Enlightment
It has been a few mnths since I wrote in here....and so much has happened
First the whole thing with Michael fell through (as usual) he is dating some chic that on the surface looks ALOT like me (but she is ugly inside she cant hold a candle to my character) plus she is 25, younger, blah blah blah
I figured this all out when I went AWOL on him when he still had his Myspace page and I got moved over a few notches on his top friends. Come to find out this chic knows my Poodle's sister DM and she filled me in ALLLL about her. So good luck to him cuz from what I was told she is a handful! haha
Anyway..that happened in early Novenmber (actually a few days after I posted my last entry) He and I are friends now, and thats all we are. Though I will admit for some odd reason he still has this amazing hold on my heart and every guy I have gone out with or kissed since him has been a big BLAH..I have felt nothing for anyone. Im hoping this will change soon cuz to be honest I cant take it anymore!
Now on to more pressing news...
Brian lost his battle with Cancer, and on December 7, 2006 he passed away. I will never forget that phonecall from Jenna and how she was sobbing and I just knew....I just knew!! I felt as if the rug had been swept up under me and my entire body was shaking. I sobbed for hours, I sobbed for weeks. His wake was amazing! The line was over 2 blocks long and the funeral home stayed open later so everyone who patiently waited could pay their respects. The funeral was just as large and just as amazing. Even now, almost 3 mnths later its still so very hard to believe he is gone. I think about him everyday, and miss him so very very much.
Yesterday was his 30th bday and I got out of work early so I could go to the cemetery and say Happy Bday. His family was there and some friends. It was an absolutely beautiful experience. Earlier in the day I was chatting with Michael on IM and he said something to me that really struck a cord and made me smile instead of cry when I was at Brian's grave.He said "Stay enlightened....he is your angel"
Brian is my angel, he is all of our angel. We know he watches over us and comes to us in some weird ways now and then.
I am a true believer that EVERYONE comes into your life for a reason...
Brian came into mine as a child, but God knew the plan all along. Brian ended up teaching all of us so much about life, things he didnt even know he was teaching us at the time. First and foremost we learned how short it is, but we also learned how VALUABLE it is. He would say things to me randomly in emails now and then that would make me sit back and go hmmmmmmm
Those things I remember today and try to keep on keeping on....just the way he did throughout his illness.
He is my hero, he fought harder than any of us ever could. He was determined and THAT was the Brian we all knew and loved. If he gave up to soon we all would have been disappointed in him...he knew that and I believe he fought so hard not just for himself but for his family, friends, and everyone else he touched along his journey.
Heaven has NO idea how lucky they are to have him as a resident. I have no doubt in my mind he started a Poker league, is playing hockey, and is bossing everyone around....even the big JC himself!
Our lives have completely changed in these past 3 mnths....actually they started to change in April of 2005 when I was informed of his diagnosis.
I loved Brian more than I ever really let on, sure he was my "first crush" and all but I had genuine LOVE for him. My heart will take a very long time to recover from this loss (if ever)
My world as I once knew it has been completely altered, I look at life so different now. That is soley because of Brian.....and I am grateful
Bri, you stole my heart at 7 I sometimes wish I didnt wait 22 years to tell you. Not that it would have made a difference but I guess I will never know now. You told me once to keep my head held high if it was down...and everytime Im walking down the street and looking at the ground, that pops in my brain and I quickly raise my head...because according to you held high is where it belongs..
I am so grateful and honored to have known you, to have loved you, to have been your friend..
And I look forward to the day we meet again....
I love you ALWAYS AND FOREVER!
Alyssa
First the whole thing with Michael fell through (as usual) he is dating some chic that on the surface looks ALOT like me (but she is ugly inside she cant hold a candle to my character) plus she is 25, younger, blah blah blah
I figured this all out when I went AWOL on him when he still had his Myspace page and I got moved over a few notches on his top friends. Come to find out this chic knows my Poodle's sister DM and she filled me in ALLLL about her. So good luck to him cuz from what I was told she is a handful! haha
Anyway..that happened in early Novenmber (actually a few days after I posted my last entry) He and I are friends now, and thats all we are. Though I will admit for some odd reason he still has this amazing hold on my heart and every guy I have gone out with or kissed since him has been a big BLAH..I have felt nothing for anyone. Im hoping this will change soon cuz to be honest I cant take it anymore!
Now on to more pressing news...
Brian lost his battle with Cancer, and on December 7, 2006 he passed away. I will never forget that phonecall from Jenna and how she was sobbing and I just knew....I just knew!! I felt as if the rug had been swept up under me and my entire body was shaking. I sobbed for hours, I sobbed for weeks. His wake was amazing! The line was over 2 blocks long and the funeral home stayed open later so everyone who patiently waited could pay their respects. The funeral was just as large and just as amazing. Even now, almost 3 mnths later its still so very hard to believe he is gone. I think about him everyday, and miss him so very very much.
Yesterday was his 30th bday and I got out of work early so I could go to the cemetery and say Happy Bday. His family was there and some friends. It was an absolutely beautiful experience. Earlier in the day I was chatting with Michael on IM and he said something to me that really struck a cord and made me smile instead of cry when I was at Brian's grave.He said "Stay enlightened....he is your angel"
Brian is my angel, he is all of our angel. We know he watches over us and comes to us in some weird ways now and then.
I am a true believer that EVERYONE comes into your life for a reason...
Brian came into mine as a child, but God knew the plan all along. Brian ended up teaching all of us so much about life, things he didnt even know he was teaching us at the time. First and foremost we learned how short it is, but we also learned how VALUABLE it is. He would say things to me randomly in emails now and then that would make me sit back and go hmmmmmmm
Those things I remember today and try to keep on keeping on....just the way he did throughout his illness.
He is my hero, he fought harder than any of us ever could. He was determined and THAT was the Brian we all knew and loved. If he gave up to soon we all would have been disappointed in him...he knew that and I believe he fought so hard not just for himself but for his family, friends, and everyone else he touched along his journey.
Heaven has NO idea how lucky they are to have him as a resident. I have no doubt in my mind he started a Poker league, is playing hockey, and is bossing everyone around....even the big JC himself!
Our lives have completely changed in these past 3 mnths....actually they started to change in April of 2005 when I was informed of his diagnosis.
I loved Brian more than I ever really let on, sure he was my "first crush" and all but I had genuine LOVE for him. My heart will take a very long time to recover from this loss (if ever)
My world as I once knew it has been completely altered, I look at life so different now. That is soley because of Brian.....and I am grateful
Bri, you stole my heart at 7 I sometimes wish I didnt wait 22 years to tell you. Not that it would have made a difference but I guess I will never know now. You told me once to keep my head held high if it was down...and everytime Im walking down the street and looking at the ground, that pops in my brain and I quickly raise my head...because according to you held high is where it belongs..
I am so grateful and honored to have known you, to have loved you, to have been your friend..
And I look forward to the day we meet again....
I love you ALWAYS AND FOREVER!
Alyssa