different all the time in multiple significant ways / categories: identities, experiences, & values

[belenen]

icon: "distance (two hands (from a brown person and a white person) just barely apart, facing each other palm to palm)"It can be fun to be different sometimes, in small ways. It's not fun to be different all the time in multiple significant ways. If everyone self-educated about everyone who is different from them and worked to use inclusive

Comments

[zimtkeks]

Oh yes, being different and trying to interact can be so exhausting.
I'd still like to ask you a question about one of the things you listed here. I hope you don't mind; if you don't feel like explaining, I won't be offended.
What do you mean by "erotic mirror"?

[belenen]

By erotic mirror, I mean that I don't have much of an independent desire for sex or for roles in sex (except maybe a certain kind of primal). I don't daydream about particular kinds of sex or sexual play, for instance. Instead, my sexual desire comes from an interaction with a partner where they have a particular desire and my desire mirrors that: they want to submit and thus I want to make them submit, or they want to take charge and thus I want to allow them (though that is rare because I dislike how most people try to take charge). If they have no particular desire, then my desire is somewhat random and based on memory -- whatever memory I have of an occasion that was particularly emotionally intense is what I will want to do

[zimtkeks]

Thank you!
It sounds like something that makes it a bit easier to find matching partners because you don't have to stick to only one kind of person.

[belenen]

well, it could be, but a lot of people want to interact with a role in such a way that the fact that I don't have an identity as a particular role means that they find me less appealing. It's like being pansexual -- you literally have more people you'd be interested in, but lots of them want you to only be interested in their kind. Lots of gay women will outright reject you for being pansexual. Similarly, there's a pattern of rejection for people who aren't 100% dom or sub.

[ragnarok_08]

Yes, interaction while being different are all sorts of exhausting.

[belenen]

*nods*

[theselivingarms]

I greatly admire the fact that you understand and know your identity. Many of us are still trying to find our place in the world. Your entries give me hope <3

[belenen]

aw, thanks for expressing that <3

[webgirluk]

I hear you on differences not being as much as a barrier if you feel at comfort with not having to educate others in understanding them. I enjoy learning about differences but I think with me I probably fear differences will matter to others, even when they don't to me. So I guess acceptance is a key thing that might over ride many differences but as well I suppose, there's differences I find hard to accept. I am not accepting over people who are overall unkind to others or whose morals vastly differ from mine but I am very accepting over people who are different to me in other ways that are just lifestyle choices that don't harm others. I've made these scoring lists over friends loosely but as well I find my scoring keeps changing as I learn more about myself and what truly does - or doesn't matter to me - in a connection. For instance, curious people who enjoy deep/general life sharing like me matters to me but someone with the same occupation as me does not matter to me much beyond it making for an interesting conversation within a

[belenen]

I feel you on not accepting people who are deliberately unkind or otherwise clash with you morally. When you can't accept someone's behavior as okay (for instance because it is actually causing damage!) then you can't accept the person. I think people talk about acceptance a lot but I don't think of it as valuable to accept all people. I think it is valuable to make sure you aren't rejecting people for faulty reasons, like because society says they aren't worthy. But I think it is also valuable to be able to reject people who are causing you or your people damage.

[belenen]

*nods lots* I wasn't actually expecting to have the most in common with you! but when I counted it up and realized, it made perfect sense to me.

I do wish we lived near each other. It is good for my being just to know that you exist *hearts*