Well...
Or not so well...
It's been over a year since my last post... Quite a lot has happened since then. I've moved to Miami, some fun times, some not. I'm watching others around me along with my own life go by me at a rapid rate. I feel like I've continuously stood still. I'm doing a lot better now, however I still feel somewhat dormant in my own mind.
The main things to recently bug me while I try to sleep at night are a bit off my usual path.
Once again, my brother is back in Iraq... that speaks for itself.
I want kids... I want them bad. Sometimes I almost find myself dreaming about them... dreaming about the day it happens that I'm a father. Hell... I cried watching Mrs. Doubtfire a week ago. Sad.
I guess I just want to start the next stage of my life. Get on with it. Leave the life of living with roomates. I want to be happy. I want to get married... I want to start a family. I want to stop being so alone.
I catch myself so often lately just being/feeling so emotional. It hurts... It really does. The smallest thing can spark such a painful tear in my eye. I feel as though I should just settle for what comes to me and not strive for more, just keep telling myself that I'm happy. My head causes so many complications in my thought process. I can't think clearly at all... almost ever. I've been through so much in my lifetime... so much that so many people have no clue about me. I just wish I could turn on a camera and say here... watch this... this is me... this is where I come from... this is what I know of myself. I feel as though nobody could every really understand me enough to know me for who I really am. I find that those who live in their own dream world are never upset... and ignorance is bliss... it's true, however I feel I'd rather die than feel true ignorance. If you don't know who you are, or what you are, why bother living? Why be ignorant of the things around you, as it will only cause you to become more ignorant.
Our lives are beautiful gifts and I wouldn't trade mine for anything... ever. I feel that the greatest gift we've been given is the gift of life, and the ability to give life. In all honesty, as a race, as a combined purpose, what else are we here for aside from procreation? I don't believe we were put on this Earth to go to college and become successful by the professional worlds standards. I think we were put here to enjoy life from all sides and to share it with our own children. Pass on the flame... keep it lit... be remembered... for something... by someone.
I use this journal as a venting point for myself. I look back on the posts over the years that I've used it to learn my own behavior... my own reactions to events that take place in my life.
I'm doing well from a "professional" standpoint, however I feel I'm failing miserably at my own personal standards. I just can't seem to figure myself out.
It's been over a year since my last post... Quite a lot has happened since then. I've moved to Miami, some fun times, some not. I'm watching others around me along with my own life go by me at a rapid rate. I feel like I've continuously stood still. I'm doing a lot better now, however I still feel somewhat dormant in my own mind.
The main things to recently bug me while I try to sleep at night are a bit off my usual path.
Once again, my brother is back in Iraq... that speaks for itself.
I want kids... I want them bad. Sometimes I almost find myself dreaming about them... dreaming about the day it happens that I'm a father. Hell... I cried watching Mrs. Doubtfire a week ago. Sad.
I guess I just want to start the next stage of my life. Get on with it. Leave the life of living with roomates. I want to be happy. I want to get married... I want to start a family. I want to stop being so alone.
I catch myself so often lately just being/feeling so emotional. It hurts... It really does. The smallest thing can spark such a painful tear in my eye. I feel as though I should just settle for what comes to me and not strive for more, just keep telling myself that I'm happy. My head causes so many complications in my thought process. I can't think clearly at all... almost ever. I've been through so much in my lifetime... so much that so many people have no clue about me. I just wish I could turn on a camera and say here... watch this... this is me... this is where I come from... this is what I know of myself. I feel as though nobody could every really understand me enough to know me for who I really am. I find that those who live in their own dream world are never upset... and ignorance is bliss... it's true, however I feel I'd rather die than feel true ignorance. If you don't know who you are, or what you are, why bother living? Why be ignorant of the things around you, as it will only cause you to become more ignorant.
Our lives are beautiful gifts and I wouldn't trade mine for anything... ever. I feel that the greatest gift we've been given is the gift of life, and the ability to give life. In all honesty, as a race, as a combined purpose, what else are we here for aside from procreation? I don't believe we were put on this Earth to go to college and become successful by the professional worlds standards. I think we were put here to enjoy life from all sides and to share it with our own children. Pass on the flame... keep it lit... be remembered... for something... by someone.
I use this journal as a venting point for myself. I look back on the posts over the years that I've used it to learn my own behavior... my own reactions to events that take place in my life.
I'm doing well from a "professional" standpoint, however I feel I'm failing miserably at my own personal standards. I just can't seem to figure myself out.