Hmm long time
I realised today that i have gravely neglected my livejournal riends and that saddens me so here in a quick half an hour of typing in will sum up my goings on in la vie de Moi
Premiere(first) I lost my grandmother on of all days September 11th of this year. And its only been very recent that the sheer lonliness has finally set in. I miss her so much and i hate that i cant accept that she died and she is never coming home from the hospital. I ve never gone a day that she wasnt in my head... My worst nightmare though would be to forget her but i promised her i wont and i wont be sad shes gone because i know that she is in a better place. Strangely My family praying for my grandmother in her last few days with us helped me so muchI realised how much she was leaving and at the same time i realised how much she affected everyone she met.
There is a story that my mother told me before my grams died.
A woman lost the life of her child. In tears she brought the child before the Buddah and begged him to bring back the life of her child. The Buddah thought long and hard about this. He told the woman to go and retrive a Mustard seed from a home that had not experienced death. Quicky the woman searched but soon realised that as she went from home to home that death is a universal part of life. She could not locate one single house that had not experienced what she was going through. In that she learned she could not bring back the life of her child. Saddened she sought the comfort of those she was closest to whom helped her though and strenghtened her.
Well on to happier news. I am once again dating even after i swore off women.
Now to the real reason im blogging here
I really like Tonya i really do but im not sure if im in this realationship because i want to be or if its because she wanted me to be. I cant tell the difference anymore. She scares me because i think she has genuine real feelings for me and im scared she will hurt me like all the rest. But how can i tell her things like that?
I begged my grandmother to guide me into happiness whatever it may be though she liked tonya alot and there must be a good reason for that.
Well i am about to start my vacation and where am i going? of all places: La Crosse to be with my pookie my darling Tonya.
Premiere(first) I lost my grandmother on of all days September 11th of this year. And its only been very recent that the sheer lonliness has finally set in. I miss her so much and i hate that i cant accept that she died and she is never coming home from the hospital. I ve never gone a day that she wasnt in my head... My worst nightmare though would be to forget her but i promised her i wont and i wont be sad shes gone because i know that she is in a better place. Strangely My family praying for my grandmother in her last few days with us helped me so muchI realised how much she was leaving and at the same time i realised how much she affected everyone she met.
There is a story that my mother told me before my grams died.
A woman lost the life of her child. In tears she brought the child before the Buddah and begged him to bring back the life of her child. The Buddah thought long and hard about this. He told the woman to go and retrive a Mustard seed from a home that had not experienced death. Quicky the woman searched but soon realised that as she went from home to home that death is a universal part of life. She could not locate one single house that had not experienced what she was going through. In that she learned she could not bring back the life of her child. Saddened she sought the comfort of those she was closest to whom helped her though and strenghtened her.
Well on to happier news. I am once again dating even after i swore off women.
Now to the real reason im blogging here
I really like Tonya i really do but im not sure if im in this realationship because i want to be or if its because she wanted me to be. I cant tell the difference anymore. She scares me because i think she has genuine real feelings for me and im scared she will hurt me like all the rest. But how can i tell her things like that?
I begged my grandmother to guide me into happiness whatever it may be though she liked tonya alot and there must be a good reason for that.
Well i am about to start my vacation and where am i going? of all places: La Crosse to be with my pookie my darling Tonya.