geez.

[belladonnaerror]

who knew stress could get to a person as much as it is me? seriously. i've been so uber stressed lately it's not even funny. it's my own fault but it would have been worse if i hadn't made the decision that i made. i quit my job, for those of you that do not read my blog on myspace (where i normally post from now on) ... i quit my job with dispatch. yeah... sucks. i had to. it was stressing me out WAY too much. it was an okay job but just not for me and i wanted to put in a two week's notice before quitting but i just couldn't. my stress levels were far too high to wait. :( i was having daily panic attacks before work and i had one AT work. :\ it sucked... i was in the bathroom though, so it wasn't like... in front of everyone, thank god. lol. that would have been horrible. but yeah - it wasn't the people there, or anything... but just...the job. it was fine and i was learning everything just great. i did well, i think but i just couldn't get past the fact that my job was to sit and wait on someone to call 911 and deal with their horrid happening. i would sit and wait on that and just keep thinking about what the next call might be. ... too much for kelly. lol. but the way i look at it... at least i tried it, ya know? i tried. i can't say i didn't try... no one can. it just sucks now i'm jobless. if anyone local knows of any places that are hiring... send it my way! i'm looking, hardcore. i'm low on cash and my fiance's car just broke down and it's gonna cost us $200 to fix it. ;\ he's driving mine, for now and we have shitloads of bills waiting to be paid. ;\ including my car payment. ugh... i hate bills. luckily, we've paid rent for january, already... shew. hopefully i'll have a job before feb. rolls around. ;\ i'm trying. but yeah - i dunno. i'm still stressed but now it's not about my job... it's about being jobless. it's not AS stressed as when i worked dispatch but it's bad enough to mess my stomach up and make me feel tired constantly and currently i feel like i have a knot in my throat/chest ... inside. it's odd. i dunno.... ....

i'm in the middle of cleaning up our bedroom and putting away TONS of clothes (since i'm off work i can clean stuff i've never had time to!!) ... so i'm going to go but i thought i'd update on this part of my life now. meh... later, kids. wish me luck. :)

-kel