sovereign.
..my son, he stands there and he says, i want one. And i'm like, no no no, we're leaving. we're going. And he's like, but i waaant one. And i'm like noo. it's got like this cord and it's got this strap thing. it'd get all like tangled. no, no. we gotta go. He's like, buut i waaant ooone.
Now, a couple weeks before this, we had been at this school near our house and on the playground, somebody had left some kickballs, probably from recess or something. And so, we had been throwing and kicking around these kickballs with my boys. And my wife and i had commented on how we oughta go get the boys a kickball. i mean, every boy needs a kickball, right? And so earlier that day, we had decided, y'know after we leave the mall let's go across the street to the sporting goods store and lets get the boys a kickball. But right now my son is standing there at the kiosk saying, i want one i want one and by now my wife and i have probably walked fifty feet down the mall from the kiosk and my son is standing there. And he looks up at, what to him is this massive wall of toys and he says, but i neeeed it. And so me, in a moment of sheer parental brillance, decide that i'm going to reason with a two-and-a-half year old from fifty feet away. So i start laying out my case. Like you don't understand, it's going to get wrapped around your wrist, it's not gonna work, it's gonna break, it's gonna fly, it's gonna hit you, it's not gonna.... And he just looks at me with this look, maybe you've seen this before, he just looks at me with this look like: But i thought you said you looooved me... And i'm like, don't do this to me! And i'm sure the salesperson is thinkin' like tightwad dad, like loosen up. it's like seven bucks and your kid's havin' a break-down here. And so i have to walk all the way back and under great protest i have to pick him up and carry him out to the car.
(KICKBALL NOOMA video R.Bell)
i am SO that two-and-a-half year old kid. i've listened to this about a two million-and-a-half times, and even used it to start off a lesson with the kids. It's been around since October 2003. Y'know how you can hear something over and over and over again and then one day it sucker-punches you, right where it should? Yeah. Under great protest, i'm relieved to know that there is a God who sees, even just a few moments ahead, to what i don't see, in order to put up with my tantrum of what i think i want and what i think i need right here and right now. And not only to 'put up with' a tantrum, but to pick me up and carry me away from something that is entirely wrong, at the prospect of knowing there's something/someone better ahead. And i'm upset and crying and a mess, and he holds onto me to transfer me from a version of what i seek, towards what He's already planned as valuable GIFT to me. And what am i looking at? The wall of toys or my Father carrying me?