.
“You think that’s funny?”
“What did I ever do to you?
“You left!” Callie shot out. Erica bowed her head.
“One disagreement, one issue at work and you were gone. Just like that.”
Erica looked up sharply, her eyes darkening in an instant.
“One argument with the chief, over Stevens of all people, and you left.”
“Don’t be stupid Callie; I didn’t leave because of Stevens. I left the hospital because of that. Not you.”
“What are you saying Erica, that you didn’t want me?”
Erica laughed out loud then. Shaking her head, looking like this was the funniest thing in the world, her laughter sounding loud and maniacal as it echoed through the walls of the on-call room.
“That’s just it,” She said still chuckling. “It’s the opposite.” She took a deep breath and suddenly her whole demeanor changed; sobered, looking small and fragile, she breathed, “You didn’t want me.”
She turned her back to Callie, took a few steps towards the door and stopped, looking down at the floor.
“You slept with Sloan. After we made love, and I told you that you changed my life, you went and slept with Sloan.” She looked over her shoulder to meet Callie’s eyes- her own eyes filling with unshed tears- and smiled sadly, “Twice...I know you may not have been ready, or you were scared or whatever… But I was there; I was all the way there for you. And you Callie, you didn’t break me, you shattered me.”
She took the final step and reached the door. Right before she opened it and walked out, she whispered, without looking back;
“And the sad joke is, after all this time, you still can.”
* * * * * * * *