dreams (fish made of glass, IP on a ship, Abby, tables/clock conflict w Pat, Kylei, Lexi, ableism)
icon: "aquarius (a painting of someone with pale skin and long dark hair laying on their back in the surf, head tipped back grinning toward something above their head, with waves crashing behind/beyond their knees. by Guillaume Seignac)"
16-02-06
I was hanging out with my ex-spouse (AGAIN) and Topaz/Lexi/?, who I had just met. We were outside, at a picnic table. Topaz/Lexi/? let me read their paper spiritual journal, which was written as letters to certain deities (I remember Khali and Ma'at and other names that may have only been deities in the dream). Then we went inside to pack up and get dressed up to go to dinner, and Topaz/Lexi/? and Ben and I were sorting through our dirty clothes that were strewn all over the shared den, and Ben was scooping carelessly. I grabbed a white-red-brown striped tank top and grey lacy underwear from the pile and said "I'm pretty sure these aren't yours" and handed them back to Topaz (who actually owns those clothes in waking life).
After we gathered our laundry Topaz and I went to our bathroom, which had a huge mirror and amazing lights. I put on two long skirts, layered, but for some reason couldn't get the top skirt below my shoulders on my own. So Topaz helped but only with one hand and I had to use my free hand also and we eventually wiggled it down to the right place. We were the last ones out and as we closed the door, I saw a large fish fluttering up near the roof of the porch. I asked if it was a fish, and if it was one that needed water, feeling very perplexed. I touched it and realized it was made of glass hanging on thin plastic strings, and just looked astonishingly lifelike. I moved it out of the way of the door so that it was less likely to be damaged.
Then I looked around and instead of being outside on a porch I was inside a room that was empty except for things hanging from the ceiling. I noticed a plaque that I remembered from childhood, about 2.5ft wide and 2ft high. It was made of glass set in a wood frame, with two rectangles of glass set one above the other. In each rectangle was stamped a phrase which was a palindrome/ambigram - they made them with one stamp for each phrase and flipped it somehow. Both were about books and the top one started out with a stamping of books that appeared to be in a row but dwindled into the distance like a path. The bottom one ended with 3 raised etched items that were meaningful to Georgia (I can only remember that the state flower was included).
I stared in wonder and asked about it and my bioparent Pat (who appeared as apparently this was their house?) said that they had gotten it for me. All i remembered was going into a basement of a library and seeing these in a shop and wanting one made for me but being sad because I knew they were too expensive. When Pat told me that they'd gotten it, and this was mine, I started crying. I then saw the 12 or so images that I chose the 3 raised etched images from and realized that I would have chosen the same ones again if I got it now. Probably would have chosen the same phrase too as there were a limited number to choose from and books are probably the only general one that would appeal to me. I pondered on how my intellectual preferences had changed but my aesthetic/elemental preferences were the same.
16-2-10
Dreamed about being on a ship w people, trying to have intimacy practice w them, but one girl and her bf just annoyed me and I tried to escape their voice but it reverberated everywhere. Then the ship started rocking like it was gonna tip over and I had to close the windows. I finally confronted them and told them i didn't want them. Then scene switched, it was me and some other people discussing KWT and Christo.
There was another part about cleaning. A giant tub of old cooked spaghetti noodles had worms in it and i picked up a handful for some reason? Then was incredibly grossed out and worried that the worms had gotten in me through some tiny crack in my skin.
16-2-12
Dreamed that Abby came to Athens via bus and they and topaz were going to have a date but they didn't plan it really so i ended up in Athens alone in a hotel room with nothing to do and no one to be with for at least 6-8 hours. In another part of the dream i was walking on the beach babysitting children and my shoes and socks got wet and would not dry.
16-02-14
Dreamed about inheriting or taking old tables from Pat. One was an old.white and red metal table (a table that has memory ties to living with Kylei) and i was cleaning it of dirt and rust before i was going to put a coat of protective enamel on.
Earlier there was someone I was in love with who was mute and thought of themself as a lesser person, and i was trying to explain how much i loved them. They asked me to marry them and i said i couldn't because i didn't believe in it. We hid on stairs under a tangle of plants, and I set up a lamp that had one broken filament bulb and 2 intact compact fluorescents.
At another point i was staying with my mother, who wouldn't let me keep an alarm clock radio in my room. I was very upset at being treated like a child and being controlled. She also bought me a new bathing suit which was pink and fit her (so definitely wouldn't fit me even just considering boobs).
16-2-15
Dreamed that i and a sibling were running away from an evil man who wanted to molest and/or kill us. I tried and tried to kill him w stabs and poison but he wouldn't die. Finally he was like okay you're right i should die, told me that he had long ago spelled himself to only die by his own hand. He sat down against a tree trunk and opened his wrists.
16-2-17
Bellevue court rich house running away w Kylei
16-2-19
Dreamed that biosib S was living at wishwood w me and i was going to take a shower and he kept coming in. I told him to stop and he agreed but came in anyway. Apologized and said it was because it made him feel safe. Said i could put tape on the door as a reminder and that would stop him from automatically doing it.
Also there was a part where I was at a bus stop at the bottom of a gravel driveway with fields around, and I saw a stranger in a wheelchair getting picked up by a really ableist cabbie person. I demanded to know why he was acting this way and said that the stranger was my brother (in an attempt to force guilt). The terrible cabbie person talked about our big house (up the gravel driveway) and i told him we deal w all kinds of shit anyway. Then we were all reconciled and i went to take stuff off the stove and spilled some. I got the rice and beans all mixed. I apologized to Heather, who was upset that water had gotten in.the rice.
Also there was a part w my boss and coworker and Kylei. We had to carry things (mostly mine including 5 boxes of cereal because i couldn't decide. I kept dropping things and coworker kept picking them up and throwing them to me but i would miss) to class, where coworker was giving a presentation. Kylei was very loud and i told him shhh. Someone was pouring a drip down my spine which it took me a while to realize. When i did i turned around, forcefully grabbed the person and said if they did that again i would hurt them. Then Kylei sat on someone's lap and i scolded them for not asking first. Then the second presenter told the first part of a story and asked if option a or option b happened next. Without hesitation i said a jeweled dragon and they asked me how i knew, with surprise. I said i saw it in my head as soon as they said the first part of the story.
16-02-26
I hung out w Jessica and they made dinner for us. We were looking for topaz, and discovered they were w Abby, who neither of us knew was in town.
16-02-29
Dreamed about going to some kind of southern TBC. Kylei and Lexi were there comparing butts? There was water everywhere. Someone had a baby and wrote and illustrated a story about it. There were more brown people than white.