child-like insanity

[belladonna87]

i cant stand being insane. wut wouldnt i give to be normal for just one day. is it normal for a girl to aspire to be on the suicide girl website? should i want to pose naked for the world? is it normal that i want to sleep with my directors and the majority of my fellow cast members? i want to be heard. i want to standon top of the highest mountain and scream and beat my chest. i wan to swing from vines in the jungle with the amazon women and ceremonily cut off my breast to better my hunt. i want to be a goddess, oiled and fragrent and worshiped by young muscular gods, naked. i want to live in sin and bask in the black lights. i want to role in blacklight paint and beat drums in a club and scream and shout. i want to live, i want to die, become the undead, become reborn. i want to bathe in the black water of stix and become inmortal. i want to make love to greek gods and goddesses. i want to see jesus and buddah and satan. i want to dance naked around a bonfire, howling, high on hallucinagins with the sweat of my ancestors stinging my eyes. i want to kill the ones i hate, hold them in my arms, crooning cough syrup lullabyes as i bottlefeed them strictnine in cream. i want to raise the dead and dance with their rotting corpses in the moonlit graveyard. i want to suck blod from the necks of the young and supple. i want to be revered as a saint, but live as a sinner.
why cant i have it all? am i selfish for wanting happiness. i really am just a vulgar soul looking for a home inside warm host and i want to curl up and die. in peace. i want peace. thats all.