(no subject)
I can honestly say that these last few months have been some of the most difficult of my life. Coming to grips with the reality of my marriage has been, at times, almost more than I can bear.
The last few weeks, since Ed moved back to Ireland, have been the most acutely painful. There have been days I couldn't go to school because I couldn't get out of bed.
I've gotten support from some unexpected people, and I thank everyone for that. And yet, some of the people I always thought had my back have pretty much abandoned me. It hurts almost as much as the end of my marriage hurts. You don't expect your friends to go MIA when you need them the most. And no one expects their friends to go MIA because they think they know better than you do.
I guess it's hard for people who haven't been there to understand all the things that go on in a marriage, and how two people who love each other can fail as a couple. (Every married couple I know will vouch for the fact that you don't know or understand marriage until you've been married) I know we did the right thing, but being the one to make that call adds another dimension to things. Instead of just the sadness, I also get the crushing guilt and the constant second guessing.
Every day I have to remind myself of the reasons we came to this decision. It was a long, painful process to get to this place, and it will be a long process to get out of it too. If someone has a problem with the decisions we or I made, it shows an overestimation of their own understanding on their part.
I want to thank everyone for being patient with me. Like I said, this is one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Some days are better than others. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.
The last few weeks, since Ed moved back to Ireland, have been the most acutely painful. There have been days I couldn't go to school because I couldn't get out of bed.
I've gotten support from some unexpected people, and I thank everyone for that. And yet, some of the people I always thought had my back have pretty much abandoned me. It hurts almost as much as the end of my marriage hurts. You don't expect your friends to go MIA when you need them the most. And no one expects their friends to go MIA because they think they know better than you do.
I guess it's hard for people who haven't been there to understand all the things that go on in a marriage, and how two people who love each other can fail as a couple. (Every married couple I know will vouch for the fact that you don't know or understand marriage until you've been married) I know we did the right thing, but being the one to make that call adds another dimension to things. Instead of just the sadness, I also get the crushing guilt and the constant second guessing.
Every day I have to remind myself of the reasons we came to this decision. It was a long, painful process to get to this place, and it will be a long process to get out of it too. If someone has a problem with the decisions we or I made, it shows an overestimation of their own understanding on their part.
I want to thank everyone for being patient with me. Like I said, this is one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Some days are better than others. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.