Too much thinking time
This bank holiday weekend has been a very quiet one for me. I was suppose to go to a BBQ today but due to typical bank holiday rain, it has been cancelled.
So I been sat around thinking about things; my life mainly. I am due to turn 28 on Thursday and not really looking forward to it. I guess my life isn't quite where I thought it would be. Of course I assumed I would be settled with someone, on a good career path or living the life of those 4 from Sex and the City. But instead I am single, in an okay job with the council and not getting anywhere near that much sex as they do in New York.
I try not to think about it too much but I do get frustrated that I am single. I feel I have alot to offer the right man if they would let me and I could really make them happy. I am smart, funny, committed, reliable and many other things but most men can't seem to get past the big mouth, big hair and big personality. I also do not have the greatest track record when it comes to men and the type I choose so that might have something to do with it. I just don't want to spend all of my life sat on the shelf. I split up with Luke nearly 2 years ago and haven't really had a proper relationship since which is a bit of a worry. But then I am not always out and about so don't meet new people so therefore never going to find someone that way. I am happy with my single life but the single life can sometimes be a lonely life. I find anything in my life is so much more enjoyable if I have someone to share it with and every now and then I do think that they is a void where that 'special someone' should be. But then am not settling for second best either, so am prepared to wait. I do like the single life apart from the one obvious massive void but the less said about that the better lol. Basically I don't need a man in my life, I just want one.
I have had a few special men in my life and quite often, I end up getting used by them though not always intentionally. There have been boyfriends and then just male friends who have used my good nature, optimism, proactiveness and generousity to their advantage and then moved on. The male friends quite often get girlfriends and then we don't see each other anymore. I guess it is partly my fault for being such an open person but it does leave you wide open for exposure. But I can't change who I am, maybe just have to have faith that some of them might stick around. I so sometimes think that Martyn might disown me one day. I know we are not dating but we are quite close friends and he gets alot of encouragement, advice and support from me and one day, when he does change his ways, he will be gone. Martyn will either meet someone or just move on as he won't need me anymore and that will be that. And there is nothing I can do about it, just hope to God that he does remember me when he goes his way and I am left by myself once more. Of course not all of them leave, but there is often a change in their behaviour when they come to realise that 'Leoni's Services' ar no longer required.
I have been thinking alot about going travelling recently. Completely blowing this joint and going to Thailand, Australia, New Zealand and then who knows and God knows how long for. I just feel that I don't have many ties in Swindon or even England so why don't I do this while I can. I think if I don't I might regret it and I have always promised myself never to live a life of regrets. I have been doing loads of research about this but am now desperate to book it.
Right, I should do something a bit more constructive now. Am annoyed as I wanted to see my friends today and then have cancelled and now doing something that I don't want to do. GGRRR!!!!
So I been sat around thinking about things; my life mainly. I am due to turn 28 on Thursday and not really looking forward to it. I guess my life isn't quite where I thought it would be. Of course I assumed I would be settled with someone, on a good career path or living the life of those 4 from Sex and the City. But instead I am single, in an okay job with the council and not getting anywhere near that much sex as they do in New York.
I try not to think about it too much but I do get frustrated that I am single. I feel I have alot to offer the right man if they would let me and I could really make them happy. I am smart, funny, committed, reliable and many other things but most men can't seem to get past the big mouth, big hair and big personality. I also do not have the greatest track record when it comes to men and the type I choose so that might have something to do with it. I just don't want to spend all of my life sat on the shelf. I split up with Luke nearly 2 years ago and haven't really had a proper relationship since which is a bit of a worry. But then I am not always out and about so don't meet new people so therefore never going to find someone that way. I am happy with my single life but the single life can sometimes be a lonely life. I find anything in my life is so much more enjoyable if I have someone to share it with and every now and then I do think that they is a void where that 'special someone' should be. But then am not settling for second best either, so am prepared to wait. I do like the single life apart from the one obvious massive void but the less said about that the better lol. Basically I don't need a man in my life, I just want one.
I have had a few special men in my life and quite often, I end up getting used by them though not always intentionally. There have been boyfriends and then just male friends who have used my good nature, optimism, proactiveness and generousity to their advantage and then moved on. The male friends quite often get girlfriends and then we don't see each other anymore. I guess it is partly my fault for being such an open person but it does leave you wide open for exposure. But I can't change who I am, maybe just have to have faith that some of them might stick around. I so sometimes think that Martyn might disown me one day. I know we are not dating but we are quite close friends and he gets alot of encouragement, advice and support from me and one day, when he does change his ways, he will be gone. Martyn will either meet someone or just move on as he won't need me anymore and that will be that. And there is nothing I can do about it, just hope to God that he does remember me when he goes his way and I am left by myself once more. Of course not all of them leave, but there is often a change in their behaviour when they come to realise that 'Leoni's Services' ar no longer required.
I have been thinking alot about going travelling recently. Completely blowing this joint and going to Thailand, Australia, New Zealand and then who knows and God knows how long for. I just feel that I don't have many ties in Swindon or even England so why don't I do this while I can. I think if I don't I might regret it and I have always promised myself never to live a life of regrets. I have been doing loads of research about this but am now desperate to book it.
Right, I should do something a bit more constructive now. Am annoyed as I wanted to see my friends today and then have cancelled and now doing something that I don't want to do. GGRRR!!!!