(no subject)
I'm looking at a picture of you, of the boy i once knew. I'm glancing over your face as i remember the way my stomach used to feel. And it's all coming back to me now, the flutterflies, the nervous habits. The fights, the way you would held me. Then i took a few more moments and stopped overlooking the overall display of your face, i started to look at everything in little pieces. I look at your lips, the ones i used to kiss for hours. The ones that kissed my forehead the night that my family just didn't understand. I looked at those, and wondered about her. About Melinda and how much you love her, and how many times you've kissed her. How many times have you have taken her breath away? With the softness of your skin and the perfection of how you wear your cologne, yeah it all comes back to me. It does, and it hurts. Gosh, I wish it didn't hurt this bad, but it does. And i think i'm torturing myself, i don't think it's supposed to hurt this much. It feels like stepping on glass, It feels like wind at your back. Like ice and small movements with your feet, it feels like walking on ice in the tallest high heels. Oh man it hurts, but i continue to remember you, to remember your physical and emotional features. I run my fingers along the ridges of the poloraid, of all i have left of you. Of the only memory that i didn't tear up. I see your nose, the one that gave me an eskimo kiss, the one that would smell my perfume. I see your ears, the ones that would listen to me when i would call you. The same ones that would let me speak at 3:00 in the morning when i just couldn't sleep. I make my way up to your eyes, your beautiful beautiful eyes. The ones that would alter and narrow when looking at me. The pretty brown things that i would gaze into while sitting on your couch. I see them, and i feel my bones shake, a sudden horrid shake. I sit still after forcing relaxation onto myself, i rest my back onto the wooden backing of my chair and i remember. It's hard to remember after a year passing but i do. I think about the night i met you, about how it was so strange and random. I remember how i was too scared to look into your honey-dripped pupils. I remember Courtney's kitchen and how Jimi just glanced at me. I remember talking about football and chewing gum really loud. I remember leaving the room and coming back. I remember awkwardcy in it's finest, i remember the time when i just looked at you. I remember having no hope in us and sort of brushing you off. I remember not caring about our futures but rather the night ahead. I remember feeling your touch for the first time, which brings me to your torso, to everything. To the person that you have become in your nineteen years of living.