Th err is what now?
There comes a point in every single fucking month where i become and irrational shrew. I make bo sense to myself. I feel hated and or forgotten by everyone. Add to that feeling like the definition of failure and the complete inability to look in the mirror and you have a third of the pmdd. Its like a flipped switch. Literally from moment to moment. One moment its all ok and the next im thinking of how and when i can end all this because no one loves me or would be far better off without me. They are what i imagine true madness feels like. In that im trapped in the whirlpool of hormone. Spiraling down with nothing to give me purchase. All the while knowing how awful im being/feeling and being unable to stop it. Its gotten so that i am basically mute for at least 10 days cause i can not trust anything that comes out of my mouth to not be hate filled bile. Thats why im blah blahing on here tonight. The switch got flipped and i went from a quiet still day to being convinced i would be better off gone since no one truly cares for you or your baggage. Why would they? So full up of your bullshit its wonder i can still say i have any friends at all...
That was just a taste of the hate typhoon i go through monthly. Im sorry. Im fighting a brain that just refuses to behave. And it is beyond tiring. Id like to stop battling my body and psyche.