A Collage of Sorts
There is absolutely nothing of interest about May 31, 2010, outside of my own construction here. The only reason it's even worth mentioning the date is because, on June 1, 2009, I began updating my LiveJournal again after basically ignoring it after taking an internship at.
See, I first stopped writing on LJ when I noticed the collective interest of my "community" of friends had begun dwindling. There were fewer updates than ever and basically everyone had just simultaneously outgrown LiveJournal and, since one of the largest appeals of LJ was always the way it transformed everything written into a discussion, I was ready to completely follow suit. That is, because I didn't think anyone would read what I wrote, I decided I didn't want to write, a decision made even easier when everything got busy and I didn't have time to write.
And then, as my first year of teaching came to a close, I decided that I wanted to come back to LJ. Call it sentimentality, call it boredom, call it pointless--all I know is that on May 31, 2009, I had been updating LJ sporadically if at all...but on June 1, 2009, I had renewed an old habit.
I don't think that I really had any goals at the beginning and, looking backward, I can't really summarize what I ended up with. I have a narrative about my first full, official year of teaching, highlighting many of the highs and lows. I have a photo album reminding me of some of the amazing individuals I met and worked with this year. I spent these past 365 days experiencing a few million ideas and stories and anecdotes and relationships and poems and disappointments and so much more, all of which meant the world to me when they happened, and now (assuming I can hold onto the PDF of my journal) I will never be able to forget about any of it.
This entire experience has been, largely, an individual experience. After all, unlike when I first began on LJ, I wrote this past year for myself to chronicle everything of my life. Still, nobody writes without having an audience in mind, and I know that my writing was always written toward my closest friends, Matt, Lexi, Sam, Eunice, Shannon, Cristina, the same ones that, although most of them have moved away from LJ, brought me here in the first place. Even though I only heard from some of you, it was till you that I left my entries open to, because often knowing that you might read my words and trusting you with them was as validating as actually having them read. In addition, this entire frivolous goal of mine (to go an entire year updating every day) was a very private goal, mentioned only here...and to one other person. And, though she made fun of me for writing in my "diary," the truth is, I wouldn't have had much to write about if not for her and the rest of my students, the vast majority of whom made me content going to work every day.
It's funny because, after spending the year writing for my own internal audience and memory, I don't really remember how to write for other people. Still, even as I know that making this one short post public isn't going to do anything because nobody reads the stuff here (since it's all protected), I feel compelled to end with general advice for the general population. Although this one year thing isn't that much of an accomplishment, this past year proves to me that people are capable of pushing themselves to do things. In November, I decided to write a novel for NaNoWriMo, and one month later, I had a novel. As crappy as that novel is, the truth is I never would have expected myself to open an envelope containing a professional copy of something I created, no matter how much I wanted it. But, by simply pushing myself a little bit and keeping at it each day of November, I ended up accomplishing something I always wanted to do.
And, of course, I made a special effort to come here each day from June 1, 2009, through May 31, 2010, and write something. It wasn't always extensive, it wasn't always valuable, it wasn't always coherent, but, one year later, I have something that I will treasure for the rest of my life: a chronicle of self, a little like those YouTube photo montages where people take pictures of themselves every day for a year and then put them all together.
This past year has been my collage: a work of words, of photos, and of memories.
See you tomorrow.
See, I first stopped writing on LJ when I noticed the collective interest of my "community" of friends had begun dwindling. There were fewer updates than ever and basically everyone had just simultaneously outgrown LiveJournal and, since one of the largest appeals of LJ was always the way it transformed everything written into a discussion, I was ready to completely follow suit. That is, because I didn't think anyone would read what I wrote, I decided I didn't want to write, a decision made even easier when everything got busy and I didn't have time to write.
And then, as my first year of teaching came to a close, I decided that I wanted to come back to LJ. Call it sentimentality, call it boredom, call it pointless--all I know is that on May 31, 2009, I had been updating LJ sporadically if at all...but on June 1, 2009, I had renewed an old habit.
I don't think that I really had any goals at the beginning and, looking backward, I can't really summarize what I ended up with. I have a narrative about my first full, official year of teaching, highlighting many of the highs and lows. I have a photo album reminding me of some of the amazing individuals I met and worked with this year. I spent these past 365 days experiencing a few million ideas and stories and anecdotes and relationships and poems and disappointments and so much more, all of which meant the world to me when they happened, and now (assuming I can hold onto the PDF of my journal) I will never be able to forget about any of it.
This entire experience has been, largely, an individual experience. After all, unlike when I first began on LJ, I wrote this past year for myself to chronicle everything of my life. Still, nobody writes without having an audience in mind, and I know that my writing was always written toward my closest friends, Matt, Lexi, Sam, Eunice, Shannon, Cristina, the same ones that, although most of them have moved away from LJ, brought me here in the first place. Even though I only heard from some of you, it was till you that I left my entries open to, because often knowing that you might read my words and trusting you with them was as validating as actually having them read. In addition, this entire frivolous goal of mine (to go an entire year updating every day) was a very private goal, mentioned only here...and to one other person. And, though she made fun of me for writing in my "diary," the truth is, I wouldn't have had much to write about if not for her and the rest of my students, the vast majority of whom made me content going to work every day.
It's funny because, after spending the year writing for my own internal audience and memory, I don't really remember how to write for other people. Still, even as I know that making this one short post public isn't going to do anything because nobody reads the stuff here (since it's all protected), I feel compelled to end with general advice for the general population. Although this one year thing isn't that much of an accomplishment, this past year proves to me that people are capable of pushing themselves to do things. In November, I decided to write a novel for NaNoWriMo, and one month later, I had a novel. As crappy as that novel is, the truth is I never would have expected myself to open an envelope containing a professional copy of something I created, no matter how much I wanted it. But, by simply pushing myself a little bit and keeping at it each day of November, I ended up accomplishing something I always wanted to do.
And, of course, I made a special effort to come here each day from June 1, 2009, through May 31, 2010, and write something. It wasn't always extensive, it wasn't always valuable, it wasn't always coherent, but, one year later, I have something that I will treasure for the rest of my life: a chronicle of self, a little like those YouTube photo montages where people take pictures of themselves every day for a year and then put them all together.
This past year has been my collage: a work of words, of photos, and of memories.
See you tomorrow.