Confession
Thank you, so much, Mandy for talking to me til 230 the other night and KT for that comment that really made me smile on a day where everything seems to be shot to hell..spent 4 hours getting my hair done and i despise it because its darker than it started with (so much for being lighter for summer), then a nive conversation led to me driving home bawling, almost getting hit by not one but two trains, and me getting home from uptown park ridge in about 10 minutes, getting all the red lights. Daniela does not normally speed. Some thoughts on KT's xanga that I enjoyed:
"Life has been rough for the past week or so, but I'll make it through. I always do. Although I can't help wondering about things. About how it isn't fair to love someone completely only to have them return a kind of love, but not the love you gave. It's hollow and is some how worse than being flat-out rejected. It's eats you inside out; you can't sleep, walk, talk, and eating is out of the question. It's not that you don't want to eat; there's hunger and the realization that you *need* to eat, but you simply don't have the will. Food doesn't taste the same, doesn't smell the same. Charlie Brown was right,
"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." "
Except for the eating part...seems like lately when these things happen the first thing i reach for is food...could be why the prom diet has become pretty much barely existent...the sad part is, i just keep thinking "what's the point?" and yes katie you are absolutely right...that hollow love worse than being flat out rejected just absolutely kills. now for me, when I've been with someone for so long, been through so much with this person, and waited 9 months to be able to see him for more than three days...and now I'm doubting he wants to see me, talk to me, know about me...when you get the thoughts i did today driving home (the driving had a key element in the thoughts), something's just not right. When everyday feels like a struggle, like a mystery, when it's no longer anticipating the 8 o clock call but wondering if he remembers you today and if he even feels like saying two words to you...when car rides are silent and its uncomfortable again, when you try your goddamned hardest to swallow your problems and smile because otherwise you know hes not even gonna look at you twice, when you work on getting ready and looking cute for two hours and all you get are a couple of kisses and not much of anything back, how do you expect someone to feel? Going from the top of the priorities list to god knows where, although the feeling i get is last is tough. but when its someone you love with all your heart and were so scared to fall for, but then told yourself no this ones worth it...to find out that hey, your hearts gonna get broken anyway you moron....now you know part of why ive been walking around, saying mean shit to people that i dont mean, looking and acting the way i have...because of that feeling that i just can't shake...feeling like I'm nothing to him...
"Life has been rough for the past week or so, but I'll make it through. I always do. Although I can't help wondering about things. About how it isn't fair to love someone completely only to have them return a kind of love, but not the love you gave. It's hollow and is some how worse than being flat-out rejected. It's eats you inside out; you can't sleep, walk, talk, and eating is out of the question. It's not that you don't want to eat; there's hunger and the realization that you *need* to eat, but you simply don't have the will. Food doesn't taste the same, doesn't smell the same. Charlie Brown was right,
"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." "
Except for the eating part...seems like lately when these things happen the first thing i reach for is food...could be why the prom diet has become pretty much barely existent...the sad part is, i just keep thinking "what's the point?" and yes katie you are absolutely right...that hollow love worse than being flat out rejected just absolutely kills. now for me, when I've been with someone for so long, been through so much with this person, and waited 9 months to be able to see him for more than three days...and now I'm doubting he wants to see me, talk to me, know about me...when you get the thoughts i did today driving home (the driving had a key element in the thoughts), something's just not right. When everyday feels like a struggle, like a mystery, when it's no longer anticipating the 8 o clock call but wondering if he remembers you today and if he even feels like saying two words to you...when car rides are silent and its uncomfortable again, when you try your goddamned hardest to swallow your problems and smile because otherwise you know hes not even gonna look at you twice, when you work on getting ready and looking cute for two hours and all you get are a couple of kisses and not much of anything back, how do you expect someone to feel? Going from the top of the priorities list to god knows where, although the feeling i get is last is tough. but when its someone you love with all your heart and were so scared to fall for, but then told yourself no this ones worth it...to find out that hey, your hearts gonna get broken anyway you moron....now you know part of why ive been walking around, saying mean shit to people that i dont mean, looking and acting the way i have...because of that feeling that i just can't shake...feeling like I'm nothing to him...