Art. Anomaly. Angina. Anxiety. Assholes.
I haven't been going to yoga as much as I'd like, mostly becase of scheduling issues and Ingress. I'm not going to lie, Ingress has become kind of a bummer. The people we met up with for the most part are just not the kind of people that I enjoy being around. They tend to get worked up about things that just don't matter.
There seems to be some kind of constant 'power' struggle which is ridiculous. Everyone congratulates themselves for things they do for the community and then they seem to argue a lot about who should be doing what and when. Its a lot more convoluted than that, but there is a lot of tension, and downright hostility that is just making me so uncomfortable. I barely got out of the last get together without screaming and crying. People sat at a table harassing each other from opposite ends of the table in a group chat. One guy burst out 'Fuck that Fucking lying bitch!' across the table when there were two young children at the table (another trigger, they're not well behaved and the parents drag them to EVERY get together).
This is the second Ingress get together that has left me with a terrible panic attack and I'm actually starting to get terrified about Anomaly if its anything like this. I didn't pick up the game to have a terrible time. Chicago is bad enough without having to deal with a bunch of white people with over-inflaged egos.
I've been having a lot of chest pain lately when I have panic attacks. I thought before that maybe it was from my iron depletion, but it just seems like its happening now. The problem is that afterward it doesn't go away.
Between the elections, something my mom wants done, Ingress, car shit that I just found out I needed to get done, PT twice this week, with cold weather that makes it hard for me to get out, serious debt issues, an appointment with my endocrinologist, making time to do art and a Chicago trip I'm practically beside myself. I'm sitting here right now and my chest is just crushing me.
When I start to panic like this I don't know how to let people know that's what is happening, and when I do, it seems to escalate it. Like, I'm 5 seconds from punching everything in the room and I can't even manage to get out the fact that I'm panicking without making it worse.
I have a panic disorder and I'm medicated, but its not instant. For me stress can lead to a serious breakdown.
___
Here's a Crosspost from Patreon:
First set of postcards is finished. I'll be sending out THREE sets of postcards at once to everyone I owe a postcard, so don't think I'm stiffing you =)
Physical therapy is kicking my ass pretty hard. The weather dropped this week and I've been in a decent amount of pain, which I kind of expected, it just comes along with the problems, but I'm still doing better than I have been the past three years.
I've been camming more, both on YouTube and MFC. I'm trying to figure out the best times and the best ways to get in touch with people, because every time I DO go live, people seem to miss it and then ask me later when they can catch me, or see the posts on Facebook after the fact. If anyone has any ideas about that, please let me know. It could just be that I'm choosing the wrong times to go live, and I can try to fix that based on what people think are best, because it really is so much more fun when other people join in. I get one or two people watching, then 10 people hitting me up after asking me =(.
If you are interested in either a Google Hangout or a Facebook Chat (not spammy) where we can shoot the shit, I'll be uploading stupid face photos and letting people know when I'm on cam, let me know. Otherwise I'll just keep posting on Facebook and hoping for the best. Unfortunately if you aren't set up to see 'Most Recent', you probably just won't see it. The way the algorithm works its set up to push photo posts to friends so I have been trying to upload photos and then link the videos under but I could just be doing it at the wrong time.
I get the most random views when I do Facebook live stuff, but most of that is not Patreon related. I did one art day and that actually worked out pretty well. I'm not averse to doing Facebook, I just have to use my phone and that's kind of a bummer since I've set up everything for a good video experience.
Please let me know, even if you haven't commented on my other stuff.
Thanks =)
There seems to be some kind of constant 'power' struggle which is ridiculous. Everyone congratulates themselves for things they do for the community and then they seem to argue a lot about who should be doing what and when. Its a lot more convoluted than that, but there is a lot of tension, and downright hostility that is just making me so uncomfortable. I barely got out of the last get together without screaming and crying. People sat at a table harassing each other from opposite ends of the table in a group chat. One guy burst out 'Fuck that Fucking lying bitch!' across the table when there were two young children at the table (another trigger, they're not well behaved and the parents drag them to EVERY get together).
This is the second Ingress get together that has left me with a terrible panic attack and I'm actually starting to get terrified about Anomaly if its anything like this. I didn't pick up the game to have a terrible time. Chicago is bad enough without having to deal with a bunch of white people with over-inflaged egos.
I've been having a lot of chest pain lately when I have panic attacks. I thought before that maybe it was from my iron depletion, but it just seems like its happening now. The problem is that afterward it doesn't go away.
Between the elections, something my mom wants done, Ingress, car shit that I just found out I needed to get done, PT twice this week, with cold weather that makes it hard for me to get out, serious debt issues, an appointment with my endocrinologist, making time to do art and a Chicago trip I'm practically beside myself. I'm sitting here right now and my chest is just crushing me.
When I start to panic like this I don't know how to let people know that's what is happening, and when I do, it seems to escalate it. Like, I'm 5 seconds from punching everything in the room and I can't even manage to get out the fact that I'm panicking without making it worse.
I have a panic disorder and I'm medicated, but its not instant. For me stress can lead to a serious breakdown.
___
Here's a Crosspost from Patreon:
First set of postcards is finished. I'll be sending out THREE sets of postcards at once to everyone I owe a postcard, so don't think I'm stiffing you =)
Physical therapy is kicking my ass pretty hard. The weather dropped this week and I've been in a decent amount of pain, which I kind of expected, it just comes along with the problems, but I'm still doing better than I have been the past three years.
I've been camming more, both on YouTube and MFC. I'm trying to figure out the best times and the best ways to get in touch with people, because every time I DO go live, people seem to miss it and then ask me later when they can catch me, or see the posts on Facebook after the fact. If anyone has any ideas about that, please let me know. It could just be that I'm choosing the wrong times to go live, and I can try to fix that based on what people think are best, because it really is so much more fun when other people join in. I get one or two people watching, then 10 people hitting me up after asking me =(.
If you are interested in either a Google Hangout or a Facebook Chat (not spammy) where we can shoot the shit, I'll be uploading stupid face photos and letting people know when I'm on cam, let me know. Otherwise I'll just keep posting on Facebook and hoping for the best. Unfortunately if you aren't set up to see 'Most Recent', you probably just won't see it. The way the algorithm works its set up to push photo posts to friends so I have been trying to upload photos and then link the videos under but I could just be doing it at the wrong time.
I get the most random views when I do Facebook live stuff, but most of that is not Patreon related. I did one art day and that actually worked out pretty well. I'm not averse to doing Facebook, I just have to use my phone and that's kind of a bummer since I've set up everything for a good video experience.
Please let me know, even if you haven't commented on my other stuff.
Thanks =)