Yet ANOTHER change......
Got a phone call on Wednesday informing me that Sebastian has a place in child care. I put his name down on the list when he was 6 months old, so it only took 8 months for one to arise.
It is only one day a week so far, a Tuesday, which is the best day as that is the day they do music through a program called Hey Dee Ho, which he should love as already he loves music as much as his mum and his dad.
The thing is, I do want Sebastian to do the day care thing, he will LOVE it. He adores being with other kids, and at the moment, the kids he interacts with are mostly older, 4 and a half and upwards. Of course he gets to interact with kids around his own age at swimming on a Thursday morning, but there is some structure to the swimming so it isnt what you would call free play by any means.
It will also be good for him to have some mum free time, as I am with him on a fairly constant basis, naturally when I am work I am not with him, but he still stays in his home, as my mum has him, or my sister. So he has never been left with anyone else for an extended period of time.
To be honest, I am not worried about how he will handle being apart from me, he will thrive in an environment that allows him to be social and has different activities and games, (well as much as you can have games for 14 month olds).
He will eventually be in care for the whole day, and i have spoken to the director of the centre and she understands how I am feeling. I have suffered seperation anxiety in the past, even a 10 minute trip to the shop was an ordeal, although I am much better now. However I do still feel guilty for leaving him. I can justify leaving him so i can go to work...that brings in money that enables me to pay bills, clothe him, feed him and buy him occasional treats, take him on outings and so on. What I struggle with is leaving him so I can do something for me, like go to the gym. I used to be able to take him with me, he was very content to sleep in his pram, or sit in it and watch everyone working out and the staff and fellow gym users would interact with him and entertain him while i did my circuit, and then I would take him with me to do the end of workout stretches and cool down.
The problem began when he was no longer content to just sit and demanded out. It is far to dangerous to let him crawl/walk around while people are using the equipment, not to mention disruptive to them as well. So i started only going when he was asleep, but as these things go, his sleep time during the day does not co-incide with the opening times of the gym. I know my mum or my sister would have him while i went, but i just feel so much guilt for having him looked after while i take some time for me. I know this is silly, everyone is entitled to have something for themselves and everyone is deserving of a break, but i just don't seem to be able to do it without feeling bad.
So the issue I am having is that the day he is in child care, I do not work all day, so i will have a lot of spare time that day without him. People are telling me with a baby on the way that I should use that time to relax and sleep and rest and just potter around, or go shopping .. do things i need to do and so on. Was even suggested that Tuesday should become my regular hair cut day or whatever.. no need to rush/take him with me.
The day care is going to give us an orientation, where he goes and i stay with him for a while, then we go home, we go back a few days later i stay a while, then i leave for half hour or so and go back and extend it out. I think they are doing it mostly to help me get used to time without him. My nephews both went to this day care centre and the director was talking to Jayne about my guilt and ways that she (as in Jayne) might have to ease me into it, given she knows how i think / feel and things that might make me feel less guilt for leaving him there.
Anyway I am very excited for Sebastian. HE is going to get to play, meet other kids, and fulfil the social aspect he loves so much. Me, I am just going to deal with it best I can, and hope by the time school rolls around, I am over this stupid shit.
It is only one day a week so far, a Tuesday, which is the best day as that is the day they do music through a program called Hey Dee Ho, which he should love as already he loves music as much as his mum and his dad.
The thing is, I do want Sebastian to do the day care thing, he will LOVE it. He adores being with other kids, and at the moment, the kids he interacts with are mostly older, 4 and a half and upwards. Of course he gets to interact with kids around his own age at swimming on a Thursday morning, but there is some structure to the swimming so it isnt what you would call free play by any means.
It will also be good for him to have some mum free time, as I am with him on a fairly constant basis, naturally when I am work I am not with him, but he still stays in his home, as my mum has him, or my sister. So he has never been left with anyone else for an extended period of time.
To be honest, I am not worried about how he will handle being apart from me, he will thrive in an environment that allows him to be social and has different activities and games, (well as much as you can have games for 14 month olds).
He will eventually be in care for the whole day, and i have spoken to the director of the centre and she understands how I am feeling. I have suffered seperation anxiety in the past, even a 10 minute trip to the shop was an ordeal, although I am much better now. However I do still feel guilty for leaving him. I can justify leaving him so i can go to work...that brings in money that enables me to pay bills, clothe him, feed him and buy him occasional treats, take him on outings and so on. What I struggle with is leaving him so I can do something for me, like go to the gym. I used to be able to take him with me, he was very content to sleep in his pram, or sit in it and watch everyone working out and the staff and fellow gym users would interact with him and entertain him while i did my circuit, and then I would take him with me to do the end of workout stretches and cool down.
The problem began when he was no longer content to just sit and demanded out. It is far to dangerous to let him crawl/walk around while people are using the equipment, not to mention disruptive to them as well. So i started only going when he was asleep, but as these things go, his sleep time during the day does not co-incide with the opening times of the gym. I know my mum or my sister would have him while i went, but i just feel so much guilt for having him looked after while i take some time for me. I know this is silly, everyone is entitled to have something for themselves and everyone is deserving of a break, but i just don't seem to be able to do it without feeling bad.
So the issue I am having is that the day he is in child care, I do not work all day, so i will have a lot of spare time that day without him. People are telling me with a baby on the way that I should use that time to relax and sleep and rest and just potter around, or go shopping .. do things i need to do and so on. Was even suggested that Tuesday should become my regular hair cut day or whatever.. no need to rush/take him with me.
The day care is going to give us an orientation, where he goes and i stay with him for a while, then we go home, we go back a few days later i stay a while, then i leave for half hour or so and go back and extend it out. I think they are doing it mostly to help me get used to time without him. My nephews both went to this day care centre and the director was talking to Jayne about my guilt and ways that she (as in Jayne) might have to ease me into it, given she knows how i think / feel and things that might make me feel less guilt for leaving him there.
Anyway I am very excited for Sebastian. HE is going to get to play, meet other kids, and fulfil the social aspect he loves so much. Me, I am just going to deal with it best I can, and hope by the time school rolls around, I am over this stupid shit.