Close your eyes, let the foxes fight
Good parts about today: coffee was good this morning. Brian split a pumpkin donut with me-this is why Brian is my favorite guy in the entire building, he’s the best, because he didn't just take the donut nor did he make me feel like the bad guy by sacrificing the entire donut to me. He immediately just was like, "So take half." Not even I would've come to that conclusion (I would've given it up, not to make the other person feel bad but just because unless it's T and I at Chi having cake, the notion of splitting things seldom occurs to me) . I got a review written and administered and that was the big thing to do before I left. I got to work with someone I adore. My books came. I could’ve wept walking in the door to see that Amazon box sitting there because it means my books came and maybe I can start trying to make sense of this godforsaken mess I call my life again.
Got Aleph, Paulo Coelho's latest, partly because I've been desperately waiting for it to come out and partly because my copies of both Veronika Decides to Die and The Alchemist are out on loan, I'm most of the way through a reread of The Witch of Portobello, I don't want to reread Brida or The Zahir and I wanted Coelho to take with me next week. So. There you have that, Aleph it is, though I've started seeing quotes from Eleven Minutes around that are making me give it a second glance. Honestly, I'm sure I will literally read everything he's written eventually, but anyway, I digress. Also finally caved and got The Way of the Bodhisattva. I have HHDL's For the Benefit of all Beings and a promise to someday be loaned a copy of Pema Chodron's No Time to Lose, two commentaries on this work, and I tried reading Benefit and wasn't feeling like I was getting anything from it, which is hard because I really need to get something from these books right now, so I figure time to go back to the source. That's coming with me to Key West next week as well. I cannot wait to get to Key West, because. Well.
(eta: other good part: officially have a meeting scheduled with potential new therapist. She sounds really nice.)
Part of the day that was the worst: Waiting on tenterhooks to see if they would term my team member, going to a nice supper with T (what will I do when I cannot just walk to Chi!?), then coming home and finding out they termed my team member. Four days before my vacation. Now, I am not heartless or anything. I would gladly trade my entire vacation for this young woman to not have done whatever she did that cost her this position so that she might have her job back. I love her dearly, I love my entire team, but something caused this to happen and when the term happens this way, it’s not something that could be an accident and so for that reason, while I realize her situation is far worse than mine at the moment, I am not sorry to say this better not fuck up my vacation >:| Every time I go away, something happens with my staff at that place. It's never easy, I can never just say, here, be clockwork in my absence. Someone always quits, or has a personal emergency, or something. I was SO SURE I dodged the bullet this time. Another girl needed to be off for part of my trip but, lo and behold, we had enough staff to support both my absence and hers. It was going to be fine. It was glorious. Escape was at hand. And then this today. I get to spend the next four days trying to make sense of all this. And I just don't know what to do with all that, but I do know what to do next week.
I am going to get so irresponsibly drunk, get a massage for sure and possibly even get another hole punched in my head. I am going to leave my phone in my hotel room and let it all be someone else’s problem for a week. I am going to dissolve mindlessly in my job-having, credit-card-possessing privilege and I am not going to be sorry.
And I am going to spend one morning on the beach looking at the waves and wishing, May she be well, may she find peace, and may she be loved.
Got Aleph, Paulo Coelho's latest, partly because I've been desperately waiting for it to come out and partly because my copies of both Veronika Decides to Die and The Alchemist are out on loan, I'm most of the way through a reread of The Witch of Portobello, I don't want to reread Brida or The Zahir and I wanted Coelho to take with me next week. So. There you have that, Aleph it is, though I've started seeing quotes from Eleven Minutes around that are making me give it a second glance. Honestly, I'm sure I will literally read everything he's written eventually, but anyway, I digress. Also finally caved and got The Way of the Bodhisattva. I have HHDL's For the Benefit of all Beings and a promise to someday be loaned a copy of Pema Chodron's No Time to Lose, two commentaries on this work, and I tried reading Benefit and wasn't feeling like I was getting anything from it, which is hard because I really need to get something from these books right now, so I figure time to go back to the source. That's coming with me to Key West next week as well. I cannot wait to get to Key West, because. Well.
(eta: other good part: officially have a meeting scheduled with potential new therapist. She sounds really nice.)
Part of the day that was the worst: Waiting on tenterhooks to see if they would term my team member, going to a nice supper with T (what will I do when I cannot just walk to Chi!?), then coming home and finding out they termed my team member. Four days before my vacation. Now, I am not heartless or anything. I would gladly trade my entire vacation for this young woman to not have done whatever she did that cost her this position so that she might have her job back. I love her dearly, I love my entire team, but something caused this to happen and when the term happens this way, it’s not something that could be an accident and so for that reason, while I realize her situation is far worse than mine at the moment, I am not sorry to say this better not fuck up my vacation >:| Every time I go away, something happens with my staff at that place. It's never easy, I can never just say, here, be clockwork in my absence. Someone always quits, or has a personal emergency, or something. I was SO SURE I dodged the bullet this time. Another girl needed to be off for part of my trip but, lo and behold, we had enough staff to support both my absence and hers. It was going to be fine. It was glorious. Escape was at hand. And then this today. I get to spend the next four days trying to make sense of all this. And I just don't know what to do with all that, but I do know what to do next week.
I am going to get so irresponsibly drunk, get a massage for sure and possibly even get another hole punched in my head. I am going to leave my phone in my hotel room and let it all be someone else’s problem for a week. I am going to dissolve mindlessly in my job-having, credit-card-possessing privilege and I am not going to be sorry.
And I am going to spend one morning on the beach looking at the waves and wishing, May she be well, may she find peace, and may she be loved.