feeling Ben as my family
Sometimes when Ben is laying on his side, I curl up with my head next to his chest and he drapes his arm across me -- over my head and along my side to my hip. I started doing this recently, and it has been awesome healing to my soul. I feel so safe and protected -- I used to daydream about being able to shrink myself and fit in his bellybutton, so I could be completely surrounded by him, and this feels like that. I know it has been healing me because on Sunday -- for the first time ever when something was said about family I suddenly got the urge to climb in Ben's lap and let him hug me. Always before it had just made me sad 'cause my parents didn't show me love -- so I wanted new parents (namely, Paula and Spencer), and any mention of family would make me want Paula and Spencer to hug me. Mainly due to this new holding thing, I'm starting to feel Ben as a comfort, and as my family. It's so wonderful... oh... SO wonderful. (and he doesn't even have to do anything but lay there! so he likes it too)