It's fun to look at archives
So lately I've been looking at old journal entries I've posted. This is something I've been doing since sophomore year and I love it. It's so entertaining to read my thoughts over the course of the past few years. Sometimes I cringe at the things I've written, sometimes it makes me laugh, but no matter what I get a good peek into my own thoughts about events as they were happening to me.
Then I started looking into this year. I've posted maybe once a month, if that. I've been doing a lot more journaling in my ACTUAL diary, but that will never make it on-line in these collections of entries I've had for about 9 years now. I will make more of an effort to maintain this journal from time to time.
At the moment I'm still just as much of a mess as I always have been. I suppose I'm slowly improving my situation, as compared to the past. I'm proud of what I've done for myself thus far. I am currently living in a 3 story house in Manayunk with a basement and yard. I love my cute little house. It's definitely not somewhere I want to be in my thirties, it's such a dilapidated mess, but I love it right now. It's (hopefully) my transition house. Hopefully by 30, I'll be making enough money to afford a nice place. Hell, hopefully by 30, I'll be married and moved in with my husband.
I work for the Kimmel Center right now, and I've never been happier with a job in my life. I've gotten to do so much since working here. I've seen Broadway shows, Orchestra, Opera, Ballet, and the most amazing dance shows I've ever seen. I like the people I work with and I love working in Center City (so far). I'm eventually going to want to move to a quieter area or a less-stressful city.
I am dating an inmate. Yes, yes I went there. I met him through John and his name is Scott. He is a great guy, and I've loved getting to know him. I love his attitude and outlook about life. We think similarly and want the same things out of life. If he were on the street we'd be together, but he has a long time left to go. Our relationship has been so intense and I feel like I do love him, but the more time that passes, the less intensely I feel about him. I can't wait around for years. I want things out of my life NOW and I know there's someone out there who can give me what I want.
I am also still...dating...Bill. I really don't know what to say about Bill. We are actually dating now. We've been going out on really nice dates the past few times we've gotten together. I saw him in September, January, and July. I wish we could see each other more often. I'm really into Bill, and I always have been. I never let myself picture him in my future because of how we first got together (I had just broken up with Brian) and because we are so far apart. However, I'm finding myself wanting to spend more and more time with him. I just don't know how he feels. I don't know if he'd like me around more, or if he just wants to continue this fling every few months. I know it's a matter of him not being ready for the next step in his life, and honestly neither am I. I do know that I have more fun with Bill than anyone I've ever been around. The sex is the best I've ever had in my life, and I want to keep him. Life with Bill would be an adventure every single day. We would always have a ball together. He would be my best friend. THAT'S the relationship I want.
We'll see. Lately I feel like I should just stop dating altogether. 9 times out of 10 it's just poor decision after poor decision.
I don't know what to do with Scott. I really don't see it working out. I always feel differently when I'm around him, but logically, I don't think it will work. I don't know how to break it to him, and to be honest, I'm not ready to stop writing/visiting him just yet. I love seeing him. I love talking to him. I love having him in my life.
I don't know what to do with Bill. I can see it working out. I can see us being extremely happy. I know that to be with him I'd have to eventually move to Pittsburgh and there's no guarantee it would work out. Then I'd be alone in Pittsburgh. He has claimed in the past that if we were in the same city we'd be together. Maybe I need to find a good job in Pittsburgh and find out if that's really true.
Oh and on a final note, Brian and I finally talked. After 2 years, at Austin's wedding. We had a great time. His girlfriend, Tiara, is really nice. Still weirds me out though, because I will always love him. To hang out with his new girlfriend, to see them together...it's just strange to me.
Then I started looking into this year. I've posted maybe once a month, if that. I've been doing a lot more journaling in my ACTUAL diary, but that will never make it on-line in these collections of entries I've had for about 9 years now. I will make more of an effort to maintain this journal from time to time.
At the moment I'm still just as much of a mess as I always have been. I suppose I'm slowly improving my situation, as compared to the past. I'm proud of what I've done for myself thus far. I am currently living in a 3 story house in Manayunk with a basement and yard. I love my cute little house. It's definitely not somewhere I want to be in my thirties, it's such a dilapidated mess, but I love it right now. It's (hopefully) my transition house. Hopefully by 30, I'll be making enough money to afford a nice place. Hell, hopefully by 30, I'll be married and moved in with my husband.
I work for the Kimmel Center right now, and I've never been happier with a job in my life. I've gotten to do so much since working here. I've seen Broadway shows, Orchestra, Opera, Ballet, and the most amazing dance shows I've ever seen. I like the people I work with and I love working in Center City (so far). I'm eventually going to want to move to a quieter area or a less-stressful city.
I am dating an inmate. Yes, yes I went there. I met him through John and his name is Scott. He is a great guy, and I've loved getting to know him. I love his attitude and outlook about life. We think similarly and want the same things out of life. If he were on the street we'd be together, but he has a long time left to go. Our relationship has been so intense and I feel like I do love him, but the more time that passes, the less intensely I feel about him. I can't wait around for years. I want things out of my life NOW and I know there's someone out there who can give me what I want.
I am also still...dating...Bill. I really don't know what to say about Bill. We are actually dating now. We've been going out on really nice dates the past few times we've gotten together. I saw him in September, January, and July. I wish we could see each other more often. I'm really into Bill, and I always have been. I never let myself picture him in my future because of how we first got together (I had just broken up with Brian) and because we are so far apart. However, I'm finding myself wanting to spend more and more time with him. I just don't know how he feels. I don't know if he'd like me around more, or if he just wants to continue this fling every few months. I know it's a matter of him not being ready for the next step in his life, and honestly neither am I. I do know that I have more fun with Bill than anyone I've ever been around. The sex is the best I've ever had in my life, and I want to keep him. Life with Bill would be an adventure every single day. We would always have a ball together. He would be my best friend. THAT'S the relationship I want.
We'll see. Lately I feel like I should just stop dating altogether. 9 times out of 10 it's just poor decision after poor decision.
I don't know what to do with Scott. I really don't see it working out. I always feel differently when I'm around him, but logically, I don't think it will work. I don't know how to break it to him, and to be honest, I'm not ready to stop writing/visiting him just yet. I love seeing him. I love talking to him. I love having him in my life.
I don't know what to do with Bill. I can see it working out. I can see us being extremely happy. I know that to be with him I'd have to eventually move to Pittsburgh and there's no guarantee it would work out. Then I'd be alone in Pittsburgh. He has claimed in the past that if we were in the same city we'd be together. Maybe I need to find a good job in Pittsburgh and find out if that's really true.
Oh and on a final note, Brian and I finally talked. After 2 years, at Austin's wedding. We had a great time. His girlfriend, Tiara, is really nice. Still weirds me out though, because I will always love him. To hang out with his new girlfriend, to see them together...it's just strange to me.