Rejection
Dear Applicant:
Thank you for your interest in working at BenCorp. As a multinational corporation with thousands of locations, we are understandably concerned with making certain that the people we hire are well-matched with our goals and image. The process you have just completed has been carefully designed to find the right person for the right job within BenCorp. At this time we are not able to offer you that perfect job.
We encourage you to apply for other jobs at BenCorp. Your application was in the top 14% of the thousands we received. We will keep it on file at human resources for two years. You may update your resume online at any time. The blood sample you submitted will be kept in refrigeration for the same period of time. However, new urine and stool samples WILL be required with each new application. Similarly, you will be required to re-take the Rorsach test.
In the event that you apply for a job that requires a higher level of security, BenCorp will require additional information. While you have already supplied us with the names of every previous employer, we will require a list of landlords, anyone who has loaned you money in the past 15 years, and at least 3 ex-romantic partners. (You are welcome to submit additional romantic partners, though be advised that a list of more than 20 names will disqualify you from most, but not all, jobs at BenCorp.)
If a position is designated as "active" we will require a complete physical and the completion of a triathlon. But don't worry: it will not be timed. Failure to complete this event will be result in automatic disqualification from the applicant pool for "active" jobs for one year.
Again, thank you for your interest in working at BenCorp.
Thank you for your interest in working at BenCorp. As a multinational corporation with thousands of locations, we are understandably concerned with making certain that the people we hire are well-matched with our goals and image. The process you have just completed has been carefully designed to find the right person for the right job within BenCorp. At this time we are not able to offer you that perfect job.
We encourage you to apply for other jobs at BenCorp. Your application was in the top 14% of the thousands we received. We will keep it on file at human resources for two years. You may update your resume online at any time. The blood sample you submitted will be kept in refrigeration for the same period of time. However, new urine and stool samples WILL be required with each new application. Similarly, you will be required to re-take the Rorsach test.
In the event that you apply for a job that requires a higher level of security, BenCorp will require additional information. While you have already supplied us with the names of every previous employer, we will require a list of landlords, anyone who has loaned you money in the past 15 years, and at least 3 ex-romantic partners. (You are welcome to submit additional romantic partners, though be advised that a list of more than 20 names will disqualify you from most, but not all, jobs at BenCorp.)
If a position is designated as "active" we will require a complete physical and the completion of a triathlon. But don't worry: it will not be timed. Failure to complete this event will be result in automatic disqualification from the applicant pool for "active" jobs for one year.
Again, thank you for your interest in working at BenCorp.