pulled in two directions
Phoned on Monday the office of the German Red Cross, to gain some information about the European volunteer service, I want to do in Britain for a year.
It really would be the best that could happen to me in a long time, if I’ll be accepted. A year abroad, away from home and everything familiar, to make new experiences and meet new challenges, to feel human and alive again, instead of being pulled in two different directions and never being able to really do what I want or need to do, in order to be happy again. Either it’s school with the stupid students and the teachers or it’s work where everyone turns into a monster during that stress and chaos. Can’t do that anymore, will quit it in 2 months, need the time to learn and find myself again…
Suppose that sounds a bit pathetic, but I really am pissed and angry about the current situation of my life, can’t continue to live that way again. Desperately need the break, need to regain my humanity and my compassion…if I would write that sentence in the application essay, they would rather put me in a mental asylum than accept me, I must really sound pathetic and desperate. But I experienced it myself, when I’m at work the distress and disdain is visible in my face and even at school I can’t restrain from making insulting remarks about everything, not to mention the fact that I’m nearly always terribly late, because I prefer to lie in bed and think about the senselessness of work and school.
I mean there are so many reasons to accept me, to give me that job, and I can’t think of any against it, but still I’m doubtful since I don’t know how many other applicants there are and how hard the competition will be. I sometimes come to think that they’d prefer someone worse than me, because I could probably get another place to work at, and they’d choose the other person to give him/her a chance.
Should stop ranting and thinking too much and better get back at the application and its essay, have to convince them…
It really would be the best that could happen to me in a long time, if I’ll be accepted. A year abroad, away from home and everything familiar, to make new experiences and meet new challenges, to feel human and alive again, instead of being pulled in two different directions and never being able to really do what I want or need to do, in order to be happy again. Either it’s school with the stupid students and the teachers or it’s work where everyone turns into a monster during that stress and chaos. Can’t do that anymore, will quit it in 2 months, need the time to learn and find myself again…
Suppose that sounds a bit pathetic, but I really am pissed and angry about the current situation of my life, can’t continue to live that way again. Desperately need the break, need to regain my humanity and my compassion…if I would write that sentence in the application essay, they would rather put me in a mental asylum than accept me, I must really sound pathetic and desperate. But I experienced it myself, when I’m at work the distress and disdain is visible in my face and even at school I can’t restrain from making insulting remarks about everything, not to mention the fact that I’m nearly always terribly late, because I prefer to lie in bed and think about the senselessness of work and school.
I mean there are so many reasons to accept me, to give me that job, and I can’t think of any against it, but still I’m doubtful since I don’t know how many other applicants there are and how hard the competition will be. I sometimes come to think that they’d prefer someone worse than me, because I could probably get another place to work at, and they’d choose the other person to give him/her a chance.
Should stop ranting and thinking too much and better get back at the application and its essay, have to convince them…