(no subject)
I thought I saw her today... and for a moment hidden deep inside a part of me cried.
I glanced thrice til I knew it wasn't true and then I walked to the car. Shortly there after there appeared my wife and my heart grinned. There is something beautiful that happens when someone loves you as deeply as you love them. Scary too.
Today the pain was pretty bad. Still I managed to get Kendra to pick out some shoes and I got a small ceramic mixing bowl that I think I can hold to mix things in. Its super cute (white on the outside with a red rim and yellow in side. it also has some sort of pictures on the outside too.) Then we decided to treat ourselves to Outback. Haven't been there in years. Waiter was great and the food ok... somehow not as good as I remembered but not awful either. Ken had to drive us which really says something about how bad I was feeling. I came home messed around on the pc played a little wow did a little fb and then watched some TED vids. Ended up in the bath sometime after 11 and finished out a trash novel. Which brings me to now and here and of course a reflection on my weirdness this afternoon. Earlier wasn't the greatest of days in part because Kendra's mom (an alcoholic) whose calls always seems to leave a nasty feeling striked off one of the rare disagreements that Kendra and I have. What happens is I think she should be more agressive and less passive to her mothers manipulations. Truth is she knows what she is doing (Kendra, I mean) and I need to let her do it. Still I feel as if I've got a target painted on my back and its just a matter of time until her mother starts flinging trash at me. It is really hard to accept being physically and mentally disabled. I really don't like it. I feel like a less person when I know that I am not. The pain has colored things and its hard to fight the constant nagging my body does. I need to find a in door pool/gym asap. I just have to. On a positive note, Kendra and I were able to talk through everything and I really feel loved listened to and understood. I believe I understood her too and I believe that I can show more support, care, love, compassion, friendship really pretty much just be the wonderful me that lol everyone knows I can be and I know everything will be ok.
Well time for bed. Goodnight world...
I glanced thrice til I knew it wasn't true and then I walked to the car. Shortly there after there appeared my wife and my heart grinned. There is something beautiful that happens when someone loves you as deeply as you love them. Scary too.
Today the pain was pretty bad. Still I managed to get Kendra to pick out some shoes and I got a small ceramic mixing bowl that I think I can hold to mix things in. Its super cute (white on the outside with a red rim and yellow in side. it also has some sort of pictures on the outside too.) Then we decided to treat ourselves to Outback. Haven't been there in years. Waiter was great and the food ok... somehow not as good as I remembered but not awful either. Ken had to drive us which really says something about how bad I was feeling. I came home messed around on the pc played a little wow did a little fb and then watched some TED vids. Ended up in the bath sometime after 11 and finished out a trash novel. Which brings me to now and here and of course a reflection on my weirdness this afternoon. Earlier wasn't the greatest of days in part because Kendra's mom (an alcoholic) whose calls always seems to leave a nasty feeling striked off one of the rare disagreements that Kendra and I have. What happens is I think she should be more agressive and less passive to her mothers manipulations. Truth is she knows what she is doing (Kendra, I mean) and I need to let her do it. Still I feel as if I've got a target painted on my back and its just a matter of time until her mother starts flinging trash at me. It is really hard to accept being physically and mentally disabled. I really don't like it. I feel like a less person when I know that I am not. The pain has colored things and its hard to fight the constant nagging my body does. I need to find a in door pool/gym asap. I just have to. On a positive note, Kendra and I were able to talk through everything and I really feel loved listened to and understood. I believe I understood her too and I believe that I can show more support, care, love, compassion, friendship really pretty much just be the wonderful me that lol everyone knows I can be and I know everything will be ok.
Well time for bed. Goodnight world...