(no subject)
This week hasn't turned out as relaxing as I'd hoped. I mean, I'm sitting here in one of my favourite satin gowns and should be feeling happy and excited as it's a gorgeously cool morning with sunlight dappling the leaves on the balcony and some plans for this afternoon. But the plans are half busy work, which seems more pointless as time passes, and the heat is supposed to return today/tomorrow after a brief respite of decent temperatures (especially for Kansas in July). Part of my dissatisfaction stems from getting blown off? forgotten? last night and the restlessness that follows. Sleeping with the windows open should have been a guaranteed good sleep, but I tossed and threw pillows and ended up with almost six hours instead of the 8-9 I was hoping for. No comment this morning, so the concern gets to mount while I wait to hear if there was some emergency or just scatterbrained inconsideration.
I've gotten some stuff done, most of it frustrating. The new computer is here, but only partly happy since it has the wrong software bundled with it, and that really peeves me. Dell wasn't too efficient with the disconnected floppy drive, so I'm dreading trying to get the other corrected. I'd rather send it back and give it up, but I know that is the whole minimalist pissy thing and "wanting too much that I can't have, so why bother having anything?" attitude.
The only good thing (ignoring broken needles, bad tension wheels, and general work) is that Monday I decided not to fritter away the whole week by only reading so I pulled out that quilt that I've been ignoring for several months. I've finished the squares finally, even decided to enlarge the quilt by one column plus one row. I'm ready to piece the top together finally, and hopefully the machine will last long enough to finish this damned project before retiring.
When I pulled out my notes to recalculate the added length and width of the quilt, I found a list made several months ago. I'd asked Fate to list five things I brought to the friendship or contributed to their life. The response (in no order) was insight, occasional good humour, reliability, sensuality, and comfort. Upon finding it again I am still surprised that some of those made the list; either that the qualities were recognised in the first place or that they were valued by Fate. I wonder, would the answers be the same today? Things have been so erratic lately I don't see appreciation for some of these things, or even room to bring it to the table. Or maybe I'm just feeling crowded because there's so much unspoken right now that is cramping my style- I can't be myself without risking some major fight with the unpredictability of uncommon reactions.
Uggh, I just wish it could be easy for awhile. Not everything, of course, I'm not irrational. But one area should be smooth to allow some respite from the other struggles, instead of fighting battles on all fronts and merely losing ground.
I've gotten some stuff done, most of it frustrating. The new computer is here, but only partly happy since it has the wrong software bundled with it, and that really peeves me. Dell wasn't too efficient with the disconnected floppy drive, so I'm dreading trying to get the other corrected. I'd rather send it back and give it up, but I know that is the whole minimalist pissy thing and "wanting too much that I can't have, so why bother having anything?" attitude.
The only good thing (ignoring broken needles, bad tension wheels, and general work) is that Monday I decided not to fritter away the whole week by only reading so I pulled out that quilt that I've been ignoring for several months. I've finished the squares finally, even decided to enlarge the quilt by one column plus one row. I'm ready to piece the top together finally, and hopefully the machine will last long enough to finish this damned project before retiring.
When I pulled out my notes to recalculate the added length and width of the quilt, I found a list made several months ago. I'd asked Fate to list five things I brought to the friendship or contributed to their life. The response (in no order) was insight, occasional good humour, reliability, sensuality, and comfort. Upon finding it again I am still surprised that some of those made the list; either that the qualities were recognised in the first place or that they were valued by Fate. I wonder, would the answers be the same today? Things have been so erratic lately I don't see appreciation for some of these things, or even room to bring it to the table. Or maybe I'm just feeling crowded because there's so much unspoken right now that is cramping my style- I can't be myself without risking some major fight with the unpredictability of uncommon reactions.
Uggh, I just wish it could be easy for awhile. Not everything, of course, I'm not irrational. But one area should be smooth to allow some respite from the other struggles, instead of fighting battles on all fronts and merely losing ground.