(no subject)

[bellasdead]

Thanksgiving's done with. It was actually pretty okay, for once. We all sat outside. It was me, my two brothers (Joel and Wilson, mom, dad, my grandma, tina, Carl and Susan Brazelle, and the Doucets. We ate turkey and rolls and green beans and pie and all this other stuff. Joel and i were playing guitars inside and it was so much fun. My dad wanted us to play for all of our guests. I did what i always do and refused because i always feel stupid when i play for people. Joel's the one who impresses people. He's the genius. I'm just the backup to his incredible lead. I do it because i have fun doing it and bonding with him and some of the songs are pretty challenging for me to play, but as soon as i'm asked to do it for anyone else, i get all weird about it. ANyway, he and i started playing out in the yard while everyone was drinking coffee and socializing but we were off to the side, so i wasn't being shy. Wilson comes up with the violin and he and Joel start playing all these fast, swing songs. Joel's calling out the chords for me to follow but it's so fast. I get frustrated and subtly slip back inside to tend to my computer. It just makes me so upset. Music is a big deal in my family, more than anything. They're all musicians, and Joel is, like, the Albert Einstein of everything to do with music. For a living, he builds and sells guitars and is also a professional musician. Any instrument he touches sounds perfect and he can figure out any song within minutes. The rest of my family is similar. We've all got a good ear and a knack for playing music. However, i choose to focus more on art and i play guitar as a side thing. I do fingerpicking stuff and i love it. I love playing with Joel, too, but when anyone else tries to join it's just too overwhelming and upsetting. Then, they ask me to play for them and i'm thinking, "Why? You know you just want to hear Joel play. I'm nothing spectacular. He's the one you'll be excited about once you hear him." And then i retire to my "cave", as Wilson calls it, so that i can write depressing updates on my fucking LiveJournal. Whoo.

I hate this holiday. It's just another oppurtunity for me to be put to shame by my family. It's not their fault. When Sarah lived here, she made me miserable on purpose. Joel and Wilson and i get along great and i love them more than anyone. It just makes me sad sometimes that they're so amazing and i'm just the artist who hides in her room.

I guess i'm just sensitive. Plus, i'm starting to get paranoid, doubtful thoughts about someone....

Turkey must make me sad. Haha